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Undergrad senior and 4 weeks pregnant! HELP!!

Knottie1466444999Knottie1466444999 member
Third Anniversary First Comment
in Students
I was not sure where to ask this but I figured any undergrad seniors could understand better than anyone. My wedding is Oct 19 2013. I just found out I am pregant and i graduate may 4.  I am having mixed feelings about the baby and the wedding? Any advice on what to do about either. My FI does work but I have not job opportunites at this time.  HELP!
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Re: Undergrad senior and 4 weeks pregnant! HELP!!

  • egeurtsegeurts
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited March 2013
    Here's what I would do. First, figure out your financial situation. Can you afford to do both wedding and baby?
    I'm bad at math, when is your due date, before, after, or right around your wedding?
    Figure out the job situation first. I would cancel any attempt to find a "real" job, if at all possible (based on the financial situation). You can find part-time work for the rest of your pregnancy, enough to keep you busy and help with bills, but very few, if any, jobs are going to hire you knowing that you'll need maternity leave right away. 

    As for the wedding, you have multiple options.
    1. Keep it as is. This will also depend on your due date and financial situation. Some things will have to change, such as dress fittings, time that you'll spend up and about, etc, but you may be able to have a semi-normal wedding.
    2. Postpone or cancel the wedding. You can always get married at a later date. The downfall is that you'll lose any deposits you've already put down.
    3. Move the wedding up and get married before you're body starts changing too much. The downfall would be people's travel plans may not be ready, and you'll be rushed.
    4. Keep your date but change the type of wedding you have. If you currently have a traditional wedding planned, maybe change to a more low-key, private type with a more casual, daytime, lunch and cake reception. This would be much easier for you being pregnant and/or having a newborn. 

    GOOD LUCK!

    ETA- Note this is all on the assumption that you are somewhat financially stable, you and your FI want to keep the baby and start a family. There are always other options. 

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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I agree with PP.  I don't know what kind of field you are in, but maybe use this opportunity to do some internships to get experience before you start finding a job in your field after the baby is born?  Though part-time jobs might be a good idea too.
    Personally I would try to move up the wedding to well before the due-date, just because after the baby is born, it will probably be quite some time before you can get married.  But that might be easier said than done. 

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  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_undergrad-senior-and-4-weeks-pregnant-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:0274603b-f0fd-48d8-9c1b-d71e4001b592Post:f559fb65-de5c-4dee-8c72-b958f3aeca37">Re: Undergrad senior and 4 weeks pregnant! HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's what I would do. First, figure out your financial situation. Can you afford to do both wedding and baby? I'm bad at math, when is your due date, before, after, or right around your wedding? Figure out the job situation first. I would cancel any attempt to find a "real" job, if at all possible (based on the financial situation). You can find part-time work for the rest of your pregnancy, enough to keep you busy and help with bills, <em><strong>but very few, if any, jobs are going to hire you knowing that you'll need maternity leave right away.  As for the wedding, you have multiple options. </strong></em>1. Keep it as is. This will also depend on your due date and financial situation. Some things will have to change, such as dress fittings, time that you'll spend up and about, etc, but you may be able to have a semi-normal wedding. 2. Postpone or cancel the wedding. You can always get married at a later date. The downfall is that you'll lose any deposits you've already put down. 3. Move the wedding up and get married before you're body starts changing too much. The downfall would be people's travel plans may not be ready, and you'll be rushed. 4. Keep your date but change the type of wedding you have. If you currently have a traditional wedding planned, maybe change to a more low-key, private type with a more casual, daytime, lunch and cake reception. This would be much easier for you being pregnant and/or having a newborn.  GOOD LUCK! ETA- Note this is all on the assumption that you are somewhat financially stable, you and your FI want to keep the baby and start a family. There are always other options. 
    Posted by egeurts[/QUOTE]

    <div>If a company did not hire you based solely on your pregnancy, this would be discrimination and you could rightfully sue.  In fact, word for word from the EEOC: </div><div>
    </div><div><span style="color:#333333;font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:19.453125px;background-color:#ffffff;"><strong>The Pregnancy Discrimination Act (PDA) forbids discrimination based on pregnancy when it comes to any aspect of employment, including hiring, firing, pay, job assignments, promotions, layoff, training, fringe benefits, such as leave and health insurance, and any other term or condition of employment.</strong></span></div><div>
    </div><div>You have no obligation to diclose your pregnancy during interviews.  </div><div>
    </div><div>If I were you, I would have a small, family/bff only wedding, in my parents' backyard, and do a BBQ and cake and punch.  You'll need to save as much as you can now, and you can still have a very lovely wedding on a very low budget.</div>
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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_undergrad-senior-and-4-weeks-pregnant-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:0274603b-f0fd-48d8-9c1b-d71e4001b592Post:68d25e5d-fca9-44b1-8b60-b574acc18566">Undergrad senior and 4 weeks pregnant! HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was not sure where to ask this but I figured any undergrad seniors could understand better than anyone. My wedding is Oct 19 2013. I just found out I am pregant and i graduate may 4.  I am having mixed feelings about the baby and the wedding? Any advice on what to do about either. My FI does work but I have not job opportunites at this time.  HELP!
    Posted by shubbard2013[/QUOTE]
    <p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:normal;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">Eugrt has some good advice.</span><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;"> </span></p> <p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">Have you looked into temp agencies?  They can be really helpful with finding a job.  </span></p> <p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">I would probably cancel the wedding or move it up.  I would be focused on finding a job right now so you can support yourself, unless your FI makes enough to support you both.  Have you talked to your FI about what you want?  Do you want to have the wedding in October?  What does he want?  Honestly, this is really more appropriate for you to talk to your FI and for you to come to a discussion TOGETHER.  Talk to him, figure out what your options are and go from there.  Good luck and congrats on the baby. </span></p>
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

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  • egeurtsegeurts
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_undergrad-senior-and-4-weeks-pregnant-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:0274603b-f0fd-48d8-9c1b-d71e4001b592Post:ca65bd1b-027e-4e01-8323-bc33a10d6ea7">Re: Undergrad senior and 4 weeks pregnant! HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Undergrad senior and 4 weeks pregnant! HELP!! : If a company did not hire you based solely on your pregnancy, this would be discrimination and you could rightfully sue.  In fact, word for word from the EEOC:  The Pregnancy Discrimination Act (PDA) forbids discrimination based on pregnancy when it comes to any aspect of employment, including hiring, firing, pay, job assignments, promotions, layoff, training, fringe benefits, such as leave and health insurance, and any other term or condition of employment. You have no obligation to diclose your pregnancy during interviews.   If I were you, I would have a small, family/bff only wedding, in my parents' backyard, and do a BBQ and cake and punch.  You'll need to save as much as you can now, and you can still have a very lovely wedding on a very low budget.
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    <div>True as that may be, that doesn't prevent the fact that many (not all) employers DO discriminate against pregnant women. Just as they discriminate against newly married women (for the possibility of becoming pregnant). And even though she technically could get a job, be fired, sue for discrimination, the last thing OP needs right now is to get involved in a lawsuit on top of having a baby and planning a wedding. Of course, this is all hypothetical. It would be much easier to get part time work or work as a temp somewhere. </div>
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    Very true, and its not the easiest thing to go about proving the discrimination either. What it sounds like is you and FI just need to sit down and have a realistic talk about all of your options, and what you both want to do.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_undergrad-senior-and-4-weeks-pregnant-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:0274603b-f0fd-48d8-9c1b-d71e4001b592Post:1c1c6809-3bf8-4ede-a391-375bbe2456ff">Re: Undergrad senior and 4 weeks pregnant! HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Undergrad senior and 4 weeks pregnant! HELP!! : True as that may be, that doesn't prevent the fact that many (not all) employers DO discriminate against pregnant women. Just as they discriminate against newly married women (for the possibility of becoming pregnant). And even though she technically could get a job, be fired, sue for discrimination, the last thing OP needs right now is to get involved in a lawsuit on top of having a baby and planning a wedding. Of course, this is all hypothetical. It would be much easier to get part time work or work as a temp somewhere. 
    Posted by egeurts[/QUOTE]
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