Guest list worries, need advice

alison cunningham · April 2013

So our venue has a maximum capacity of 150 people (which is how many guests we decided on having before finding our venue) and while we were making the guest list there were people I was sure wouldn't be able to attend due to health issues, or location or whatever, but I was obligated to invite them (like my elderly step-grandfather who no longer drives, and his son and DIL so they could bring him) but now as we are less than 7 weeks away from the wedding, we are getting a lot more "yes" responses than I was counting on, and not nearly enough "no" responses. We still have about 3 weeks until the RSVP's are due (and about 1/2 the number of invites sent out) but I'm starting to stress that we will be over our numbers.

I know about the guest list calculator, but I don't know how accurate those are or not. Should I be worried or am I over thinking it? Advice, words of wisdom, anything, please!

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

Erm... I hate to say it, but no advice is going to change the reality of inviting more guests than your venue can hold. We here advise constantly not to do it, because of what you are experiencing.

AJuliaNJ · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guest-list-worries-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:94dabd69-9de8-470f-95a6-009e28766ff6Post:d43e59f9-edea-49db-b266-f297363319f4">Re: Guest list worries, need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Erm... I hate to say it, but no advice is going to change the reality of inviting more guests than your venue can hold. We here advise constantly not to do it, because of what you are experiencing.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>How many more did you invite than the venue can hold?</div>

[Deleted User] · April 2013

You should have invited the amount you can afford and that your venue holds. It's not uncommon for couples to have 100% attendance. If you end up over the limit you need to change venues.

alison cunningham · April 2013

We invited about 30 over, but I've gotten about 10 definite "No's" so far, so we're about 20 over. I guess I went by the guest list calculator and figured we would be ok. With 80 invites out there, we're bound to get 20 more "no" responses, right?!?

Barbiiieee · April 2013

Also, I hate to ask but... when you say your venue capacity is 150 and you invited 30 over did you invite 180? Usually you would have to include yourself and any vendors (photographer, DJ etc) in that 150. So... what's your back up plan?

misshart00 · April 2013

I would start looking for a backup plan just in case. Yeah, you might have enough declines, but I wouldn't count on it and it will stress you out until then. People you you know won't come have a tendency to decide this is a great time for a trip. To other brides, don't invite more than your venue can hold.

MuppetFan · April 2013

Call the venue.

misssunshine17 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guest-list-worries-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:94dabd69-9de8-470f-95a6-009e28766ff6Post:7338551a-43bc-4e04-9a80-4215e935c4bd">Re:Guest list worries, need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Unfortunately, you definitely need to look into a backup plan. We had a lot of people we were positive would decline accept and attend. What is your venue like?<strong> Is 150 the max capacity according to the fire Marshall or how much they can seat with their usual set up? </strong>Is it possible to rent rectangular tables instead of round to seat more people? Or nix dancing and put tables on the dance floor to seat more people? As others have said, you should always count on 100 percent attendance. Don't wait to see what happens, start changing plans around now to fit 150 people plus yourselves and any vendors who will be there as well.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Before you panic, call the venue and ask this question.

allychase · April 2013

You were obligated to over extend your invite list by 30 people? I seriously will never understand in a million years why people do this.

Summer2011Bride · April 2013

Yeah the guest list calculators are just myth. One bride may have 50% of her guest list decline; another may have 5% decline. It totally depends upon your crowd, your wedding date, etc. What's done is done, but you should have never invited over 150 people if that's what your venue can hold.

Ditto PPs on calling the venue ASAP. If it's just that they suggest not having over 150, start talking now about other seating arrangements you can do that would work for more than 150 people.

If it IS in fact a fire marshall regulation, then you need to have a back up venue ready to go in case you get too many yeses, which is a very real possibility.

rel1988 · April 2013

Ugh you are making me nervous!!! We originally had settled on 150. FMIL has been in charge of weddings at the golf course she runs and swore up and down a guaranteed 20% won't come. Our guest list is at 207 because dear FI can't cut the cord! We haven't sent out invites obviously but he's set on this list and based on word-of-mouth we haven't heard any no's and we have gotten a lot of yes' based on our STD and people we weren't expecting to come say they plan on it. Luckily our venue holds 300 so if worst comes to worst we'll just have to eat the extra cost.

That being said, I would definitely check with your vendor first! Maybe it's just a table/chair issue and you can rent in the extra 30 or so you need. If it is a fire code issue I would look around for another venue ASAP just in case those extra's do all end up coming. Good luck!

rel1988 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guest-list-worries-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:94dabd69-9de8-470f-95a6-009e28766ff6Post:7b4cf4c2-5259-4c2a-a5d0-580e533bf776">Re: Guest list worries, need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest list worries, need advice : WE aren't making you nervous. Your choice to plan poorly is making you nervous.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I've mentioned to FI there's a really good chance we will be over our number...since the venue can fit the number we are ok in that aspect. I would rather stay at our budget and save a little, but if worse comes to worse it's still do-able. I'm just trying to encourage OP as her situation is more urgent especially if she needs a new venue altogether.

manjermj · April 2013

I feel like this is not only a space issue but also a money issue. Are you prepared to pay for these extra 20 people if they all decide to attend? I know for our wedding, we wouldn't have been able to cover that much more of an expense....

Either way, you need a plan B if 1. the venue can't hold anymore people. 2. you can't afford to host this many more people.

Call the venue and ask. If they absolutely can't add 20 more seats/tables then start looking for a bigger venue or other options at your current venue - like adding a tent or expanding into the foyer, etc.

alison cunningham · April 2013

"Yeah the guest list calculators are just myth." Well having never planned a wedding before I had no idea.

and I wasn't the one who said "Ugh you are making me nervous!!! " this is all an eye opener for me. Yes I should have known, but no party I have ever thrown, big small or otherwise, has ever had 100% acceptance so I really didn't think I would be having this problem.

I dont know what we are going to do about the venue or food, but have to start talking about other options.

Yes, I admit I AM STUPID AND NIEVE, and now I have to figure out how to fix the problem.

alison cunningham · April 2013

@ StageManager14 I know you are all trying to help me and I greatly, greatly appreciate it. I personally feel stupid for putting myself in this situation and naive for believing the guest list calculators.

Than you all for your advice.

Summer2011Bride · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guest-list-worries-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:94dabd69-9de8-470f-95a6-009e28766ff6Post:b9e0cf4a-c1b4-4f8a-b2d8-afd651bc719c">Re: Guest list worries, need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]" Yeah the guest list calculators are just myth." <strong> Well having never planned a wedding before I had no idea.</strong> and I wasn't the one who said " Ugh you are making me nervous!!! " this is all an eye opener for me. Yes I should have known, but no party I have ever thrown, big small or otherwise, has ever had 100% acceptance so I really didn't think I would be having this problem. I dont know what we are going to do about the venue or food, but have to start talking about other options. Yes, I admit I AM STUPID AND NIEVE, and now I have to figure out how to fix the problem.
Posted by alison cunningham[/QUOTE]

And that's fine and no one was accusing you of being stupid or naive. I know you responded to Stage a little bit ago, but this post just came across as being kind of defensive, esp. the higlighted. I know what's done is done, and I stated that in my earlier post. I put in the part about the guest list calculators because other posters may be in your position of trusting in them and perhaps we can stop them from overinviting before it is too late.

I would call your venue first thing in the morning. Do you know if it's a fire regulation or just that they can comfortably fit 150? Then go from there.

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