Is this tacky?

krieli1 · April 2013

I'm American, but my groom is English, and the wedding will take place in England next summer. We're seeking a location right now, but we ran into a snag right away.

A lot of my friends and even some of my family won't be able to make it to the wedding; they simply can't afford it. I still want to give them an invitation, so that they know I would want them there, but I need to know if there might be some miracle where they scrape the money together and make the trip.

Basically, we were thinking of sending out Save the Date cards with a request to RSVP by a certain date, a date that is relatively soon, like within the next couple of months. That way, we will know who will be coming so that we can book a venue that can hold everyone.

But...is this tacky? I don't know. Emily Post didn't cover bi-continental engagements. What do y'all think?

itzMS · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_is-this-tacky-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4a9c81e5-5039-41b3-966f-731e49a042b0Post:011a27e1-79d3-439e-8977-58a5cc946cb7">Is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm American, but my groom is English, and the wedding will take place in England next summer. We're seeking a location right now, but we ran into a snag right away. A lot of my friends and even some of my family won't be able to make it to the wedding; they simply can't afford it. I still want to give them an invitation, so that they know I would want them there, but I need to know if there might be some miracle where they scrape the money together and make the trip. Basically, we were thinking of sending out Save the Date cards with a request to RSVP by a certain date, a date that is relatively soon, like within the next couple of months. That way, we will know who will be coming so that we can book a venue that can hold everyone. But...is this tacky? I don't know. Emily Post didn't cover bi-continental engagements. What do y'all think?
Posted by krieli1[/QUOTE]

I think that's putting too much pressure on your guests.

Just find a venue you can afford that could fit everyone you plan to actually invite. Otherwise, if you want to arrange for a smaller venue, send <em>invites</em> to only VIPs (not the "miracle" people), and send <em>wedding announcements</em> to everyone else after you get married.

krieli1 · April 2013

I see what you're saying, but I do get the difference between Save the Date and the actual invite. My point is, I need to know now, long before the proper time to send an invitation and get an RSVP, who can concievably make it to the wedding. In the case of my American guests, coming to my wedding in England could be very expensive. I want them all there, and if I could afford to buy them all a plane ticket and put them up in a hotel, I would, but I know that many of them won't be able to come. I just don't know how many, and I need to know before we book a small, intimate wedding venue, only to have twenty of my friends suddenly say, a month before the wedding, "we scraped the money together!"

I have no nice way of asking my friends and family "can you afford to come to my wedding?" so I thought putting an RSVP (for lack of a better phrase) on my Save the Dates might be the most polite way of doing that.

krieli1 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_is-this-tacky-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4a9c81e5-5039-41b3-966f-731e49a042b0Post:ac1a07f8-46bb-4713-9fef-5afe40b67d75">Re: Is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Is this tacky? : I think that's putting too much pressure on your guests. Just find a venue you can afford that could fit everyone you plan to actually invite. Otherwise, if you want to arrange for a smaller venue, send invites to only VIPs (not the "miracle" people), and send wedding announcements to everyone else after you get married.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

That does make sense, but unfortunately some of the VIP's are the miracle people, too!<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cry.gif" border="0" alt="Cry" title="Cry" />

QueerFemme · April 2013

I would book a venue that only has capacity to increase the room size somewhat. Realistically, the chances are, there won't be 50 miracle people. There might be 20. So, look for a venue that can host 30 or 80

MyNameIsNot · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_is-this-tacky-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4a9c81e5-5039-41b3-966f-731e49a042b0Post:d8327290-5386-498e-a9d4-09166ac52bca">Re: Is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I see what you're saying, but I do get the difference between Save the Date and the actual invite. My point is, I need to know now, long before the proper time to send an invitation and get an RSVP, who can concievably make it to the wedding. In the case of my American guests, coming to my wedding in England could be very expensive. I want them all there, and if I could afford to buy them all a plane ticket and put them up in a hotel, I would, but I know that many of them won't be able to come. I just don't know how many, and I need to know before we book a small, intimate wedding venue, only to have twenty of my friends suddenly say, a month before the wedding, "we scraped the money together!" I have no nice way of asking my friends and family "can you afford to come to my wedding?" so I thought putting an RSVP (for lack of a better phrase) on my Save the Dates might be the most polite way of doing that.
Posted by krieli1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>There just isn't a polite way to get people to make a decision more than a month out. </div><div>
</div><div>If you want to book the intimate venue, don't invite everyone. Otherwise, you're going to need to make plans as if everyone can come and adjust once you get RSVPs back.

</div>

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