What does father say to give bride away when parents are divored

Blades2Linkin03 · June 2010

My parents divorced when I was 4 and the both remarried when I was 7. I don't know what is proper for my father to say when he gives me away and the preacher asks "who gives this woman?" Is it still okay for my dad to say "Her mother and I". Hmm...

emarston1 · June 2010

I would think he could still say that "Her mother and I do" since they are still your parents regardless of their marital status.

trix1223 · June 2010

Did your mom give up being your mom when they got divorced? Did your dad give up being your dad when they got divorced?

I fail to see why even though your parents no longer live in the same house, your dad can't refer to the two of them making a decision as "her mother and I".

You're overthinking this.

sbily2010 · June 2010

are/have both of their spouses played a major role in your life since u were 7? because you could ask your preacher instead of saying "who give this woman?" ask him or her to say to your father "Do you give this woman on behalf of all those who love her" or something like that so that all he has to say is "I do" and no one is excluded but not spelled out as to exactly who.

"Did you mom give up being your mom when they got divorced? Did you dad give up being your dad when they got divorced?

I fail to see why even though your parents no longer live in the same house, your dad can't refer to the two of them making a decision as "her mother and I"."

I'd just like to point out and say that yes some people do have parents that just walk away and don't play a part in their lives, and as we only see a glimpse into each others lives we need to be a little more sensitive to what may be

trix1223 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_father-say-give-bride-away-parents-divored?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3c7340b2-7001-42cf-b488-ff561b1ab6c0Post:1b205f7d-bd95-413d-bdd7-d5ee1ae54828">Re: What does father say to give bride away when parents are divored</a>:
[QUOTE]are/have both of their spouses played a major role in your life since u were 7? because you could ask your preacher instead of saying "who give this woman?" ask him or her to say to your father "Do you give this woman on behalf of all those who love her" or something like that so that all he has to say is "I do" and no one is excluded but not spelled out as to exactly who. "Did you mom give up being your mom when they got divorced? Did you dad give up being your dad when they got divorced? I fail to see why even though your parents no longer live in the same house, your dad can't refer to the two of them making a decision as "her mother and I"." I'd just like to point out and say that yes some people do have parents that just walk away and don't play a part in their lives, and as we only see a glimpse into each others lives we need to be a little more sensitive to what may be
Posted by sbily2010[/QUOTE]

Exactly why I asked the question I did: I asked if either had given up being her mom or dad when they got divorced. It wasn't insensitive at all. It was the question that needed to be asked to adequately answer her question, because that would, of course, change the answer.

ootmother2 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_father-say-give-bride-away-parents-divored?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:3c7340b2-7001-42cf-b488-ff561b1ab6c0Post:c9033365-e65a-4570-95ef-a47b7f37c683">Re: What does father say to give bride away when parents are divored</a>:
[QUOTE]I would think he could still say that "Her mother and I do" since they are still your parents regardless of their marital status.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

Their own marital status does not change their relationship with you.

"Her mother and I do"

RaziaBoros · June 2010

OP: I'm in a similar situation. My parents divorced when I was young and my mother remarried, and my stepfather has played almost as large a role in my life since then as my father has. To me, he's giving me to be married as much as my mother and father are. So in order to include him too, I'm having both of my "dads" give me away together, and when asked who gives me to be married my father will simply say "her family." To me this simplifies things, by honoring all three of them (both dads plus my mom), as well as the rest of my family who's played a major role in my life, without having a long, specific list. So maybe this could work for you too.

TNMurray · June 2010

I Love what Razia is doing. I would even dare to have all 4 parent stand up and say "we do". That is if you are close with your step parents. If you are blessed to have 4 great parents then include them all.

tenofcups4me · June 2010

1. I'm not sure that I've ever actually heard that question asked at a wedding. Are you sure it's going to be part of the ceremony? Do you even want it to be part of the ceremony? (I wouldn't -- no one gave me away.)

2. If you do want to do it, why can't your father and mother both stand up and say "We do"? Because yeah, I think it would be weird for your father to speak for a woman he hasn't been married to in decades.

Hawkteacher · July 2010

I like "her family." I think it is the kindest way to cover all bases.

I too have divorced parents so I understand. When your parents are divorced you do overthink everything! Divorce is the wound that never fully heals - it's always there and always creates some level of stress. You want both parents and stepparents to be happy and not feel like they're being slighted or preferred over someone else. It's a difficult balancing act. One thing I've found helps is actually talking with your parents about the traditions that are giving you stress. Most likely you'll find that they're willing to do anything to make you happy.

mrod41402 · April 2013

My husband and I have been divorced since my daughter was 2 yrs old, and he was a deadbeat dad, so she has no interest in him walking her down the aisle, or "giving her away". But she feels guilty about asking my current husband to give her away, because she's afraid she will hurt her father's feelings, as he is still her father, no matter how horrible of a person he is. I wanted to walk her down the aisle, but she feels that's to "abnormal" so that idea is out as well. Her brothers are groomsmen, so they won't be doing it. So she decided to have my (step-)Dad walk her down the aisle, as a "grandfather" he was the closest person she had as a father figure growing up before I remarried.
So now she is stuck on what he will say when the preacher asks "who gives this woman"... however it goes

She would like to use "her grandmother, her mother, and I" but I think that's taking it a little too far. I think it would be appropriate for him to simply say " I do on behalf of her mother".
We are really stuck on this and the wedding is a week away, so we need to figure it out.
Any ideas/suggestions???

What does father say to give bride away when parents are divored

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