Friends No More

Re: Friends No More

• AddieCake member

  

  April 2013 edited April 2013

  Yes, I would say it is fairly common for friendships to fizzle after college, especially when people move away. If you ask these women to leave your bridal party, please know that you are most likely ending your friendship with them completely. What exactly are you expecting of them? You want to end the friendships because they didn't ask you to be in their weddings? That's it? Since your wedding is now not for over a year, there is nothing they need to be doing for the wedding right now, and if they are planning weddings of their own, they are likely very busy.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• Peledreamsofrain member

  

  April 2013

  Yep, extreme overreaction.  Long distance relationships naturally will errode the frequency of communication over time.  A really good friendship will withstand that.  I have friends from college that I only talk to once a year, and they stood in my wedding without a second thought.  It was as if we were never apart despite not being constantly up each other's business about everything we were doing across the country.

  
  

  What you are thinking about doing is extreme, and really very hurtful.  It's the equivalent of punching someone because they bumped you.  It's publically humiliating, a huge rejection, and confusing if they didn't do anything to deserve it (like sleep with your FI).

  
  

  Take how you feel about never being asked to be in your friend's bridal party, then maginify it x5.  That's how your friends will feel when you 'fire; them because they don't FB you often enough.

  
  

  
  

  Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friends-no-more?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fdbc40f9-cb2e-48cc-b534-72bf398c5394Post:adb5f174-09d6-46ce-ae76-8cd207c5e8ff">Friends No More</a>:
  [QUOTE]My fiancee and I got engaged in May 2012 and my best friends were right there with us and celebrated that night to the highest of celebrations. It was a no brainer to have those 3 girls as my maids in my July 2013 wedding! I didn't even think to ask the one because I just thought she would know. (I did ask her once it was pointed out that I should.) In August 2013 I accepted a teaching position 500 miles from my best friends and 300 miles from my fiancee. I went through a lot those first few months, including postponing the wedding a year because I just don't have the time or patience to long distance plan a wedding, my first year teaching. Depression is definitely the word I would use. I pulled myself out by Christmas and tried to repair our friendship immediately there after. Although I wish they had been there to help me out in the fall. Things are clearly different now. My MOH is getting married in August 2013 and she didn't ask me to even be in the wedding. One bridesmaid is MIA completely, every once in a while I get a straggled FB message, she is planning her wedding for May 2014(and I'm not in it), another has made it very clear that she is too busy to talk to me. I believe I will wait until after my MOH's wedding in August to politely ask her to step down and out of my wedding and I am seriously thinking about asking all of them out. Am I overreacting? Is this a normal thing? To completely fall out with your best friends immediately after graduating?
  Posted by kah53742012[/QUOTE]
  
  College friendships can fizzle. High School friendships can fizzle.  All friendships can fizzle!   It's pretty normal.  And weddings aren't tit for tat, so just because you've asked them to be in your WP, doesn't mean you have to be in theres.  And as PP mentioned, if you kick them out of your WP, you will be completely ending the relationship with them.

  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  April 2013

  Do you want to salvage your friendships with these women? 

  
  

  Have you explained to your friends that you went through a period of depression and readjustment to you new situation? Since you aren't able to keep in touch with any of them, I wonder if they think you are the one who has moved on from the friendships. They also could be having a rough time transitioning from school to careers and planning their own weddings. 

  
  

  School and work friendships tend to fizzle when you move on. But every once in a while they rekindle. Some friends don't see each other for years, but are able to pick up where they left off when they do get together. 

  
  

  Don't make any rash decisions.

                     

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  April 2013

  I'm getting the feeling that you were expecting them to ask you to be a BM? You do realize that weddings are not tit for tat right? Friendships take work, if there's no communication then it will start to fizzle out. If you are considering kicking these girls out just because they're living their own lives and not including you in every aspect then maybe you should do it. They're probably better off.

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• Xstatic3333 member

  

  April 2013

  I had a painful break from my college friends too, so I know how hard it is. It's ok to feel privately sad, but please don't kick them out. This is very rude, and makes you the automatic bad guy in the situation. Since you have time, work on rebuilding your friendships with them outside of wedding talk. When it comes time to buy dresses six months out, if they don't want to stand with you anymore they will let you know. In all cases, be gracious, don't act like you're expecting them to back out, and keep your head up.

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• Simply Fated member

  

  April 2013

  "Am I overreacting? Is this a normal thing? To completely fall out with your best friends immediately after graduating?" It happened to me, too. I can completely empathize. I moved away and when I moved back, they had all moved on. It still hurts sometimes. I can't say you're overreacting. I think if you ask her to step down it would be an overreaction. Take a break from stressing over this and play it all by ear. Don't take the fact that they didn't ask you to be in their wedding party personally.

  
  

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• nda8414 member

  

  April 2013

  I don't really have anything to add other than what others have already told you, except to add some moral support.  I'm sorry you're going through this, but you'll get through it.  Congratulations on the wedding!

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• hgminor member

  

  April 2013

  I agree with all PPs.  I had many friendships in college that are nothing more than an occasional facebook post now.  And that's fine.  People change.  One of my BMs lived in Switzerland for two years right out of college, and we didn't keep up communication very well.  However, whenever we are together (she's back now it's like things never changed between us at all.  We just have new experiences we can share with the other.

  
  

  The question is, do you WANT to be friends with them still.  If you kick them out, it's game over! 

  
  

  I would suggest trying to schedule a day to hang with each of them.  No wedding talk allowed, just work on rebuilding and strengthening your friendships.

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• MissMolly member

  

  April 2013

  Yep, I agree with this. When I read your post, OP, I didn't get the feeling that you were expecting to be BM for each of them, but instead, I understood that you were hurt that they weren't there for you when you desperately needed them to be during your depression. I think it's a great idea to schedule a time with each of them to sit down and get reacquainted. Perhaps they're having siblings in their wedding parties, perhaps they didn't know what to tell you in your time of need, maybe you weren't specific enough when you needed them. I know how it is, as I've been severely depressed before with no one to talk to. I glossed everything over and dealt with it by myself. So yeah, I say give them a chance yet, and if things aren't going any better, then I do happen to agree with you in asking them to not be such an important part of your day. It just doesn't make sense to have people standing up there with you who aren't important people in your life.
  
  Alesha
  
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friends-no-more?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fdbc40f9-cb2e-48cc-b534-72bf398c5394Post:bcf81f46-32ee-4f50-864f-b0c0edf17f74">Re: Friends No More</a>:
  [QUOTE]I agree with all PPs.  I had many friendships in college that are nothing more than an occasional facebook post now.  And that's fine.  People change.  One of my BMs lived in Switzerland for two years right out of college, and we didn't keep up communication very well.  However, whenever we are together (she's back now :) it's like things never changed between us at all.  We just have new experiences we can share with the other. The question is, do you WANT to be friends with them still.  If you kick them out, it's game over!  I would suggest trying to schedule a day to hang with each of them.  No wedding talk allowed, just work on rebuilding and strengthening your friendships.
  Posted by hgminor[/QUOTE]

  

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• MsYeck member

  

  April 2013

  I would NOT ask them to step down. However I also would not be surprised if they step down on their own when you mention bridesmaid dress shopping to them down the line.

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