How to say something??

JillianNJohn · March 2013

Or do I not at all? I have a friend I've known since we were 10 yrs old. She got engaged 18+ months ago. Her divorce is still not final bc her ex is using military status to prolong it so no date has been set for her 2nd wedding.

Anyhow she create an event on Facebook and invited 250+ ppl saying they set a date.. it was worded as a wedding invitation. I was so excited for her. 3 days later the date and location Changed. Ok no biggy, things happen. A week later, it changes yet again, another city and a other date. Within 3 weeks there were 4 diff dates and locations.

She is going wedding crazy and while I'm excited for her, I, and others feel she's not serious now bc she's blasting it to everyone by email, Facebook and text non stop. When I don't respond to whatever she puts on Facebook she will text me. I try to be nice but I'm working, having 20+ texts a day about her ever changing details is mentally exhausting.

Today's she's saying where she's getting married, umm. It CAN'T hold 250 ppl... Shed be Lucky to hold 50 ppl. And then confides in me her budget for the wedding which automatically means the venue is OUT regardless of the number of ppl. (The venue alone is twice her total budget).
I love her dearly but at the same time this is driving me bonkers.

I Ended just puttingt a NO response because I'm tired of getting all the details sent to me constantly. She's now Asking why I'm not coming and saying ppl are saying they can't come and she doesn't understand. She's been hounding me for wedding details and I've been polite but quite bc she's not invited. ive told her I'm not sharing details unless things are booked, bought and paid for so I'm certain they won't change. .... I had hoped she had gotten the hint. Guess not!

Would you say something or just keep ignoring it??

Kristin789 · March 2013

I would say something. I would tell her to get her attorney to accelerate her divorce proceedings, and once divorced, she can then turn to her next wedding.

B2Z728 · March 2013

I would have a hard time taking it seriously until she is officially divorced. I'm not confrontational, so I personally would just try to avoid wedding talk with her in general and hope that she eventually gets the hint.

If you do want to talk to her about the reality of the venue she picked, you could say something along the lines of, "You've picked BlahBlah for your wedding? Oh that's a beautiful venue. We considered that space for our wedding but they can only hold 50 people and our guest list was too big for that. They were also over our budget." That might get her thinking about her unrealistic plans and possibly make her consider better options for what she needs.

misssunshine17 · March 2013

I don't know what to say, other than your friend sounds crazypants.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

Yeah I'm kind of with Missunshine. I'd be so floored be the weird behavior that I wouldn't know what to say that wouldn't provoke more crazy.

anniecate · March 2013

maybe something like,

What does (FI name) think of all this?' or something like that.

It sounds like she's out of control. Maybe she needs to take a "break" from wedding things for awhile and just meditate on what is realistic.

Sorry that wasn't much help. I just know that the little wedding planning I have done has driven me crazy and I feel better when I take baby steps. One thing at a time.

JillianNJohn · March 2013

Thanks everyone!! As least I'm not the insane one. I get excited over stuff too but this is so overboard. Today I had my phone in my scrubs pocket and actually checked it bc it kept vibrating like crazy, mostly bc my 10 yr old has chronic migraines and its been a bad week and partially bc my day was slower... She sent me 15 pictures and not even sure how many other pics. Her ideas are so far fetched... Like 1 thing is purple flowers, another is brown wicker... I thing coordinated. I ended up saying sorry chick super busy today can't chat. And she sent more stuff saying "get back to me later" ACK!! Made my head almost explode. I feel bad for her though.... Not sure why but I do.

gailpete · March 2013

Sounds like she is very excited and a little crazypants. Can you at least sit her down and point out the fact that since she created this FB group with 250 people, she has essentially invited 250 people and their SOs to her wedding and that maybe she should slow down and think about what she is doing. Also mention that the first thing that should be on her list is getting divorced and then she can worry about planning her second wedding.

kmmssg · April 2013

If you guys are BFF's I'd grab the wine and have the gentlest Come to Jesus you can with her. In all honesty, she sounds like someone who is in love with having a wedding rather than someone who should be planning a MARRIAGE.

If you can find a way to get her to slow her role I'd do it. Somehow, she needs to understand that people are already NOT taking her seriously because she has sent a beyond excessive amount of info and pics out there and keeps changing her plans.

I have a hunch that if someone doesn't get through to her fairly soon, she isn't going to have many friends left by the time she actually CAN get married again.

Just curious - what was her first wedding like? Was it an all out gala or do you think she is trying to make up for shortcomings with this one? Wouldn't be the first time I'd heard of something like that happening.

JillianNJohn · April 2013

I'm fairly sure the first was small, quick. Military wedding. I kinda think its the idea of a wedding too bc now she has no idea where or when they are gonna do it yet has a counter going (that keeps changing rapidly). Last week I goofed and showed her our cake topper, she immediately wanted the price and website so she could order the same one, i said I didn't remember bc honestly I love my unique topper and while I'm flattered she wants it too, I'm not giving her all our info. She wants to know exactly how much my Venue is, how much my photographer is, etc... NO ONE knows how much MY wedding is costing us except FI and myself. We don't feel that is anyone's business, I'm not trying to be secretive and selfish but wee worked hard to get the best prices possible and I've networked alot over the years that our DJ is free, my cake lady has been a friend for 10 years, my photographer and I bartered services, and we got a deal on our HM bc my mom works for the airlines (therefore I get cruise deals).. I have told my friend talk to ppl she already knows! Maybe I am just being a brat and rude but honestly if FI and I can each work 50-60 hours a week, use our lunch breaks to research and make phone calls and spend our weekends visiting places, more phone calls, and planning everything then there is no reason a SAHM with 2 kids in school full time can't find anything out on her own. We have busted our butts to have the wedding we want. I have told her places to avoid and given her a few leads but I'm starting to feel she just wants me to give her all my specifics.

bethie86 · April 2013

sounds to me like she wants your wedding. i know what you mean about not giving out all your details to your wedding. I'm not fully paying for my wedding alone but i still haven't given out all details to my friends who are also engaged. just something he and i don't want everyone to know everything and not really have anything to look forward to.

How to say something??

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