Just wanted to share this little gem

kmcclelland7 · April 2013

Alright, I'm lurked here long enough. Time to share:

Last week we received an invitation to a wedding for one of FI's friends from his hometown and the wedding is in two weeks. We are clearly B listed. I'm using the word "invite" loosely by the way. It was a post card with a cute picture of the couple on the front and the date, time, location, etc on the back. More like a save the date. However there wedding is in two weeks and there is an email address and phone number to RSVP to. She addressed it in pink highlighter to FI name and guest (we have been engaged since July and dating for two years before that. Figure my name out!). And here is the best part: there are the words "ceremony" "reception" and "dance" printed across the bottom. On ours she had circled just the "dance" part in pink highlighter.

I can't even... there are sooooo many things...ahhhhhhhhh!

I know it's bad etiquette on my part, but I can't bring myself to even RSVP to this "dance". It's not like she needs a head count for the meal from us.

libby2483 · April 2013

Oh my! It's the part where they just highlighted "dance" that really gets me.

MuppetFan · April 2013

I vote that you post photos of this ridiculusness!! That's just the worst, I have to see it!

It's too bad she just didn't add a line for suggested gift like they do with the humane society

___$50 _____$100 _____$200

and highlighting the $50 for dance attendees

kmcclelland7 · April 2013

Damn it! I wish I had kept it! I was so taken aback and angry that I pitched it last week as the trash was being taken out. Even FI who is not always the most savvy with etiquette was very confused and a little hurt to only be included at the dance. We don't even get dinner! Maybe I'll see if anyone else got one and take a picture. Side note: I'm not a huge fan of this girl to start with so this was just icing on the cake. Doesn't have much relevance to the story, but it's probably why I tossed it out so quickly.

misshart00 · April 2013

That is so wrong. And muppet, I would 'accidentally' highlight 200 on all of mine.

AddieCake · April 2013

This gets the biggest WTF award of the day.

baxterdreamer · April 2013

Sad!! See, another example of this crazy trend I'm seeing! I don't get it!

MuppetFan · April 2013

wait, this is a trend??

ETA: Oh good lord: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080315120516AAhhOsA

Look at the responses.

Here's one example:
"I don't think it's rude, it's YOUR wedding...probably most people would tell you to do things your way in every other aspect. You might have guests talk negatively about it, but guess what, they will get over it! You have good reasons for not wanting such a huge guest list, that is so expensive. My advice to you is send them an invitation, but be clear that they won't be receiving dinner. A way to do this is to say
"Please join us for "drinks" "Hors d' Oeuvers" etc. Let them know in your subtle way that you won't be having a fancy dinner. Also, schedule the dancing part for a time that isn't around any normal times. Like 6:00 is a dinner time...either schedule it early enough that they eat, or late enough.
You could provide light snacks that are cheap for people to munch on all night and some cheap soda! Hope this helps!
Good luck."

baxterdreamer · April 2013

The trend is breaking down the entire wedding into sections. You may be invited to all sections or just one (or two, however they decide to break it down). I get the private ceremony part and think that's just fine. I don't think it's just fine to separate your friends and family in such a public/hurtful manner.

I'm seeing it more and more. I have no idea why it makes me so angry. I think it's the true audacity of it.

Simply Fated · April 2013

I hope this trend dies out quickly.

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

Maybe send it back with a post it saying "Haha, good joke, when do the real invites go out?"

32daisies · April 2013

Oy, and oy.

Really, as PPs have suggested, isn't it just too tempting to write back and say, "Awesome! We're so looking forward to this. We'll have my three year old twin nieces with us that night, so high chairs will be available, right? If not they can just run around. Don't forget we're both vegan now! See you then!!!"

happyfor25 · April 2013

I think of all the gift grabby things brides do, this is perhaps the gift grabbiest. My DD's friend had a ceremony and reception for about 50 people and invited an additional 100+ for cake (just cake, no music, no dancing) In conversation, she said to my DD, "well weddings are so expensive, it's ridiculous to think that we could feed that many people! I'm sure everyone wants to be there for us on our special day, though" Ugh

misshart00 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Just wanted to share this little gem:[QUOTE]I think of all the gift grabby things brides do, this is perhaps the gift grabbiest.nbsp; My DD's friend had a ceremony and reception for about 50 people and invited an additional 100 for cake just cake, no music, no dancingnbsp; In conversation, she said to my DD, quot;well weddings are so expensive, it's ridiculous to think that we could feed that many people!nbsp; I'm sure everyone wants to be there for us on our special day, thoughquot;nbsp; Ugh Posted by happyfor25[/QUOTE]

This is the problem. People think they are a way bigger deal than thy actually are. People are not dying to come to your wedding. Some might be bummed that they didn't get invited, but thy get over it. It's harder to get over when there's such a blatant snub like only inviting someone for cake.

BostonGIrl4732 · April 2013

harper0813 · April 2013

This is so wrong it's hilarious to me. Who thinks this is okay?

FizzySips · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-wanted-to-share-this-little-gem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc775eef-82cc-49f1-914d-cea032fe1d24Post:bed86a69-d4f6-4e9a-b2ad-c00c9f816616">Re: Just wanted to share this little gem</a>:
[QUOTE]This is so wrong it's hilarious to me. Who thinks this is okay?
Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]

Self-absorbed brides who need a serious reality check.

MuppetFan · April 2013

I am so in awe of this, that if I got one, I would probably go through the trouble of photoshopping a professional response card together to illustrate the rudeness of it.

____ Regrets, because apparently we aren't acceptable enough to attend the wedding or reception and you clearly just want more presents.

____ Attending without presents in ripped jeans and a skanky shirt, no bra.

There's 100s of posts on the internet about this. I can't believe people think this is OK. Here's another one: Link

So sad to read some of the reactions...and then see people feel "assured" by the crappy advice. Love the bride who did this, I guess bIItched in another thread that some of the guests couldn't even show their gratitude with a $2 card. And when confronted by it with a girl saying the reception is about showing your gratitude to the guests... she said "Honestly, I do not care if anyone thought or thinks I was Bridezilla about it. I hold FIRM on the fact that this was OUR day, to plan and have however WE wanted. Why should anyone ever tailor their special day around what others want or how others will feel about it? If someone has a problem with it, they do not need to come"

arendiva · April 2013

If i recieved something like this I would probably take the high road and just not respond. But I admit the evil part of me loves muppets idea of sending back a formal RSVP with a snarky response. I guess it comes down to whether or not I wanted to keep the friendship.

kmcclelland7 · April 2013

The sad part is that this isn't the first time that we have had an "Invite" like this from one of FI's friends or whatever from his hometown. We were verbally invited to the wedding dance (again no ceremony or dinner) by a bride once. I said we were busy that day. I really just don't understand how they can be comfortable about doing that to people! Say what you will about my parents, but they made it very clear that we were not the most important people on the planet. They loved us, cared for us, supported us, but did not feel it was necessary or right to let us go on believing we were the only thing that mattered and screw everyone else and their concerns. If my mother even got a hint of anything we were doing for our wedding that would inconvenience a guest I think she was pull me aside and say "What is the matter with you?!"

Are we doing everything by the etiquette book? No. But we are trying to! We are planning so we can make sure our guest are taken care of as much as possible and it's an enjoyable experience for them as well as a nice meaningful ceremony for us.

Sorry about the mini rant. I've just seen and been offered too much bad bad bad wedding advice from people in his hometown that I can barely handle it anymore. They are lovely people outside of wedding planning, but then the crazy ideas come out strong!

kmcclelland7 · April 2013

Ohh and don't worry arendiva, I don't plan on responding because I don't want to be rude myself and I know I can't hold back a snarky remark. However I'm loving all the wonderful ideas others are coming up with for responses

Just wanted to share this little gem

Re: Just wanted to share this little gem

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