Sorry for the long post but I need to get this out and I feel like venting to complete strangers who can't really judge me is the safest way to do so. lol
Anyway, I'm VERY newly engaged (two weeks) and I'm already to the point that if it weren't for FI's family I might consider eloping. The problem is, not surprisingly, my mother. For starters, despite the fact that we are not close she was the first one I told because I knew her feelings would be hurt otherwise. I know I can't expect everyone to be over the moon for me but her reaction left a lot to be desired. An eyebrow raise, "Oh! Congratulations... Is this going to be a long engagement or are you pregnant?"
I moved on from that because honestly I'm so happy to be marrying the man of my dreams I want to shout it from the roof tops.
A few days after this, I shared with her my ideas on venues and the like, only after her prompting. She immediately told me she didn't like those ideas because she really didn't feel like driving two hours. (Despite the fact that we drove SEVEN hours through the North Carolina mountains for my sisters wedding.)
She is also constantly on me about money. She will not be paying a single dime for my wedding; my grandparents will. I am fortunate enough to have grandparents that are very well off and are wanting to pay for our day. She hates this. I could not be more thankful for this especially since they provided for me 95% of my childhood because my mother could/would not. It seems to me she would rather me go without than to be gifted by them.
Finally, I am looking into a weekend rental venue for our wedding so that we can extend our fun. My sister did something like this and it was a great weekend that left us with lots of good memories. My mother does NOT want me to do this because our "family dynamic is too weird for that." I can't understand why it wasn't too weird for my sister but is for me. She said if I didn't know she wouldn't explain it to me so I told her that anyone who doesn't want to stay doesn't have to stay. This obviously caused a huge fight. I have already decided that my dad won't be staying the entire weekend and that my step-mother won't be coming at all because my mother "can't stand to look at her."
My mother and I have never been very close and I'm fine with this but she continues to force herself into these conversations and only bringing negativity to the table. I'm afraid to say anything to her because she the type of person who will refuse to talk to me for years if ask her (no matter how nicely) to back off.
I don't know that there's much advice to be given here I just really need to know if I'm being unreasonable for being to upset and hurt over all of this.
EDIT: I want to start by saying that I am by no means a bride that expects ANYONE to pay for my wedding. I was only saying that since she wasn't paying I felt her remarks and demands were inappropriate. Sorry if it came off that way.
Another note is that the reason I don't feel badly for not inviting my father for the entire weekend or my step-mother at all is that he almost didn't make the cut for the guest list. I am inviting him because I was very much a daddy's girl when I was small. In past years though we haven't been very close in fact one of my sisters won't speak to him at all and the other is just indifferent. He won't be walking me down the aisle and will attend as a guest not FOB. I do like my step mother but she told me as soon as she heard about my engagement that she wouldn't come if my mother was going to cause problems, which she obviously is.