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May 2013 Weddings

MIL

My fiance is a twit. Yesterday we had an issue. And yet again Um cleaning the mess up. He didn't tell his mom we were getting married his dad did they are divorced he never have her an invite or told her when it was. She felt like he didn't want her there. So i went over probably didn't make her feel any better about him. But she now feels that i want her there. And she started worrying about finding a dress. She is on disability and really doesn't have any money or much for cloths. So i took the worry away and told her we would buy her a dress. And after being with him for basically four years this is the first time we are doing anything just her and i. But um going to make her look great. She never does anything with herself. Basically my mil always looks homeless. She is a very nice person. Doesn't come around much but that's probably because fiance and her both are grumpy about each other. She lives close doesn't stop much. And he never told her we were engaged.

Re: MIL

  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Your FI didn't tell his mom that you're engaged?  And a month before the wedding you're just finding out?
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    So.... your FI did not tell his mother that he's getting married and she was not invited to the wedding but you're taking her shopping for a dress to wear to your wedding? 



  • I took her over her invite yesterday. Filled her in on my plans. I hit the roof yesterday. He cannot get married without his mother there. He told me he was going to take her invite over to her months ago.
  • In Response to MIL:
    [QUOTE]My fiance is a twit. Yesterday we had an issue. And yet again I'm cleaning the mess up. He didn't tell his mom we were getting married his dad did they are divorced he never have her an invite or told her when it was. She felt like he didn't want her there. So i went over probably didn't make her feel any better about him. But she now feels that i want her there. And she started worrying about finding a dress. She is on disability and really doesn't have any money or much for cloths. So i took the worry away and told her we would buy her a dress. And after being with him for basically four years this is the first time we are doing anything just her and i. But I'm going to make her look great. She never does anything with herself. Basically my mil always looks homeless. She is a very nice person. Doesn't come around much but that's probably because fiance and her both are grumpy about each other. She lives close doesn't stop much. And he never told her we were engaged.
    Posted by kbeveritt[/QUOTE]

    FTFY
    I'm not really concerned about your FI not telling his mom he's engaged unless he was planning on her being at the wedding. If that isn't the case, then your FI sounds passive-aggressive, lazy, or mean.
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  • Yep. I figured she knew she has been over you cannot miss the ring on my finger. Its 3 carts. How do you miss that? Lol.oh man.
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re:MIL:
    [QUOTE]Yep. I figured she knew she has been over you cannot miss the ring on my finger. Its 3 carts. How do you miss that? Lol.oh man.
    Posted by kbeveritt[/QUOTE]

    How old are you and your FI?



  • In Response to Re:MIL:
    [QUOTE]Yep. I figured she knew she has been over you cannot miss the ring on my finger. Its 3 carts. How do you miss that? Lol.oh man.
    Posted by kbeveritt[/QUOTE]

    Well sure, why should she need an invite when she can see 3 carts on your hand?
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  • In Response to Re:MIL:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MIL:Yep. I figured she knew she has been over you cannot miss the ring on my finger. Its 3 carts. How do you miss that? Lol.oh man.Posted by kbeverittWell sure, why should she need an invite when she can see 3 carts on your hand? Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

    No i am saying how didn't she realize we were engaged.
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re:MIL:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:MIL: No i am saying how didn't she realize we were engaged.
    Posted by kbeveritt[/QUOTE]

    Well because usually you TELL people that you're engaged...



  • In Response to Re:MIL:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:MIL: No i am saying how didn't she realize we were engaged.
    Posted by kbeveritt[/QUOTE]

    Maybe she didn't notice your ring, even though it was so HUGE. Some people don't look for or notice those things. If you were around her enough to expect her to just see your ring and KNOW, then you were around her enough to tell her before now... and I mean YOU, not leaving it to your FI. 
    If I thought my FI had told his mother that we were engaged, our wedding would have (ie DID) come up in conversation before one month prior to the wedding.
    Honestly, with all that's going on in the world right now (read: Boston), I can't handle this. 
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  • Okay lets get this straight before someone gets even more grumpy..

    I completely understand why MIL is upset. I didn't say anything about the wedding because the once a month she stops in it was never brought up. I didn't realize she didn't know. It is not something we have kept a secret. He told everyone else in his life. I don't get why he wouldn't tell his mother.. I am just as clueless as to why he didn't tell her. My MIL is very nice I am just not close to her. Maybe his issue with her is she packed up moved out on Christmas eve and left his dad for another man.. I don't know, that was before me so if that's his issue he needs to get over it. I am just frustrated that he hurt his mother`s feelings like this. She was crying and no matter what she did or does she doesn't deserve this. I didn't think I needed to tell his mother.  Yesterday I went to her house (first time I have ever been inside her home) gave her the invitation and talked to her . I don't want her to be upset but I understand she is and I understand why. I think it is very hurtful he didn't tell his mother.
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2013
    Grumpy? 

    We're trying to understand why your FIs mother doesn't know he's getting married in a month. Obviously, if he had absolutely no relationship with her this would make more sense, but clearly that is not the case since she was meant to be invited. 

    Meanwhile, you're calling your FI a twit, saying your FMIL dresses like a homeless person, and waving around your ring which you expected would light up the sky like a bat signal and alert your FMIL that her son is engaged. 



  • I think you two have some things you need to get straightened out before you get married.  Just saying.
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  • In Response to Re: MIL:
    [QUOTE]Okay lets get this straight before someone gets even more grumpy.. I completely understand why MIL is upset. I didn't say anything about the wedding because the once a month she stops in it was never brought up. I didn't realize she didn't know. It is not something we have kept a secret. He told everyone else in his life. I don't get why he wouldn't tell his mother.. I am just as clueless as to why he didn't tell her. My MIL is very nice I am just not close to her. Maybe his issue with her is she packed up moved out on Christmas eve and left his dad for another man.. I don't know, that was before me so if that's his issue he needs to get over it. I am just frustrated that he hurt his mother`s feelings like this. She was crying and no matter what she did or does she doesn't deserve this. I didn't think I needed to tell his mother.  Yesterday I went to her house (first time I have ever been inside her home) gave her the invitation and talked to her . I don't want her to be upset but I understand she is and I understand why. I think it is very hurtful he didn't tell his mother.
    Posted by kbeveritt[/QUOTE]

    If you're talking about me being grumpy, you're right. I have friends in Boston that are beyond on edge because of this mad man running around. I'm worried for their safety and have a short fuse today.
    All I'm going to say is this... you think your FI should 'get over' the fact that his mother left his father on Christmas Eve for another man? You sound like a very caring individual (who also called their FI a twit). I'm not saying he's blameless here, but maybe you could try a little compassion and maybe communicate with him about why he didn't get his mother the invitation in a timely manner instead of complaining to internet strangers?
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  • Your fiances relationship with his mother isn't yours to fix. It's his choice if she's there or not. Rather than call him a twit, I would try and understand where he's coming from and respect his choice.

  • I agree that there are so many underlying issues with this. It's a HUGE red flag that they didn't even know you were engaged, and you just simply wearing a ring no matter what the size isn't going to cut it. Even worse that FMIL is just finding out about the wedding now- no matter who's at fault for that, THAT'S a problem since it's obvious there's still a relationship there. Some extremely serious discussions needed to happen yesterday.

    Best of luck to you in your planning and hope everything works out.
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  • edited April 2013
    I'm surprised any of you were able to understand what she was saying. I could barely make anything out with all of the spelling errors and the random fragmented sentences. Maybe that's just me, but any way.

    OP, if you want to have a good relationship with your FI and his mother, I would stop calling your FI a twit and his mother a homeless person. Also, no one cares if you have a ring that's 3 carats oh, I mean 3 carts. 
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re: MIL:
    [QUOTE]I'm surprised any of you were able to understand what she was saying. I could barely make anything out with all of the spelling errors and the random fragmented sentences. Maybe that's just me, but any way. OP, if you want to have a good relationship with your FI and his mother, I would stop calling your FI a twit and his mother a homeless person. Also, no one cares if you have a ring that's 3 carats oh, I mean 3 carts. 
    Posted by mymissingpuzzlepiece[/QUOTE]

    Not just you. Took me a while to decipher what was going on. 



  • Just to clarify. Did you call your fiancé a twit?
    Love is being stupid together.-Paul Valery
  • In Response to Re: MIL:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MIL : Not just you. Took me a while to decipher what was going on. 
    Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

    Glad I'm not the only one. This seems like a joke to me it's so bad.
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