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Would you be insulted?

CallaLily25CallaLily25 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
About a week ago, my parents recieved an invitation for my first cousin's (my dad's nephew's) wedding. The invitation was adressed only to my father. We all thought it must be a mistake or oversight, so my dad called my aunt (his sister) to verify if my mom (my dad's wife) was also invited.

Turns out, my mom is not invited. To be fair, it is a very small wedding. It's in two weeks and will be at the courthouse with a restaurant dinner to follow. My aunt said that my cousin wants to keep it as small as possible. However, we still feel like my mom should've been invited too. My mom's feelings are a bit hurt considering this is also her nephew (albeit by marriage rather than blood).

Would you be insulted? This is poor etiquette, correct?

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Re: Would you be insulted?

  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
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    I would be incredibly insulted.
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  • CiardasullyCiardasully member
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    I would be insulted too. You don't split up units at all but she is also his aunt.
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  • yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
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    This is a huge etiquette mistake. Married couples (and other couples, too) are considered to be a single social unit, so you can't invite one spouse but not the other to a wedding. It doesn't matter that they were trying to keep the guest list small, that is no excuse for inviting one but not the other. It's insulting and hurtful, and it's definitely wrong.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    It's rude. It's one thing not to invite you and any of your siblings, but no matter how small an event you are having if you invite someone that has a significant other/married, you must invite their partner.
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  • CallaLily25CallaLily25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Thank you for all the opinions/insight! I'm definitely going to show this to my mom. She was worried that she was overreacting, but I told her that she wasn't. I knew I could get honest feedback and the guidelines of proper etiquette from this board.

    Now my dad just needs to figure out how to respond to this very blatant etiquette breach.

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  • yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
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    I find it particularly insulting that they want your Dad to come support them in their marriage when they don't show any support for his. :(

    If I were your Dad I wouldn't be attending this wedding. 
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to Re:Would you be insulted?:[QUOTE]I would be insulted, I would not attend, and I would absolutely let the couple know why I am attending. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    This.
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  • LiLe422LiLe422 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to Re:Would you be insulted?:[QUOTE]Thank you for all the opinions/insight! I'm definitely going to show this to my mom. She was worried that she was overreacting, but I told her that she wasn't. I knew I could get honest feedback and the guidelines of proper etiquette from this board. Now my dad just needs to figure out how to respond to this very blatant etiquette breach. Posted by CallaLily25[/QUOTE]

    He should respond by declining. That was beyond rude of your cousin.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    How ridiculous. I would not hesitate to call them out on their rudeness. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • efmcc67efmcc67 member
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    Ditto PPs. This is beyond rude.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    I would be incredibly insulted. My aunt is just as much family as my uncle is. If they want to keep numbers down, this is a bad way to do it.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    I would just decline, tell them why and move on.    If they are so tight on space and/or money to be unable to invite my SO, then they should keep the money they where going to spend on me.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    That's very rude.
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  • auriannaaurianna member
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    edited March 2013
    Wow.

    Ok, so it doesn't matter whose SO you aren't inviting. It's always rude.
    But if it's possible to get even more rude/hurtful, this so is. It's one thing to not invite your friend's SO that you've never met (which is bad), but to invite your uncle but not invite your AUNT just because she doesn't share blood with you... holy crap.

    I hope this doesn't cause a family rift, but it so should.


    ETA:
    I'm an only child, but my husband's brother and his wife are expecting twin boys this spring. And I am soooooo prepared to love these kids just as much as my husband does.
    This whole thing totally rubs me the wrong way. What crap!
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
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    I would be incredibly insulted. How rude of the B&G. It's fine to want a small wedding, but you can't cut down numbers by not inviting people's spouses! Huge faux paus.

    Although it is his nephew, if I were your dad, I would probably not go at all because of this huge snub.


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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
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    edited March 2013

    He should decline and not hold back why.  This is not only rude it is
    disrespectful and insulting to his wife, to him and to their marriage. 
    Inviting an uncle or aunt without inviting the spouse would also be enough to
    cause bad blood in my family for years to come. 

    None of my aunts and uncles were invited to our small wedding because of the extremely racist views of two who married into the family.  DH is from an ethnically diverse
    family and no way in hell were we going to spend our wedding worrying about
    someone overhearing something inexcusable.  If there were a way to politely
    invite only half of a couple, we would have found it.

    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • MrsGandthebeagMrsGandthebeag member
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    Holy cow.  Not only would I decline if I were your dad I wouldn't send a gift either.
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  • CallaLily25CallaLily25 member
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    This is all great advice! I will definitely be talking to my parents. I'm sure it will cause some rift if he doesn't go, but yellowdaisies' point about not respecting my parent's marriage but expecting my dad to celebrate theirs really resonated with me...I will definitely be pointing this out to my parents. I think my dad is very torn since it's his nephew, but he just can't look past this obvious snub.

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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
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    What a horrific insult.

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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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  • nda8414nda8414 member
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    If I'm not mistaken, some courthouses can only allow a certain number of people to be present for the actual ceremony, so I can see only inviting parents and a best friend or two, but that's totally unacceptable that your mom wasn't invited to dinner also.  I'd be really hurt if I were her. :(
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
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    In Response to Re:Would you be insulted?:[QUOTE]If I'm not mistaken, some courthouses can only allow a certain number of people to be present for the actual ceremony, so I can see only inviting parents and a best friend or two, but that's totally unacceptable that your mom wasn't invited to dinner also.nbsp; I'd be really hurt if I were her. : Posted by nda8414[/QUOTE]

    If the venue space was limited than the couple should make other cuts of the guest list or found a different space. Every courthouse wedding I've been to has had between 30 and 50 people in attendance.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    >>Now my dad just needs to figure out how to respond to this very blatant etiquette breach.

    There's nothing to figure out.
    Your dad cannot go because he is MARRIED and his SPOUSE is not invited.
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    It's very hard to insult me :) And I would probably go. But it's very, very strange.
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