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Save the Date for separate Ceremony and Reception

beachekbeachek member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
Hi - we are having a small, private ceremony in NYC. Then a larger reception two weeks later in our hometown.

We are sending out Save the Dates soon. I am planning on creating the main STD for the reception as it applies to everyone on our guest list. Then I was going to do an enclosure STD card for the people who are also invited to the ceremony (our close friends and parents). The people who are invited to the ceremony already know they are, and everyone else just knows they are coming to the reception. I just want to be clear on the main STD that it is not an actual wedding, just a reception. Would this be an appropriate way to approach this?

Thanks!
Kim
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Re: Save the Date for separate Ceremony and Reception

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    itzMSitzMS member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-the-date-for-separate-ceremony-and-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:035691ab-645d-4e58-8615-5a41fa5f9a37Post:82b3426f-46bb-40fe-b67d-5d510413cfa3">Save the Date for separate Ceremony and Reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi - we are having a small, private ceremony in NYC. Then a larger reception two weeks later in our hometown. We are sending out Save the Dates soon. I am planning on creating the main STD for the reception as it applies to everyone on our guest list. Then I was going to do an enclosure STD card for the people who are also invited to the ceremony (our close friends and parents). The people who are invited to the ceremony already know they are, and everyone else just knows they are coming to the reception. I just want to be clear on the main STD that it is not an actual wedding, just a reception. Would this be an appropriate way to approach this? Thanks! Kim
    Posted by klily58[/QUOTE]

    Why not just spread the news about the ceremony via word of mouth? If it's truly private, it should be less than 20 people and you certainly wouldn't need to mail a STD for this. They can just get an invitation 6-8 weeks beforehand.

    I'm not really a fan of the reception/pretty princess day 2 weeks after a marriage ceremony. So I really don't know how you word an STD for a reception/pretty princess day. What do you even put? "Please save the date to attend the reception two weeks after we've already been married"?
    I'm just not seeing the point of an STD in this situation.
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    SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
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    I agree with itzMS. Those who are going to the ceremony shouldn't need an STD if you're truly doing a small private ceremony with your VIPs only. As for STDs for the reception, all of the wording I can think of still sounds rude so I would scrap those as well.
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    beachekbeachek member
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    i don't know what a "pretty princess day" is, but we can't get legally married in PA so we have to go to New York. we're having a reception dinner as well after the ceremony. everyone who is invited knows this, obviously, that is why the reception isn't the same day. call it what you want - "party", "reception", we're going to celebrate our wedding, and i don't appreciate anyone insinuating that it's rude to do it on separate dates. there is a reason and it's not by choice.
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    beachekbeachek member
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    oh and BTW, you can do whatever you want. if i want to wear multi-colored robes and a hat, i will. get over yourselves.
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    itzMSitzMS member
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    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-the-date-for-separate-ceremony-and-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:035691ab-645d-4e58-8615-5a41fa5f9a37Post:384c6b0d-2910-4e22-99b8-7f80e9b665fc">Re: Save the Date for separate Ceremony and Reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]i don't know what a "pretty princess day" is, but we can't get legally married in PA so we have to go to New York. we're having a reception dinner as well after the ceremony. everyone who is invited knows this, obviously, that is why the reception isn't the same day. call it what you want - "party", "reception", we're going to celebrate our wedding, and i don't appreciate anyone insinuating that it's rude to do it on separate dates. there is a reason and it's not by choice.
    Posted by klily58[/QUOTE]

    I don't want to assume by your statements regarding legally marrying in a different state, but do you mean it's a same-sex marriage?

    If that is the case, you'd need to disclose the details from the get-go so we can give proper advice.

    Same-sex marriages are one of the only exceptions in which it might be OK from an etiquette standpoint to have a separate ceremony/reception not on the same day as the legal marriage ceremony.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-the-date-for-separate-ceremony-and-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:035691ab-645d-4e58-8615-5a41fa5f9a37Post:24e10033-c135-4106-b6a8-609fdc391bdc">Re: Save the Date for separate Ceremony and Reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Save the Date for separate Ceremony and Reception : I don't want to assume by your statements regarding legally marrying in a different state, but do you mean it's a same-sex marriage? If that is the case, you'd need to disclose the details from the get-go so we can give proper advice. Same-sex marriages are one of the only exceptions in which it might be OK from an etiquette standpoint to have a separate ceremony/reception not on the same day as the legal marriage ceremony.
    Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. What is up the last couple days w/people not disclosing rather important details that would change everyone's responses?!</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    Regardless of the etiquette of this disconnected reception, I still wouldn't do a STD to people who aren't invited to the ceremony.  Any way you slice it, they aren't invited to the actual wedding.  
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    orangjulorangjul member
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    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-the-date-for-separate-ceremony-and-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:035691ab-645d-4e58-8615-5a41fa5f9a37Post:cdcd4360-3685-4004-96be-de2f7d4f1fac">Re: Save the Date for separate Ceremony and Reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Secondly: I must say for all the etiquette Nazis on this board: This is the rudest bunch of women I have ever encountered on the knot. Please stop being rude. Not everyone's wedding fits into the neat little box of your world. Stop judging people and be helpful, not hateful.
    Posted by melicifant[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>AMEN!!!  I don't know why I bother with this website any more.  It's a bunch of hens clucking at each other and trying to outdo each other.  I hope all their marriages fail.  They obviously invest so much time into their weddings, how do they have any time left to nurture their relationships?

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    rpilkingrpilking member
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    edited September 2013
    This thread is too much! I'm in a similar boat with a wedding 4 hours away and I refuse to not have at least some celebration that night...but I have less than 25 people on my side of the guest list..it's my Fiance's family and close friends that are making our location choice tricky. His mom suggested a larger reception in our hometown area to include his parents friend. I guess I won't be bothered by it because my guest list will be the same for both (I minimized like mad!) and we aren't expecting gifts from anyone (even at the ceremony- we aren't going to register or anything we don't need anything- we just want to be married) my guest list is so low because my parents aren't helping pay anything and I'm not too close to my dads side of the family at all. But this is tough since we have such a tight budget. And OP I wish you success and think you should do whatever you want and you seem to totally have a good reason for two receptions. I also couldn't imagine only having the ceremony without a reception just to wait for a reception on a different day when more people can attend.
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    orangjul said:
    In Response to Re: Save the Date for separate Ceremony and Reception:
    Secondly: I must say for all the etiquette Nazis on this board: This is the rudest bunch of women I have ever encountered on the knot. Please stop being rude. Not everyone's wedding fits into the neat little box of your world. Stop judging people and be helpful, not hateful.
    Posted by melicifant

    AMEN!!!  I don't know why I bother with this website any more.  It's a bunch of hens clucking at each other and trying to outdo each other.  I hope all their marriages fail.  They obviously invest so much time into their weddings, how do they have any time left to nurture their relationships?

    Lovely. 



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    wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
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    orangjul said:
    In Response to Re: Save the Date for separate Ceremony and Reception:
    Secondly: I must say for all the etiquette Nazis on this board: This is the rudest bunch of women I have ever encountered on the knot. Please stop being rude. Not everyone's wedding fits into the neat little box of your world. Stop judging people and be helpful, not hateful.
    Posted by melicifant

    AMEN!!!  I don't know why I bother with this website any more.  It's a bunch of hens clucking at each other and trying to outdo each other.  I hope all their marriages fail.  They obviously invest so much time into their weddings, how do they have any time left to nurture their relationships?

    Yeah, because that wasn't rude or anything...
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    Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
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    melicifant said:
    First, to the question at hand:
    You may word the STD as it is the reception to celebrate your nuptials. Do not include the words ceremony, just reception. And congratulations! I don't think gender matters at all, therefore was not an important detail. Love is love and marriage is hard work.

    Secondly:
    I must say for all the etiquette Nazis on this board: This is the rudest bunch of women I have ever encountered on the knot. Please stop being rude. Not everyone's wedding fits into the neat little box of your world. Stop judging people and be helpful, not hateful.
    @melicifant, Either the women on this board are putting Jews in ovens or you have a very poor understanding of history and the words you use. Don't use words that are beyond your comprehension.



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