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Maiden name on invitations?

MuppetFanMuppetFan member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I still have my ex's last name. I didn't realize until I was in court that I had to decide then and there to revert to my maiden name again and had just gone through all the work to change it to the married name...and didn't want people professionally to know know that I was divorcing because I didn't want the discussion about it. I've regretted that for years.

I don't really want reference to my ex's name during my wedding.

For my invitations, do you think it matters if I use my maiden name?  Everyone invited knows it's my maiden name or is on Fiance's side and doesn't know either name.

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You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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Re: Maiden name on invitations?

  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
        My MIL has her 2nd ex-husband's name and didn't want to have that on the invite.  So we put her maiden name.  I figured it's not a legal document, who really cares?


    In your case a lot of people write checks/send cards, etc to the couple based on the names they see on the invitation.  I would worry about people do that and you not being able to cash the checks and or not get gifts or something based on the wrong last name.

    Are you doing a registry?  If yes, what is you name on that?  That would be another reason to keep it consistent.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • radleybooradleyboo member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I used my ex's name on our invitations for my second wedding, because FI and I are hosting ourselves, and that's the name I've been known by since 2002. 

    I don't think there would be anything wrong with you using your maiden name, honestly.  I can understand your point of view and why you'd want to eliminate your ex's name.  Maybe post this on the Second Wedding board too if you'd like more input? 
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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    No, we are hosting.

    I didn't even think about checks. Half of my family thinks my last name is still my maiden name and has sent me checks that I've cashed. I will double check with the bank though, that's a great point.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I mean, it is YOUR name now. I'm sure that the last name you currently have legally does not solely belong to your Ex-H. As in, you two aren't the only two "Johnson's" in the world.

    Yeah, it sucks a little bit, but quite honestly I'd stick to your legal name.
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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    I meant to add that no, we are not registering anywhere.

    Actually, EX's last name is very rare. Everyone I've ever met in this area with the last name is related to him...and there's very few. His family is actually an original settler to one of the major towns here and traces back to the Mayflower.  But that's not really the reason, most people wouldn't know about that at all.

    Mainly, it's more symbolic. I'm embarrassed about being divorced and having another man's name still. I know it's no big surprise to anyone that this is my past.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My sister's BFF was divorced and she kept her husband's last name until she got married again.

      After the separation she moved and took a new job.   Once the divorce was complete she was established in her new place as his name and considered single.   Changing her name would just open up conversations she didn't want to have. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    and didn't want people professionally to know know that I was divorcing because I didn't want the discussion about it.

    how long until they found out?
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  • audreyecu61audreyecu61 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    Your not violating any laws if you put your origiinal birth name aka maiden name on the invites.

    It is up to you how you want to be addressed in the future.

    I understand the stressor/papework/time/questions about changing your name after a divorce.

    When I got my divorce I changed my name back and I had people rudely asking me, "what kind of last name is that!" (It is basque) or "why would you change your name to something so hard to spell and pronounce."

    So my .02 cents is do what feels right for you.
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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maiden-name-on-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0580f7aa-d18a-4cbf-8a56-1fd80fadb0fbPost:70e2c6f0-fabd-493e-8b13-02b11388e4b7">Re: Maiden name on invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]and didn't want people professionally to know know that I was divorcing because I didn't want the discussion about it. how long until they found out?
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    Short answer: Most still don't know.

    When I changed my name when I got married, I got tons of people asking me if I got married and talking about it because I had to update everyone on my e-mail address. When I got divorced, I didn't change my name and my e-mail didn't change again so none of my clients asked me about it. My territory has since changed so I have different clients. As far as I know, none of them know I divorced.

    My company has about 80 people. 5 of them are in a local office. Those 5 and maybe 2 or 3 from corporate knew about it. But other than that, most people didn't know I divorced until they found out I was engaged. I got divorced 6 years ago.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    wow, that must have been hard/awkward to keep that info private for so long, but i understand because i see how people ask so many questions about any type of life event and sometimes people just dont want to talk abotu stuff, nor shoudl they have to!
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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maiden-name-on-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0580f7aa-d18a-4cbf-8a56-1fd80fadb0fbPost:9b5b9038-25f2-4d6c-b4e8-2caf968598c3">Re: Maiden name on invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]When I got my divorce I changed my name back and I had people rudely asking me, "what kind of last name is that!" (It is basque) or "why would you change your name to something so hard to spell and pronounce." So my .02 cents is do what feels right for you.
    Posted by audreyecu61[/QUOTE]

    The president of my company told me "Good choice, that's way better than your maiden name". I was shocked because I didn't see anything wrong with my maiden name. My married name maybe sounds prettier. It's almost the same last name as my name to be. So close, that I don't think most people will notice that it change.

    This time - I am not going to get a new firstname.lastname e-mail.  I already have one that is just my first name that fwds to my firstname.lastname e-mail because and I'm just going to swap it so that my firstname@company.com is my primary and the old one fowards to that. Although, I am happy to tell people that I got married this time.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maiden-name-on-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0580f7aa-d18a-4cbf-8a56-1fd80fadb0fbPost:681a4579-65d6-4b53-bce8-7dd0f00577ff">Re: Maiden name on invitations?</a>:
    [QUOTE]wow, that must have been hard/awkward to keep that info private for so long, but i understand because i see how people ask so many questions about any type of life event and sometimes people just dont want to talk abotu stuff, nor shoudl they have to!
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    WTH is wrong with TK today. I keep trying to post a response and it disappears while I'm typing it. Sometimes they reappear later with just a partial message ugh.

    Anyway, it was. I mean I just did NOT want to talk about getting divorced within a year of getting married. It's not something i was proud of or happy about and I was very emotional. People pry. Some people in my personal life demanded explanations and I just was sick of explaining myself. Now I can do it no problem, but it was really hard at the time.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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