Ahhhh....help.
Here's my situation. I, and all of my family and friends, am from Missouri. I live and work in eastern Ohio and met my fiance here. Our wedding is this October at a beautiful lodge on a lake in western PA. It is my wish to keep the guest list small enough that the entire reception can be held in the house - that is 50 people. We have had to be strict on who we invite. For example: aunts and uncles but no cousins. All of the cousins are over 18 so it isn't as if we're demanding a child be left alone. We have the guest list finalized. My parent's side of the family is large so they are putting on a reception two weekends after the wedding in Missouri so we can celebrate with all of the family that would have been invited if not for a semi-destination wedding for my side of the family. At the Missouri reception I will wear a dress (not my wedding dress) and there will be cake, but just a sheet cake, and hor d'oeuvres and a DJ.
My question: should I have the same type of "reception" here in Ohio? The only person who seems offended that my fiance's multitude of cousins (and their various offspring) aren't invited to the wedding is his mother. And here is where I've seen very strong opinions: would it be innappropriate to have the party before the wedding? My wedding is October 19, the Missouri reception is November 2, and the holidays are rapidly approaching afterwards... I've seen a suggestion of calling it a "Pre-Nuptual" party or BBQ and it would be a more casual affair in Ohio since it's like pulling teeth to get the parents of the groom to clean up and rent a tux/buy a dress. Sometimes it's overwhelming and I think it wouldn't even be appreciated if we had a pre-party and the only ones to come would be the people already invited to the wedding.