Constant Reminder of 1st Wedding

Re: Constant Reminder of 1st Wedding

• mandi195

  

  April 2013

  That would be a pain. My FI and I were both married previously, so we do mention what we had "last time" so we dont' do it again; and even though we are the ones bringing it up, it still sucks to think about previous marriages. 

  A shower is a gift, not a necessity, so I'd say nothing. If someone else offers to throw you a "normal"shower, yay for you; but unfortunately you cannot dictate your shower. You only option is to politely decline having a shower hosted by your FMIL; tell her not to worry about the shower part and just let her have her family reunion unrelated to your wedding.

  Praying for a miracle!

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• clg1213 member

  

  April 2013

  I'm sorry you have to deal with all that.  Honestly, I have told some people that I wouldn't expect a gift, in part with the thought that they had given me one prior (in 2006). BUT, I think that's different coming from the B or G versus your FMIL. She's not being at all sensitive or appropriate.  
  
  My father actually made a comment about it being a pain for folks to have to come in and out for my wedding...with a heavy hint that it is different because it is my 2nd (it is FI's 1st).  Since it was "my" side, I did call him on the comment....he didn't quite see why it was offensive.  He said I'd talked about just eloping and he figured it was an argument for that....but I always said it would be a joint decision and we'd clearly decided on a more traditional wedding (my father is not paying so that wasn't the issue). 
  
  Just know that the wedding is special to you and to FI and try to push through the troubles with his mom.   I think I'd tend to just bite my tongue (or push FI to talk to her about the issue generally), but totally understand being hurt.  Come back to vent if you need to!!!

  

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• zambooka100 member

  

  April 2013 edited April 2014

  
  

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• beautifulmama28 member

  

  April 2013 edited April 2013

  having been married the first time for 18 years (with no wedding) I will tell you a little secret about MIL's. They can be great, however...if you let them control things from the get go, you can expect it to always be that way.

  
  

  My Ex, we got married at 18 and 19. Being young, we obligied his mother when she told him she would not attend our *civil ceremony* if y ex's father was there (they had been divorced for years mind you).  He did her bidding...only later realizing what a HUGE mistake that was (not inviting his real father  )

  
  

  She had her monents where I loved her but she was a serious control freak during our relationship.  To the point where when I finally stood up to her 11/12 yrs in...she had the audacity to go behind my back to my husband at the time and talk trash about me (which there was nothing to say...honestly she was just mad I called her out on something she did, I'm like that LOL)

  
  

  Anyway my point is, do not let her control it all regardless of if they are fronting the bill or not. Paying for the wedding, even at a great percentage does not give them control over who/what/where and when.  Talk it over with your FI, set boundaries and he should stick by them even when he is in their prescence and not yours.

  
  

  
  

  In sharp contrast, my FMIL is a great woman, she is loving, caring and has become a friend and shows me respect. 

  Christie + Chad ~June 8, 2013~
   CPT & mama to 9 kids, one SIL & a grandbaby girl!
  

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• Anoki member

  

  April 2013

  I would take control and politely refuse for them to pay for it. I would rather wait and pay for it myself then deal with that sort of rudeness and control over a day that is supposed to be about you and your future spouse
  
  This sounds like the moment to put up those boundries, the longer you wait to do that the harder it will become.

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