You only have 1 wedding, 2nd weddings are for the JOP

daffydillie · April 2013

Well, the lectures and tense feelings that I have been feeling my dad finally said what hes been thinking. FI and I should have just went to the JOP instead of having anyone there. ::sighs::

I have been feeling really uneasy about getting remarried and having a "big" wedding but FI really wanted one. Its expensive, we just bought a total rehab house after our house fire, and we are literally starting over with each other in a new life. New jobs, new career paths, new home, etc and I caved and decided to give FI his dream wedding. (Yes we tell him all the time about how he is getting his "pretty princess day" and he loves it.) FI has been working out of town a lot and doesnt ask for much so when he does ask, I tend to give him whatever he wants.

We are having a Methodist ceremony (1st wedding ExH was "atheist" so we were married by the mayor), a large reception in a nice hall with a really excellent caterer, and doing all the little things I did not do with the first wedding that FI feels is really important to him and us both as a couple.

I mean, I could honestly say my first wedding was really small with maybe 20 family members showing up because they did not support what we were doing. I was not happy about anything with the first wedding. I wanted to get married in a church ExH wouldnt have it, I wanted to get married in my hometown ExH wouldnt have it, I wanted to get married on the river ExH wouldnt have it, and so on and so on.

I know there is nothing I can do about it. I mean I am hurt but I wont tell anyone just went home and had a good cry. I didnt want to be divorced and wish I wouldnt have gotten married the first time but I was in "lurve" and everyone, including my dad at the time, was pressuring me to get married and kept saying I was a lesbian because I wasnt. Not to mention the I needed to hurry up and have kids because my biological clock was ticking argument. I am the last of my cousins to be married (well remarried now) and the only one without kids and I am one of the older ones.

::sighs:: I dont know. I cant wait until its all over.

cornflwr33 · April 2013

It is your day. If you and fiance want a big wedding and you can afford it... then do it!!!! Don't worry about what others think but the day is about you two:)

I am getting remarried.... FIance's first... we're having a bigger wedding... My mom isn't too thrilled with the idea but that's not going to stop us... It's what we want.... I'm doing it the way I want to do it this time around

Hang in there- everything will work out!

Sue-n-Kevin · April 2013

I'm sorry your Dad is being such a piece of doo doo.

When we married back in August 2011 it was my husband's 3rd, my first. He'd had JOP weddings the first 2 times because he married while in the Air Force. We planned a nice, elegant wedding, invited 100, had 73 show up. At no time did anyone in his family make us feel we didn't deserve to celebrate the day the way we wanted.

I wish you luck. Simply enjoy the day you have planned and ignore/avoid the naysayers.

Best wishes.

clg1213 · April 2013

*hugs*

I'd have been okay with running off, having done the "big day" before, but always said I'd support FI's choice if he wanted something more traditional (my 2nd, his 1st). He does, and so we do (even if that makes me sound like a "whatever you want" gal...I'm not....). My dad doesn't get it, and made a rude comment about people having to come in "just" for the wedding, but I'm trying to get by that. He has NOT been as hard as so many I've seen on this board.

Heck, in some ways second timers deserve the party more...we worked extra hard to find our loves, we had to come back from a loss of our prior marriage (it IS a loss, of a dream and a plan and so much, even if we say "good riddance" to the former husband). We survived AND healed our hearts AND we eventually found our way to love again. Marriage is still as big a commitment and as amazing an event the second time.

It is YOUR day, YOU and FI....that's it.... Finish up the last month of planning and then ENJOY it. Let some of your friends (perhaps the BMs) know about the tension and keep an eye out to come interrupt if your Dad is being hurtful in any way on the wedding day.

beautifulmama28 · April 2013

I can relate to this. Not my parents, but a few of my siblings were secretly talking smack about my wedding to my mother behind my back. I love my sibs, but at the end of the day...its mine and FI's day. I got married to my ex at age 18, had no money and my father refused to pay for anything (he's a massive tight wad *rollmyeyes*)...so now that I'm a big girl (38 lol) and have $ towards my big princess day? We are doing it

Sorry to hear your going through that, but like others have said...try not to let it get to you, focus on the day and you and FI's love and the start of new begingings

MikesAngie · April 2013

Sorry your dad is being Mr. poopy pants! I agree with Retread's advice.

My husband set the tone for our wedding long before we were engaged or even planning our wedding. My mom (dad had passed) and my DH's parents were constantly buzzing about our getting hitched. (we have a lengthy back story and our relationship was immediately approved of and sanctioned by the 'rents) My mom mentioned that we should just pick a day and get this done (of course she would want to be there and so would my sisters). She went on to talk about how we could wear the clothes that we wore to my baby sister's wedding. My now DH and I were in the kitchen and I mentioned what my mom said. His response was, no that is not how I see this happening when it happens. His "vision" was me in a gown and him in a tux, a formal ceremony and a full blown reception. That is just exactly what we did.

One of our (his) cousins asked a harmless question about 2nd time brides wearing white, I said sure why not. She was on board after that. One of my sisters tried to be snarky about it and I simply stated that she could be in the wedding party as one of the ladies who supported my decision or she could be a guest - period. She choose to be in the wedding party...

Any vendors that were rude were simply told I would spend my hard earned money else where...

Stick to your guns and tell dad that you love him and hope he will attend your wedding as an honored guest and then stop sharing your planning with him.

Lisa50 · April 2013

I realize I'm late to the party, here ... but I hope you've found some peace in the past few days.

I hope you can find a way not to care what people think about you, your sexuality, the children you have or do not have, the house you live in, the blue dress you wear to your wedding, etc. Tune it out. Turn it off. Let it all go. Please.

Good luck!

KimandByron · April 2013

I'm sorry your had to deal with that comment. People can be so cruel and not think about what they say affecting the other person. I worried about what others thought becaues we are having a big wedding. My 3 (married the same guy twice) and his 2nd. He had the big wedding thing his first time and just wants me to have what i want. My first one was JOP and the next two to the same guy were very small church weddings with about 20 people.This time we are sparing no detail. It's our day just as it is yours. Enjoy the planning and having the wedding day you and your FI want

You only have 1 wedding, 2nd weddings are for the JOP

Re: You only have 1 wedding, 2nd weddings are for the JOP

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