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July 2013 Weddings
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Rehearsal dinner...

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
Second Anniversary 10 Comments
in July 2013 Weddings
I really really really do love my FMIL so much, but I am tired of this topic constantly coming up.

My in-laws are helping a lot financially with the wedding, which I am beyond grateful for since my parents are unable to, which I completely understand. Because of this, I have been extremely flexible and compromised in many situations to please them, no big deal.

However, the rehearsal dinner. We picked a place and I paid the security deposit. We told FI parents we would pay half of the rehearsal dinner, they originally offered to pay for it all, but we do not want to take advantage of their genorousity. FMIL was a bit concerned about the prices of the restaurant when we were looking, but after eating there we both loved the meals and the restaurant, so we decided to book. She had me inquire about the prices after I paid the security deposit, they provided me with the information and we were good. Well, now here we are at the end of the April, and she is bringing up her concerns to me again about the prices and how it doesnt make sense that more is not included. She keeps referencing how for the bridal shower (which was at a different restaurant in a different city mind you), it was the same price but more was included than just the meal. Is it wrong of me to say that not every restaurant or venue pricing and inclusions are the same???

I understand her concerns, but we both knew the prices when we booked. And because we are paying for half of it which the security deposit goes towards the final payment, she really is paying less for it here than paying for the whole thing at a different restaurant.

This is just something that I do not feel like I should or have to stress about, but she brought it up again and so now I am back to stressing. Maybe I should offer for FI and I to just pay for the whole thing if she is that concerned about the pricing? I just feel like I am completely caught between a rock and a hard place and there is no way out.
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Re: Rehearsal dinner...

  • dem068dem068 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
    You should have you FI talk to her too, instead of you talking to her directly about it.  I think it is always easier to reason with our own parents than future in-laws.  Have him say something like, "Listen mom, this is how much it is, we knew the price and what was included going into it, and we can't change anything now.  If you think it is too much to pay for dinner, then we will cover it, or you can contribute what you feel comfortable paying."
    Then depending on her answer, you can adjust your budgeting/ guest list accordingly.
    Sorry this is happening, it really is NOT something that you should have to stress out about :(
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  • AmJam04AmJam04 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't completely agree with dem.

    I do agree that your FI should sort of take over, because it is easier to deal with your own parents when it comes to "stressful" conversations. However, I would probably approach the conversation differently.

    For starters, talk to your dinner venue and verify that more cannot be included within that price. Maybe they can offer some other kind of perk? Like waiving corkage or something? Even if they can't, you've already paid the deposit. So if your FMIL keeps insisting, just say something along the lines of "you make really good points, and I've done X to try to get us a better deal, but they're not budging. Unfortunately we already paid the deposit, so there's no turning back with them. Please don't feel obligated to spend more than you're comfortable, FI and I are more than happy to host the rehearsal dinner entirely because we know that it's on the expensive side..."

    ...Or something similar -- basically, put the responsibility on yourselves -- they don't HAVE to pay for anything (which I know you're not implying, but based on how you phrase your words to them, it may come off that way).
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  • dem068dem068 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
    That's a good point, definitely call the venue first and see if there is anything they can have a little wiggle room on (if you haven't already).  If you have tried and there is nothing else that can be changed, I would definitely loop FI in to deal with his mom about it.  I know that I can be very blunt with my mom when she is being unreasonable (but would never do so with FI's mom, since it is his mom and I assume he knows the best way to deal with sticky situations with her)
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    Thank you both for your feedback! I emailed the venue and got more clarifications and FI has been speaking with his mom. It was just a bit awkward in the beginning because she called me not him to talk about this, probably because she knows I'm planning mostly everything :) She finally told us exactly how much the dollar amount she is giving us, and we are just paying the difference, so it has all worked out thankfully!
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  • dem068dem068 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
    Awesome, glad to hear it is working out!  My FI's mom comes directly to me also (since she knows I am also doing most/all of the planning), so I know what that is like! 
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