Ring - What do you think?

MuppetFan · April 2013

FMIL gave FI and I her wedding ring set from her second marriage which was incredibly meaningful to both of them. Her husband passed away.

I appreciate the sentiment behind it and I value very much that it means so much to FI.

I do however, to some extent feel like I'm just wearing her rings and I know a lot of that is just emotional because of my current relationship with her. So I've been considering getting a different band to pair with the e-ring so that it's also "mine".

Am I being ridiculous, is this an unnecessary expense? Or is it...this is going to be on my finger for the rest of my life kind of justification? ETA: I listed a few photos below but I think you have to click them to see the photos in a decent size.

Here's the original Set:

Here is the one I'm considering replacing it with:

Ella and Pedro · April 2013

I understand what you are saying. I guess I'd do it if you have the means $$$. But, it's not going to help with your already awkward and troubled relationship.

audrewuh · April 2013

Have you thought about using the stones in a different setting? Otherwise, I'd get a new band.

lyndausvi · April 2013

I would take the stones and make new setting. Best of both worlds in my opinion.

I should state that is what I did, so I might be bias.

MuppetFan · April 2013

I don't really want to change the engagement ring. I like it. I'm just talking about getting a different wedding band to pair with it. That way I still have her ring and then I'd have a new one to match with it.

I did look at using the stones from the band itself in a different setting but it would cost too much. Much more than the other band.

Does the new band not look right/compliment the e-ring?

Ella, it won't affect my relationship with FMIL. She wanted to sell the set if he didn't want to give it to me.

RamonaFlowers · April 2013

As long as you have the money for it, I don't judge you if you decide to get a second band instead. Or, if your FI and FMIL are okay with it, there's the option of taking the stones from the current rings and putting them in different settings. You're the one who has to wear the e-ring and wedding band "as long as you both shall live"-you aren't obligated to wear rings that you aren't crazy about just to make your MIL happy.

lyndausvi · April 2013

Honestly, I just do not see so much of a difference to justify changing it. But that is just me.

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ring-what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cee7a0c6-94fa-42a8-93e8-d2b25f6ff8dbPost:d4d1c15c-fc27-4f40-b3c0-8bac9baa4ce0">Re: Ring - What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I just do not see so much of a difference to justify changing it. But that is just me.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Really? they don't look anything alike. The first photo is the original set. The other 2 are different angles of the same ring that I'm considering replacing it with. It's a channel band. The other one... I'm not sure what you call it.

I might've made it confusing with the 2 angles.

lyndausvi · April 2013

Sure they are different, but not that different to me.

But I'm not wearing it. You will be looking at the ring all the time at a better angle than anyone else. Do what you want.

misssunshine17 · April 2013

I thought you uploaded the wrong pics because they looked the same to me.

QueerFemme · April 2013

I don't think they are different enough to justify the expense either. They ARE different, but not so dramatically that it's worth the money.

Chipmunk415 · April 2013

I can see the difference. I understand your feelings Muppet.

I've inherited my grandma's diamond engagement ring early. The center diamond is an heirloom from the 1800s. But I didn't like her setting, especially as I prefer silver/white gold jewelry, and she had the coppery, antique yellow gold. She had no problem with getting it reset, and FI picked out the new setting. It's stunning, elegant, and in the same general style as hers (big center stone with small side stones) as hers, but it's new and "mine" at the same time.

When my grandfather died, my grandma had a diamond ring of his crafted into a lavaliere necklace for her to wear. Are the stones in your FMIL's ring big enough to put into another piece of jewelry? She may like the idea of you having those diamonds in a necklace, a nice way to keep her and the memory of her second husband close to your heart. Or perhaps in a piece of jewelry for your FI?

MuppetFan · April 2013

Maybe the photos were displaying wrong? Do they look different now?

The original one has 3 ovular diamonds and some lines in between them. They are raised. It is very thin.

The second is a channel band that has a bit of a curve around it and has like 9 round diamonds in it and is a lot thicker. There aren't any gold lines separating the diamonds.

Is the confusion the e-ring? that is the same in both photos. I'm not considering changing that, just the band. The top one might look like the band is part of the e-ring?

NYCMercedes · April 2013

Muppet, you're lucky as they are all beautiful I see the difference clearly. I think you want to have your own wedding band and you should. The reason they have the same look to the other posters could be because both bands are a row of diamonds. Have you considered a solid gold band? That would give you an entirely different look that would be uniquely yours.

lyndausvi · April 2013

Because the band is closer to your hand the e-rings is noticed more. The band kind-of gets lost a little. From most angles the difference between 1 solid row of diamonds and 3 separate by metal is not as real noticable. To me at least. You are looking at it from a different view. Importantly you are looking at it all the time.

If the bands were sitting alone I think you would notice it more.

libby2483 · April 2013

They look pretty similar to me.

MuppetFan · April 2013

Channel band

MuppetFan · April 2013

The other one. lol i bet they all still look alike to everyone. Lynda's prob right. Not sure why its so small but if you click it, it gets bigger.

thanks everyone for your help. sorry I made it so complicated with my crappy camerawork

QueerFemme · April 2013

I think we saw the difference before Muppet. But we are saying that the difference doesn't make a huge impact. it's not like "oh, that's a nice set" compared to "HOLY CRAP, Look at that wedding set!". it's different, but not dramatic.

if you want to change it though, and you will emotionally feel better, you should do that. But, I don't think visually, it makes a big difference.

MuppetFan · April 2013

Ok I appreciate it. I thought I messed up and loaded up the same photos. I see what you're saying though now that I know that's not what it was. Tho different... not a dramatically different impression

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ring-what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cee7a0c6-94fa-42a8-93e8-d2b25f6ff8dbPost:6997fbd0-f038-488c-a9cf-8966a72a7ed8">Re: Ring - What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I like the new ring better even though they are pretty similar. I could be totally wrong but what I'm reading from it is that you want to keep the sentimental aspect with the passed down e-ring while still keeping part of you with the new band. I don't think there is anything wrong with getting a new band as long as it's what you want.
Posted by missax[/QUOTE]

Basically. I don't like the original set. Everyone else thinks it's pretty together. I look at it, I don't think it's ugly, I just don't feel like it's mine. I know part of my feeling probably has to do with the way his mother has made me feel over the past year. She's apologized... but it doesn't go away instantly and I don't feel close to her.

At the same time, I look at the ring and see living room flooring that we need and i feel selfish because I have a ring... and maybe it's not all that different after all...

So, I am not getting married until October. I think I have at least a few months to think about it more. Maybe I will feel better about the other set.

The good thing is that this is probably the only thing i feel any sort of stress or challenge with through my wedding planning so far since I booked the venue... pretty small thing.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone, you have prompted me to sit on it.

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ring-what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cee7a0c6-94fa-42a8-93e8-d2b25f6ff8dbPost:0ae20ece-eff8-48ba-8f8c-d58ce287b640">Re: Ring - What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]Muppet, you're lucky as they are all beautiful I see the difference clearly. I think you want to have your own wedding band and you should. The reason they have the same look to the other posters could be because both bands are a row of diamonds. Have you considered a solid gold band? That would give you an entirely different look that would be uniquely yours.
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

I did. I like the "dip" that the ring I was looking at added. I tried on a ring with no diamonds in it that had that and I liked it, but I liked another one more that had tiny diamonds in it...so it wasn't huge but it was more of a gold look. I don't know if this photo shows it well. The "dip" is slightly off center in the photo. I bet it looks the same as the other one lol
<a rel="nofollow" href="http://media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com/originals/be/89/03/be8903ba13e4a5d092764b7f92fd4b82.jpg" target="_blank" class="PinImage ImgLink"> <img style="height:450px;width:600px;" class="PinImageImg" src="http://media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com/550x/be/89/03/be8903ba13e4a5d092764b7f92fd4b82.jpg" alt="Ring 3" /> </a>

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ring-what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cee7a0c6-94fa-42a8-93e8-d2b25f6ff8dbPost:3ef36ba9-a57d-4a1f-b586-dacc6b708752">Re: Ring - What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]You could always use the set you have now and then in the future upgrade your set. You can either trade in the rings to go toward the new ones or save it in case your children/nieces/nephews want to use it. That's what my FMIL did. She got a new set for their 10 year anniversary because they didn't have a lot of money when they were first starting out.
Posted by missax[/QUOTE]

I am sentimental about the idea of keeping the one that was put on my finger on my wedding day.... who knows how I'll feel about it in 10 years though, so that's a good point. Gosh, I wonder if I'll even care about it in 10 years at all.

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ring-what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cee7a0c6-94fa-42a8-93e8-d2b25f6ff8dbPost:b0e8dd15-7ca8-43a1-833d-258fcec71063">Ring - What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]FMIL gave FI and I her wedding ring set from her second marriage which was incredibly meaningful to both of them. Her husband passed away. I appreciate the sentiment behind it and I value very much that it means so much to FI. I do however, to some extent feel like I'm just wearing her rings and I know a lot of that is just emotional because of my current relationship with her. So I've been considering getting a different band to pair with the e-ring so that it's also "mine". Am I being ridiculous, is this an unnecessary expense? Or is it...this is going to be on my finger for the rest of my life kind of justification? ETA: I listed a few photos below but I think you have to click them to see the photos in a decent size. Here's the original Set: Here is the one I'm considering replacing it with:
Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

<div>FWIW, I really like the second wedding band a lot better than the first. And I don't think it's silly to want something of your own, that you LOVE, not just like, and that makes it feel like YOURS. </div>

wittykitty14 · April 2013

I get what you mean, Muppet.

I have my grandmothers engagement ring, which my mom got when she passed away (her sister got the wedding band). Even if the wedding band was an option, I still would have gotten my own. This way, when I look down at my hand, I see the beautiful ring that reminds me of my dear memere and pepere, and see my band that FI and I picked. Even if the two bands are similar, I would still want to have one that's mine and got it's meaning only my wedding day, if that makes sense.

Also, go with whatever ring you REALLY want. If you're not 100% sure, don't get it. I think letting it sit is a good idea. I tried on A LOT of rings at multiple stores, and while I liked most of what I tried on, I wasn't sold on any of them. I was having a hard time deciding. But then I went to a different store and tried on another one and was like "O.M.G". I couldn't stop smiling for weeks, and nearly cried when I saw how beautiful it looked with my memere's ring. FI and I both knew it was the one.

vanityink · April 2013

There's a small difference in the bands, but I completely understand. I finally ended up getting a separate band than the one I had for my wedding ring. Originally we were discussing just upgrading at a landmark anniversary (5, 10, 20 years) but after wearing the set around the house to try it out a couple times, I just wasn't happy with the ring I had and didn't want to feel disappointed with something I'd be wearing every day. I got another band, and all of a sudden I was EXCITED about wearing it. And now I love my set, so I think it was worth the money, at least to me.

MuppetFan · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ring-what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cee7a0c6-94fa-42a8-93e8-d2b25f6ff8dbPost:9d56b4af-ad2b-44c2-9a92-961a89272410">Re: Ring - What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I get what you mean, Muppet. I have my grandmothers engagement ring, which my mom got when she passed away (her sister got the wedding band). Even if the wedding band was an option, I still would have gotten my own. This way, when I look down at my hand, I see the beautiful ring that reminds me of my dear memere and pepere, and see my band that FI and I picked. Even if the two bands are similar, I would still want to have one that's mine and got it's meaning only my wedding day, if that makes sense. Also, go with whatever ring you REALLY want. If you're not 100% sure, don't get it. I think letting it sit is a good idea. I tried on A LOT of rings at multiple stores, and while I liked most of what I tried on, I wasn't sold on any of them. I was having a hard time deciding. But then I went to a different store and tried on another one and was like "O.M.G". I couldn't stop smiling for weeks, and nearly cried when I saw how beautiful it looked with my memere's ring. FI and I both knew it was the one.
Posted by wittykitty14[/QUOTE]

I know how you feel.
If it were my memere's ring (which wasn't anything special but it was hers), I would've done the same thing. It went to my cousin (it went to the first born of the first born, which it should have) and he gave it to his wife and I was in happy tears when I saw it on her.

Benny618 · April 2013

I understand your reasoning, and personally I do like the second one better.... if you have the means to purchase the new one I would do it.

BostonGIrl4732 · April 2013

My diamond in my e-ring came from my FMIL. It's beautiful and it meant a lot to FI that I have that one. My FMIL got proposed to with one ring, got an upgrade, and was just given a second upgrade. This is the first upgrade diamond (her original has been made into a necklace). I love that FI had it reset. It's much more "me" this way. I get what you mean about it not feeling like it's "yours". And I like the second one better. I think what really matters is what YOU think. Are you always going to wish you had a different ring? If so, get a new one.

Ring - What do you think?

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