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No Registry - Prefer money

JaneaneElyseJaneaneElyse
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in Registry and Gift Forum
Hello all,

I need your opinion...my fiance and I have been together for 7 years.  We've been living together for 4 years and 2 years ago we bought our first apartment.  We have everything we need and don't think a registry is right for us.  After we get married we'd like to start a family and what we'd prefer to get money from out guests so that we can eventually buy a house.  Is there a way to ask for cash instead without sounding tacky?
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Re: No Registry - Prefer money

  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_no-registry-prefer-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:4dffdd3d-7670-4736-a22f-a1eeb62cd331Post:1242113c-333b-44cc-a682-f96ecbf811ae">No Registry - Prefer money</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello all, I need your opinion...my fiance and I have been together for 7 years.  We've been living together for 4 years and 2 years ago we bought our first apartment.  We have everything we need and don't think a registry is right for us.  After we get married we'd like to start a family and what we'd prefer to get money from out guests so that we can eventually buy a house.  Is there a way to ask for cash instead without sounding tacky?
    Posted by JaneaneElyse[/QUOTE]

    Hi Janeane,

         Your situation is pretty common. Most people are established when they marry nowadays, and they don't need everything to set up their home. At any rate, you can't ask your guests for cash. It's very rude. What you can do is have a very small regustry or no regstry at all of you don't need much. People will either not give you anything (which is fine, since you don't need anything), they'll give you cash, they'll give you something from the regisrty, or they'll buy something else. This is the case at every wedding. Good luck, and congratulations.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    nope.  Just do not registry for anything.

    I would also decline any showers that might be offered.   Showers are gift giving events, not cash giving events.


    On another note,  my experince with weddings in your area is they tend to be gifts for showers, money for weddings.   Of course, that is not a hard fast rule, but it's what I've seen.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • hoffsehoffse member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_no-registry-prefer-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:4dffdd3d-7670-4736-a22f-a1eeb62cd331Post:19a83cba-809d-41e0-b811-cd8d54e5d270">Re: No Registry - Prefer money</a>:
    [QUOTE]nope.  Just do not registry for anything. I would also decline any showers that might be offered.   Showers are gift giving events, not cash giving events. On another note,  my experince with weddings in your area is they tend to be gifts for showers, money for weddings.   Of course, that is not a hard fast rule, but it's what I've seen.  
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>This.  And you might want to start saving for your house on your own... you probably aren't going to get enough for a downpayment.</div>
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  • JaneaneElyseJaneaneElyse
    First Comment

    Thanks for the responses...we are definitely saving on our own but every little bit helps

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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Glad we could help. :-)
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_no-registry-prefer-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:4dffdd3d-7670-4736-a22f-a1eeb62cd331Post:1242113c-333b-44cc-a682-f96ecbf811ae">No Registry - Prefer money</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello all, I need your opinion...my fiance and I have been together for 7 years.  We've been living together for 4 years and 2 years ago we bought our first apartment.  We have everything we need and don't think a registry is right for us.  After we get married we'd like to start a family and what we'd prefer to get money from out guests so that we can eventually buy a house.  Is there a way to ask for cash instead without sounding tacky?
    Posted by JaneaneElyse[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>You don't.  Your situation is not unique.  Make a small registry.  Most people know that cash is king.</div>
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  • daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    If anyone asks, you mention that you haven't registered anywhere, but you are saving up for a home. 

    I really wouldn't worry about it too much though, I didn't mention to anyone anything about cash gifts and 90% of the gifts we received at the wedding were monetary. If you are older, people know you live in a small apartment, etc they are smart enough to realize that cash is a one size fits all gift.
    image
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Well, we've seen this question before and we really try to help new Knotties understand that so many people think asking for cash is inappropriate (see below) and tacky.

    Wedding gifts are supposed to be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting, mirroring the giver's fervent hope that the couple's marriage be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting. By inviting these people to your wedding, you've asked your friends and family to be witnesses to your wedding ceremony, and as witnesses, those people are mentors for your marriage. Their gifts represent their acceptance of your request for their mentorship, and their gifts represent their presence in your lives and hearts forever. When you see/use these gifts, you are reminded that you have a circle of people around you as a couple, people who you can call on, people who have pledged their support of you two as a couple.

    The following ideas do not match with what a wedding gift is supposed to represent, and in fact, just demand that people give you money instead of a wedding gift: a downpayment registry, a honeymoon registry, a donation to your fav charity, a money dance, a money tree, a greenback wedding or shower (where the guests bring cash), a plastic wedding or shower (where the guests bring gift cards), or an outright request for cash.
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  • teachmegs1teachmegs1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Maybe you can do a small registry as some had mentioned and put things on it like, toasting flutes, cake cutter, some picture frames that you may want to have wedding photos in.  Even some decorative pieces that might be nice updates to your apartment.  If you're saving up for a home, I'm sure that you may need/want items for any additional rooms/space that are going to be in whatever home you purchase.  I would think that your new home would be bigger than an apartment, but maybe same size. My FI and I are in the same boat, however most of the stuff that we have in our home now is either from when I had an apartment back in college, or stuff our parents have given us over the years.
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  • mom23jvmom23jv member
    First Comment
     I am in the same boat and have opted to NOT register anywhere. 
     When asked just tell ur guests your not registered anywhere and leave it at that.
     It is not polite to ask for cash. I have not and will not suggest it.
     My FI and I have been together since "05", we have bought our home already.
     We share 7 wonderful children also (His and Hers).
     This is the reasons I felt there was no need for us to register. 
     Our family and friends do not seem to mind that we are not registered anywhere.
     
     I hope I have been some help to you...

     Best of Luck to You...
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  • xopinkjayhawkxopinkjayhawk member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_no-registry-prefer-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:4dffdd3d-7670-4736-a22f-a1eeb62cd331Post:1242113c-333b-44cc-a682-f96ecbf811ae">No Registry - Prefer money</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello all, I need your opinion...my fiance and I have been together for 7 years.  We've been living together for 4 years and 2 years ago we bought our first apartment.  We have everything we need and don't think a registry is right for us.  After we get married we'd like to start a family and what we'd prefer to get money from out guests so that we can eventually buy a house.  Is there a way to ask for cash instead without sounding tacky?
    Posted by JaneaneElyse[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm in somewhat of a similar position.  We may register for a few things but most things we already have and I don't want anything like fine china (at least that's what I think of when I think of wedding registries, maybe I'm just not familiar.)  I can understand that money seems impersonal, but really, is picking any ol' thing off your Target registry, <em>that</em> heartfelt?  We are paying for our wedding ourselves, I'm in my final year of school (student loans are coming! yikes), and we hope to buy a house in the next couple of years, so money would be great.  I have yet to find a non-tacky way of going about getting around this and I'm not sure there is one. Bummer...</div><div>
    </div><div>There may be the option of registering for gift cards?</div><div>
    </div><div>Good luck.  :)</div>
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  • FancypantsamyFancypantsamy member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_no-registry-prefer-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:4dffdd3d-7670-4736-a22f-a1eeb62cd331Post:650bd599-7a68-4639-887a-3dec7728f898">Re: No Registry - Prefer money</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to No Registry - Prefer money : I'm in somewhat of a similar position.  We may register for a few things but most things we already have and I don't want anything like fine china (at least that's what I think of when I think of wedding registries, maybe I'm just not familiar.)  I can understand that money seems impersonal, but really, is picking any ol' thing off your Target registry, that  heartfelt?  We are paying for our wedding ourselves, I'm in my final year of school (student loans are coming! yikes), and we hope to buy a house in the next couple of years, so money would be great.  I have yet to find a non-tacky way of going about getting around this and I'm not sure there is one. Bummer... There may be the option of registering for gift cards? Good luck.  :)
    Posted by xopinkjayhawk[/QUOTE]

    <div>There isn't one, and I'm not sure that gift cards would actually help your student loan plight. I have a bunch of student loans too so I totally understand, but the thing is, it's not your guests' job to pay those, it's yours. Don't look at your wedding as a potential source of income, and you won't have any problems with etiquette. </div>
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  • xopinkjayhawkxopinkjayhawk member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_no-registry-prefer-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:4dffdd3d-7670-4736-a22f-a1eeb62cd331Post:645d0f4d-4f79-4dcb-987d-9b548eef9ed2">Re: No Registry - Prefer money</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Registry - Prefer money : There isn't one, and I'm not sure that gift cards would actually help your student loan plight. I have a bunch of student loans too so I totally understand, but the thing is, it's not your guests' job to pay those, it's yours. Don't look at your wedding as a potential source of income, and you won't have any problems with etiquette. 
    Posted by Fancypantsamy[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well, that was quite my point with the gift cards.  What I'm saying is you can buy your necessities or things you find you need down the road.  I'm not looking to get cash in my pocket, I just wouldn't want my family and friends to spend money on a blender I won't use.  Honestly, I'm not <em>expecting</em> my family and friends to bring me gifts, but I like to be realistic with money.  People that are bringing gifts are helping to build your "nest egg."  Being a little on the non-traditional side, we already live together and have many kitchen essentials, etc.</div>
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  • xopinkjayhawkxopinkjayhawk member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_no-registry-prefer-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:4dffdd3d-7670-4736-a22f-a1eeb62cd331Post:7125bdfc-87cb-4136-9d78-e64f97a92e82">Re: No Registry - Prefer money</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Registry - Prefer money : Well, that was quite my point with the gift cards.  What I'm saying is you can buy your necessities or things you find you need down the road.  I'm not looking to get cash in my pocket, I just wouldn't want my family and friends to spend money on a blender I won't use.  Honestly, I'm not expecting  my family and friends to bring me gifts, but I like to be realistic with money.  People that are bringing gifts are helping to build your "nest egg."  Being a little on the non-traditional side, we already live together and have many kitchen essentials, etc.
    Posted by xopinkjayhawk[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Sorry, I meant to say 'wasn't' quite my point.  Darn phone.  :)

    </div>
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  • kmangan2018kmangan2018 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    My sister is getting married in Ireland so she can't really register for traditional gifts.  When people asked where she was registered, I just explained the situation and said that she can't really register since she'll be moving to Ireland after the wedding. Instead, I told them that the best gift would be something portable - a small item, gift card, or check.  I just left it open ended and open to their interpretation. 
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