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Is she out of line.....

fiendtothemaxfiendtothemax member
5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Party
or is it just me?
I have a friend who is good friends and have been since middle school and my friend (et's call her Angela) is MOH in her friend's wedding. Angela is struggling to take care of her and her son who is 3 (also going to be in the wedding as BG) and she is super stressed by how much money she is expected to spend...
The bridesmaid's dresses are almost $200 without alterations, $100 more than the original dress they chose but they decided on a new dress without Angela, who had to work the second they went shopping. Also, the new dress is bright weird color and has a weird halter of some sorts and it's calf legnth and just all around typical horrible bridesmaids dress. 
The tuxedo the bride chose for Angela's son to wear is almost $150 to RENT. I don't know if it's gold lined but that seems absolutely outrageous.
The bride is planning HER OWN Bridal Shower! She expects Angela, as well as another MOH (She is having 2, a Matron and a Maid o.0 ) to pay for the shower that the BRIDE is planning. The Bride is saying to have it at Angela's father's home, which is large and it can accomodate a good amount of people but she wants it catered from a high end restaurant and she has a 50 person guest list with a B-list just in case the first 50 can't make it.
The bride is also planning HER OWN Bachelorette Party! 3 days away in a city not too far from us and the MOH's have to pay for all of it. 
I told Angela to step down as maid of honor and to just go as a guest because she simply cannot afford it. But Angela is torn because when her son was born, the Bride helped out in so many ways by constantly buying diapers, a crib, clothes just anything she needed.
Oy... I don't know what she should do....
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Re: Is she out of line.....

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    She needs to stick up for herself and say no. Life isn't always tit for tat and the bride can't expect all this. If I were your friend, I'd handle it matteroffactky: "Friend my budget for your entire wedding is X. I can do the attire but we need to scale back the plans for the bachelorette and shower. " that's an idea of phrasing and in no way should be interpreted to mean I support the pricing of anything She needs to remember that she should NOT feel guilty for sticking to a budget. The bride is the one entirely in the wrong here. If she terminates the friendship over this, the bride is the one losing out.
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  • gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Other than having co-MOH, this chick sounds all out bridezilla.  Angela has the alternative of being honest with the bride and letting her know her budget for the dress and RB tux.  Might be a good idea to propose an inexpensive suit from Burlington or eBay.  No one will notice if the RB doesn't match the GM.  BMs are not required to participate in or help fund pre-wedding parties unless they wish to do so, so she can opt to decline helping with funding for these events.
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  • ericaandtom2012ericaandtom2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Honestly, I'd probably drop out and give a nice gift in lieu of spending tons of money on attire and parties. Your friend needs to say "this is my budget for your wedding, including parties, attire for myself and son, and gifts. I am not able to spend $200+ on a dress, $150 on a RENTAL tux for son, plus the parties that you are planning for yourself."

    But seriously, bride sounds like a zilla; I'd be running away from that bridal party and fast.
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  • fiendtothemaxfiendtothemax member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited May 2013
    Thanks for the advice! We're both wedding virgins, (I've been to 3 very informal and she's been to the same) so we were scared to be tossing around the word "bridezilla" lol

    I told her to ask about a cheaper alternative for the RB and to just have a sit down talk over coffee about the budget but she's really nervous and worried she'll be kicked out and it will kill their friendship. Also, this is so not normal for the bride, she is just the most mellow drama free person out there and we're both taken aback by her behavior and I'm hoping *fingers crossed* I won't get that way planning my wedding!

    So, etiquette-wise, is it okay for her to drop out even though she accepted and she bought the bridesmaid's dress? She hasn't altered it at all, so she can still return it. Does she also take her son out as RB? I found out that the bride is actually the son's Godmother.... eeeep!
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2013
    In Response to Re: Is she out of line.....:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the advice! We're both wedding virgins, (I've been to 3 very informal and she's been to the same) so we were scared to be tossing around the word "bridezilla" lol I told her to ask about a cheaper alternative for the RB and to just have a sit down talk over coffee about the budget but she's really nervous and worried she'll be kicked out and it will kill their friendship. Also, this is so not normal for the bride, she is just the most mellow drama free person out there and we're both taken aback by her behavior and I'm hoping *fingers crossed* I won't get that way planning my wedding! So, etiquette-wise, is it okay for her to drop out even though she accepted and she bought the bridesmaid's dress? She hasn't altered it at all, so she can still return it. Does she also take her son out as RB? I found out that the bride is actually the son's Godmother.... eeeep!
    Posted by fiendtothemax[/QUOTE]

    If financially she just can't manage the costs associated with the wedding it is perfectly acceptable to drop out.  Same goes with pulling her son out of the wedding.

    The bride in this situation is way out of line.  Weddings tend to bring out the worst in people unfortunately and it seems that your friend has gone a bit coo-koo with regards to her wedding.  Maybe with your friend dropping out it will knock the bride back down to reality and make her realize how crazy she has been.  But then again maybe not.

    Your friend should have a one-on-one conversation with the bride and let her know that unfortunately at this time she won't be able to financially afford to be in the wedding but is looking forward to witnessing their marriage as a guest.  But your friend also needs to be prepared for this bride to go ape-sh*t on her.  Of course the bride will not be in the right for doing so but your friend should be prepared just in case.

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  • LiLe422LiLe422 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to Is she out of line.....:
    [QUOTE]or is it just me? I have a friend who is good friends and have been since middle school and my friend (et's call her Angela) is MOH in her friend's wedding. Angela is struggling to take care of her and her son who is 3 (also going to be in the wedding as BG) and she is super stressed by how much money she is expected to spend... The bridesmaid's dresses are almost $200 without alterations, $100 more than the original dress they chose but they decided on a new dress without Angela, who had to work the second they went shopping. Also, the new dress is bright weird color and has a weird halter of some sorts and it's calf legnth and just all around typical horrible bridesmaids dress.  The tuxedo the bride chose for Angela's son to wear is almost $150 to RENT. I don't know if it's gold lined but that seems absolutely outrageous. The bride is planning HER OWN Bridal Shower! She expects Angela, as well as another MOH (She is having 2, a Matron and a Maid o.0 ) to pay for the shower that the BRIDE is planning. The Bride is saying to have it at Angela's father's home, which is large and it can accomodate a good amount of people but she wants it catered from a high end restaurant and she has a 50 person guest list with a B-list just in case the first 50 can't make it. The bride is also planning HER OWN Bachelorette Party! 3 days away in a city not too far from us and the MOH's have to pay for all of it.  I told Angela to step down as maid of honor and to just go as a guest because she simply cannot afford it. But Angela is torn because when her son was born, the Bride helped out in so many ways by constantly buying diapers, a crib, clothes just anything she needed. Oy... I don't know what she should do....
    Posted by fiendtothemax[/QUOTE]

    Op, what's up with the o.O?
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  • MsYeckMsYeck member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Oriental trade has ringbearer getups for $40, could that be an option? Since you have already paid for the dress I would simply tell her you would like to help her with planning but cannot financially contribute any further for shower/bachelorette. Then shop around for a cheap tailor for alterations....I lost 4 sizes (so extensive alterations) and mine still was only $45.
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  • fiendtothemaxfiendtothemax member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited May 2013
    Weird, I replied a week ago and i guess the new format ate my post :<

    So she just paid for all the attire, she just said she would deal with it but she has another dilemma:

    The other MOH and the Bride sent out the Bridal Shower invites AND sent one to my friend! She was supposed to be completely included in ALL of the planning but now she feels incredibly snubbed AND is really confused because she's expected to pay for this? 
    She feels she has been downgraded to a guest and should just show up as one BUT I gave her an invite to my son's birthday party way before she received this invite and it's the same day and time.
    I tell her please go to the Bridal Shower but she is super hurt and flat out won't go and would rather be at my son's party.... :(

    I'm just so confused by this bride....... She also wants the Bachelorette Party to be the next weekend which is my friend's birthday BUT my friend has to pay for it? When it's HER birthday?
    Oh man...


    Op, what's up with the o.O?
    I replied to this but it ate it. She felt really sad that she was made Matron instead of Maid because she isn't married and thinks the title makes her feel old. (which is think is funny because when I think Maid, I think Old Maid, lol)
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  • Englishteacher26Englishteacher26
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Agreed, she needs to stand up for herself and tell the bride how she feels. It sounds to me like the bride is being very selfish and inconsiderate.
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  • cmcole4509cmcole4509 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Tell Angela to find her own budget and stick with it. If she already bought the dress and still wants to be in the BP, then go ahead. As far as her son, umm $150 for a RENTAL for a little boy?!?!?! That's INSANE. At least to me it is. There are way cheaper options that are still good looking. I mean heck, a little boy in a suit is gonna look cute if its a $30 or a $150 suit, so why spend extra money needlessly? As far as the parties, that is kind of rude for the bride to be planning all of this stuff without asking anyone else. I will be honest, I didn't know what my involvement in a bridal shower should be as the bride so I asked everyone here about it. She can still politely and respectively decline the bridal shower and bachelorette parties and say "I'm sorry but I am unable to attend this function because of ____." If the bride flips out and kicks her out, then she has shown her true colors and Angela should be glad she doesn't have to worry about it with her. If Angela thinks the bride would be willing to talk, I would say have ONE talk with the bride and lay everything out on the tables. "This is the amount of money I can spend. This is the amount of time I can contribute. I apologize but I cannot afford to pay for a shower and a party. If you do not feel that you want me in your BP anymore than I respect that and I will just be there to support you on your wedding day as a guest." I would also tell the bride that "I can only afford to spend ___ on a tux for my son to be your RB. If this is not acceptable than I apologize but he will not be able to act as your RB." Again, the bride should be respectful of everyone else in the WP. Hope she can get this resolved without too much drama
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