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Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
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How to fuse two cultures?

trivera519trivera519 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
Hi everyone, I need some serious help. My fiancée is American but with English parents (who follow English customs) and I am Puerto Rican. Does anyone have suggestions on how I can blend the two cultures at our wedding. My finacee's family are great people but tend to lean on the conservative side whereas my family is more outgoing and friendly. I know food is one way I can blend the cultures but does anyone have ideas?

Thank you!
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Re: How to fuse two cultures?

  • trivera519trivera519 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I am catholic and my fiancée is Anglican so to compromise we are thinking of maybe looking into an Episcopalian ceremony. The other option would be getting married at the vineyard where our reception will take and having his brother conduct the ceremony (he is ordained).
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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Well do you want to continue in your Catholic faith? I would really advise you to travel over the the Catholic Board for some more insight.
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  • calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to Re: How to fuse two cultures?:
    [QUOTE]I am catholic and my fiancée is Anglican so to compromise we are thinking of maybe looking into an Episcopalian ceremony. The other option would be getting married at the vineyard where our reception will take and having his brother conduct the ceremony (he is ordained).
    Posted by trivera519[/QUOTE]

    Wait, are you a practicing Catholic, or do you just mean you're culturally Catholic?  I promise I will eventually answer your actual question, but as PP implied, you're going to have some major problems with these options if you're the former, and you should work those out first.  :)

    Also, are there any Puerto Rican wedding traditions that are particularly important to you?  Because really the one that were most important to the Puerto Rican side of my family was just...having a Catholic mass.
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  • trivera519trivera519 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I am a practicing catholic but as those are my beliefs and not shared by my fiancee I wont impose a catholic ceremony on him. Its my wedding and ultimately its what I want that matter and no my family. I want to incorporate my culture into wedding and reception I'm just not sure how I can do it.
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  • calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to Re:How to fuse two cultures?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:How to fuse two cultures? : Are you planning to remain a practicing Catholic when you are married? If you are not married in the church, you will no longer be in communion with the Catholic Church. That would mean that you would not be able to receive the Eucharist until your marriage has been convalidated
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    This is what I was getting at.  The convalidation will require him to make effectively the same promises as he would have if you had had a Catholic wedding to begin with.  I'm not Catholic or an expert, and so much of this goes to your personal beliefs, but you should really talk to your priest to figure out what's best for you.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto Kristan and Callio, you should call your priest and schedule an appointment with him.  Your FI can stay Angelican, but still go through the Catholic ceremony.  He does not need to convert to marry you.  If anyone tells you that, go to a different church or ask to speak to someone else.  The only thing your FI would need to agree with is that he will not interfere with you raising any future children Catholic.

    As for blending cultures, it may be possible to have a ceremony with both a Catholic and Angelican priests, but again you need to speak with your priest about this first.
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  • Ella and PedroElla and Pedro member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to How to fuse two cultures?:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone, I need some serious help. My fiancée is American but with English parents (who follow English customs) and I am Puerto Rican. Does anyone have suggestions on how I can blend the two cultures at our wedding. My finacee's family are great people but tend to lean on the conservative side whereas my family is more outgoing and friendly. I know food is one way I can blend the cultures but does anyone have ideas? Thank you!
    Posted by trivera519[/QUOTE]

    I will step away from the ceremony and church topic, as I was raised Lutheran and am currently engaged to an atheist, while myself being something of a Pagan/Taoist.

    How about music?  Does your fiance have any specific song or composer he appreciates?  How about doing a ceremony with music that is very 'English' ("Greensleeves" and "Scarborough Faire" come to mind) and then doing cocktail hour with some P.R. music.  Hire a P.R. band to play salsa/dance music at the Reception, and have the Ceremony music be very European/Angelo.  Perhaps also give the P.R. band a few Angelo songs to cover in Spanish?  Music seems like a great way to infuse both you and your fiance's personalities and taste, as well as the cultures.

    Another suggestion - how about two signature "cocktails." One a very nice, high-quality English ale, another a traditional P.R. drink made with coconut, rum, or whatever you would use. 

    Another suggestion - florals - mix plants that are native to the U.K. such as bluebells and foxglove, with flowers or plants from the Carribean.  When you give each mother their corsage, include a little explanation note (give your P.R. mom flowers from the U.K., give your British MIL P.R. flowers.)

    Another suggestion - is there something a woman generally wears in P.R. for a wedding? I know certain kinds of lace and textiles are very traditional in the U.K.  Perhaps you could have a lace edging on your dress which comes from an antique U.K. handerchief?

    Another suggestion - the menu - U.K. is famous for certain cuisines such as certain cheeses, roast lamb, certain ways of preparing vegetables (turnips, parsnips, potatoes), Yorkshire pudding, various desserts such as "Spotted Dic*."  If you don't already know, I'd look into menus and recipes from both areas, and design a menu that reflects both cultures.  You could have a fruit salad with Carribean fruit as a course, followed by roast lamb with mint sauce, baked root vegetables, watercress salad for the main course, followed by a caramel -banana flambee - or whatever.)

    If I was you, I'd start researching both locations and their wedding traditions (if you have not already done so.)

    Good luck!

    P.S. Also, you should totally do a bilingual menu and program. 
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  • trivera519trivera519 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Ella- you have some amazing suggestions. So far I had only thought about haveing bilingual invitations and maybe doing some cocktail hr appetizers from both countries. These are the sort of suggestions I was looking for, I mainly want ideas for the reception and cocktail hour. The religious aspect of the wedding is something that to be is not about culture or which church I chose to marry in. On my wedding day I want to say my vows to the God I believe in and the man I love, beyond that I am flexible on churches. Also, I did hear about the catholic churches and the rule about my FH having t pledge kids to be raised catholic and I think that is absurd.

    Thank you all and please keep the suggestions coming!
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  • calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Churches aside, one thing I thought was really cute at a Cuban-American wedding I went to recently was bilingual toasts from some of the wedding party (but I guess sort of awkward for some of the monolingual people there?  Something to think about anyway.).  And at my wedding, I did my father-daughter dance with my Puerto Rican father to some classic salsa.  And we had our DJ occasionally toss some Latin music into the line-up.

    Based on the experiences of my friend who's engaged to to a Brit, I don't think British customs are really notably different than American ones.  I know my friend's fiancee wants some British folk music because she's really into that, but that's kind of specific to her, you know?  Have you tried talking to your future in-laws and seeing if there are any traditions that are particularly important to them?
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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    In Response to Re: How to fuse two cultures?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to fuse two cultures? : Have you talked to your priest about what your FH actually promises to do?  And what you promise in a Catholic wedding?  I suggest you do that and discern where you want to go from there.
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    All of this. No to be pushy, but just go check it out :) It's better to know the options and obligations before you go for it or not. I'm still on the fence myself.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    You could have readings done in both English and Spanish.
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