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Wedding Invitations & Paper

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way... Just need to vent!

I've been so excited to check the mail every day to see if we got any response cards back! So far, we've gotten almost twenty! But today, I was very sad to see that a few of my family members won't be able to make it.

I need to give a little backstory before I go on. I currently live in Louisiana. I moved from New England about ten years ago with my family. Pretty much all of my extended family still lives up there, and I have visited fifteen times since we moved. After high school, I started paying for my own plane tickets and everything, but I still managed to get myself up there for at least a week a year. My family and I, especially my grandma, are EXTREMELY close. We are not your average family; we actually look forward to family reunions instead of dread them. Visiting them is always the highlight of my year, and it always ends in tears. Since we have moved, my grandparents have come down every year, but only one of my aunts and her daughter have come down. This honestly makes me a little sad, knowing that we/I have invited everyone numerous times and offered them a place to stay (I live about an hour away from my parents). 

Here is what I have so far:
Both my grandparents will be attending, of course.
One of my aunts will be coming with her daughter, but probably only because her daughter is my flower girl. Her husband, college-aged son, and toddler son will not be coming, which I understand.
The other aunt who will be coming is coming, again, because her daughter is in the wedding. Her husband and son will not.
Another aunt/uncle declined. I asked their son, who adores my fiance, to be our ring bearer, and they NEVER gave me a clear answer until now.
And three more sets of aunts/uncles declined.

I understand that a few of them simply do not have the money to spend on plane tickets, etc. But a few of the others are acting like they simply cannot be bothered to come. One of these families plans at least two (expensive) family trips a year. My mom suggested they make this one of their family trips, but they didn't like that idea. I would think it would be a fun trip to make to experience New Orleans! Now, these people have never been to New Orleans, and obviously they might have some misconceptions about it. We do not live IN New Orleans; where we live is just as safe as any other town. 

Now, the reason this makes me so upset is because of the time and money I know I have spent specifically to visit these family members, who always seem to enjoy my visits, and yet they can't be bothered to do the same? They have not visited us once since we moved, so I thought maybe my wedding would be the event to get us all together. Yes, I know there might be other things going on, but they could at least explain! I am the first child in my generation of the family to get married. Mind you, I am still trying to finish my schooling and am as broke as can be, but I still bought a plane ticket to come see them for Christmas! Most of them have only met my fiance once, and he is joining the marines in August, so he won't be able to come with me for Christmas. 

One more point is that I ACTUALLY MOVED THE DATE OF MY WEDDING UP A MONTH for these people because they told me they wouldn't be able to make it otherwise, as kids get out of school in late June up north. 

Again, I want to express that I am not ignorant to financial issues, as I have plenty myself, and I do not want to come across as b*tchy, but these are family members who I consider my nearest and dearest, and if I could, I would do anything to help them attend... 

I guess I am not looking for advice. I know there's nothing I can do. I just needed to vent because I can't talk to anyone else about this!

Re: I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way... Just need to vent!

  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Yeah, you're right, there's nothing you can do.

    That is a far trip and a lot of money involved.

    Most people take time off work for the 4th of July weekend (the weekend before your wedding), so asking off two weeks in a row isn't feasible for a lot of people.

    Keep your head up, every couple gets some "declines" they weren't expecting.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_i-hope-this-doesnt-come-across-the-wrong-way-just-need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:40f4453e-f1a7-44f1-9932-9bf94fef1624Post:e95bed08-6a03-4b80-a21f-1045a3f65872">Re: I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way... Just need to vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, you're right, there's nothing you can do. That is a far trip and a lot of money involved. Most people take time off work for the 4th of July weekend (the weekend before your wedding), so asking off two weeks in a row isn't feasible for a lot of people. Keep your head up, every couple gets some "declines" they weren't expecting.
    Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks. I'm trying to keep my head up! I was honestly hoping for some unexpected declines so we wouldn't go over, but I was just completely not thinking it would be them.</div>
  • Oh, and another note. My grandfather owns a company that a lot of these people work for. Time off would definitely NOT be a problem!
  • [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way... Just need to vent! : Thanks. I'm trying to keep my head up! I was honestly hoping for some unexpected declines so we wouldn't go over, but I was just completely not thinking it would be them.
    Posted by jackiebrim[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm in the same boat in the same town! Haven't sent out invites yet, but word of mouth from StDs tells me that some dear friends can't make it, but some family members I was thinking "No way they'll come, we haven't spoken in years" WILL be coming, because hey, excuse to come to New Orleans! But then I remind myself I'll be busy, you know, <em>getting married.</em> So yeah, it sucks that Aunt Crazypants will be there instead of High School BFF. But so many other people will! Surrounded by my favorite people, marrying my favorite person, best day ever.</div><div>
    </div><div>To sum up: You'll be so busy being happy about who's there you won't have time to be sad about who isn't.</div>
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  • As painful as it is to have people decline your invitation, all you can do is accept it and move on.  Just appreciate the people who do accept your invitation.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2013
    Just because you think important to return north every year doesn't mean everyone else has to think like you. Just because you have the money to fly north fifteen times, doesn't mean they have the money or even the inclination to make the trip. Clearly it hasn't been important to them for ten years. So what if they take vacations every year? You need to get it out of your brain that your wedding would be a nice vacation for your family. If they wanted to vacation in NO, they would have already taken one. Don't think your ideal trip would be an ideal trip for them. Just because you family is so different and is thrilled with family reunions doesn't mean average families aren't thrilled to get together. I don't know where you come off judging us. Maybe they can't afford the vacation time or money, working for your grandfather.
  • SKPMSKPM member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    A very similar situation happened in my family with my wedding last summer. We have a "branch" of our family tree, so to speak, that lives out of state, all in the same area as each other. My immediate family and I have always made a point to fly up to visit them every 1-2 years for reunions, attended their weddings and funerals, etc. Like you, I actually adjusted our wedding date/month to July, since August would be out of the question for them due to their work industry. After inviting about 25 relatives from that side of the family, only 1 couple ended up making the trip down to our wedding.

    I was pretty bummed and honestly a bit offended. I understand where you're coming from. I certainly never said anything to them about it though, and I have seen some of them since then. It's a bummer, for sure. But like you said, there isn't anything to be done about it. I still try to keep in touch and get together with them as able. Try to focus on the people who WILL be at your wedding; the day of will be so much fun anyway.

    photo fancy-as-fuck.jpg
  • Travelling to a wedding is expensive.  They would have to fly, stay in a hotel, meals out of their own pockets, etc. 

    Many people simply cannot afford that...and they don't have to explain why they cannot attend.

    I'm sorry that it hurts your feelings...but these things happen when you move away from your "hometown".

    I don't expect very many of my family members to attend my wedding - and my venue/location is only 4 hours from my hometown.  People just don't have the money for gas, hotels, etc.

    Them not attending doesn't mean they don't love you and aren't happy for you!
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