Communion etiquette....not really a question, but advice welcomed!

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2013

This isn't a vent, exactly, but if anyone has advice, I'd love it!

So, FI is converting to Catholicism. His Confirmation is three weeks away. Next week is Mother's Day. His grandmother, who raised him, is Lutheran. We told her we'd go to church with her on Sunday morning in honor of Mother's Day, then take her out to brunch. (We'll hit Saturday night Mass at our church, so we're still getting a real homily...her pastor is terrible, but that's not the point of this post).

FI can still take communion in the Lutheran church, and probably will, because it will make her happy. I, of course, won't. Our priest has said that the Catholic church prefers if Catholics don't take communion in non-Catholic churches, since of course the Catholic Church won't allow non-Catholics to take communion.

When we went to church with her on Palm Sunday and I didn't take communion, she flung a fit about it and berated me for 10 minutes after church (while still standing in the pews) about how I should have taken communion and what would people think that I hadn't and yada, yada, yada.

FI at first didn't hear her (he was talking to someone else), but when he did, he jumped in and shut her down right quick (bless him). She's brought it up since then, making little comments about it. She also keeps bringing up how she "doesn't think it's fair" that she can't receive Communion at our wedding. Since there's nothing I can do about that, I just ignore it.

She's already started in on me about receiving communion next week. I won't, because I think it's wrong to do so (and even if I didn't, her church's way of doing communion is so unsanitary it makes me sick to watch it).

So I'm going to spend the next week trying to nicely and firmly explain why I'm not taking communion, and assuring her that no one will (a) notice or (b) care. *sigh*

agapecarrie · May 2013

Actually, he shouldn't be taking communion either, since, hopefully at this point he knows the difference between a valid Eucharist in the Catholic church, and the symbolism of unity that doesn't really exist.

Something that might help is to explain what Catholics do believe about the Eucharist, and that it doesn't make sense for those that don't believe in it to receive it, as it as an assent to all of catholic teaching, and that God made sure that even Mary was sinless before Jesus was conceived inside her, so must we go to confession and be reconciled to the church before receiving.

bibliophile2010 · May 2013

First, I agree that neither you nor your husband should take communion at a non-Catholic church.

Second, I agree that you need to graciously stand your ground. It sounds like his grandma is concerned with the "scandal" of not receiving (though she didn't use the word, that's exactly what "what would people say" means). I might take a "scandal" based approach to explaining things to her (along with Catholic teaching, but she may not respond to that)

Third, remember that your obligation to attend Sunday Mass is not so much to hear a good, Catholic homily (though that is certainly an added benefit), but to Hear the Word and participate in the Sacrifice of the Mass. I just find, for myself, when Mass is not about the homily, it makes Mass more meaningful, makes Mass away from some just as meaningful (it is), and just really focuses me on the purpose of Mass and how important that distinction is from non-Catholic churches, where it is often about the pastor or the music or the whatever. By all means, your home parish can be a place where those things are well-done. The Truth of the Mass is there, even when those things are not.

professorscience · May 2013

I just want to offer you (and FI) some encouragement. My grandparents made horrible comments about my conversion, and they were really upset the first time I attended church with them and did not take communion, but they got over it. Or if they're not over it, that's their problem. I'm sorry FI's grandmother is putting this kind of pressure on you, even if she means well. In these cases it is always best to just politely stand your ground.

Calypso1977 · May 2013

Our priest has said that the Catholic church prefers if Catholics don't take communion in non-Catholic churches, since of course the Catholic Church won't allow non-Catholics to take communion.

IMO, your priest is wrong here. Catholics not allowing non-catholics to take communion has NOTHING to do with why catholics arent to take communion in other churches. Catholics arent supposed to take communion in other churches because they are not supposed to worship in other faiths.

chelseamb11 · May 2013

I agree with PPs, he shouldn't be taking communion there period either before or after his confirmation.

OP, your FI's grandmother needs to butt out. You do not believe the same faith as her, therefore you should not be expected to participate in the ways that make you uncomfortable. Honestly I would have your FI tell her that if she has that much of an issue with you guys not taking communion when you go to church with her, then you won't go to church with her.

lalaith50 · May 2013

Lutherans believe in "consubstantion;" that elements of bread and wine coexist with the body and blood of Christ. Catholics believe in "transubstantiation;" that the bread and wine are actually changed, in substance, into the Body and Blood of Christ.

Catholics do not believe that the Lutheran bread and wine becomes anything (since they do not have apostolic succession - it would be the same as if you or I said the words over some crackers.)

Point out to grandma that rather than trying to encourage you to, she should be OFFENDED if you were to take her communion since you do not believe it is anything more than plain bread and wine.

Communion etiquette....not really a question, but advice welcomed!

Re: Communion etiquette....not really a question, but advice welcomed!

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