Moms and Maids

Bridesmaids trouble

Hello, I am currently one month away from my wedding, my bridal shower was suppose to be in 2 weeks but my maid of honor did not plan it in time so we will not be having one or a bachelorette party I am very disappointed but do not know what to do now, I only gave my MOH the addresses a week ago because she never asked for them until then, we are both in our undergraduate degrees and she complains about money and stress, I am planning a wedding paying for a wedding in school all by myself, I just dont see it as fair for her to complain I dont know how to deal with this situation, any tips on how to deal with it?

Re: Bridesmaids trouble

  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:68ee6f72-3909-4e2d-98bb-35214ad6575aPost:19b5ab04-95a9-4cf1-9bb3-55d623f9f600">Bridesmaids trouble</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello, I am currently one month away from my wedding, my bridal shower was suppose to be in 2 weeks but my maid of honor did not plan it in time so we will not be having one or a bachelorette party I am very disappointed but do not know what to do now, I only gave my MOH the addresses a week ago because she never asked for them until then, we are both in our undergraduate degrees and she complains about money and stress, I am planning a wedding paying for a wedding in school all by myself, I just dont see it as fair for her to complain I dont know how to deal with this situation, any tips on how to deal with it?
    Posted by Chantel01[/QUOTE]

    There is nothing to "deal" with. If no one offers to throw you a bridal shower or a bach party then you dont get one. Your MOH (or BMs) are not required to throw or attend any pre-wedding parties. Clearly your MOH is concerned about her budget, maybe you should respect that.

    All your bridal party needs to do is buy the dress and show up on your wedding day mostly sober, walk down the aisle and smile for pictures. Anything else should be considered a bonus.

    Also, kicking a friend out of your bridal party is completely unacceptable unless she tried to sleep with your fi.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I agree with Kat, there is nothing to deal with.  So you don't get a shower or bach party.  Oh well.  Crap happens.  They aren't requiered parties, they are gifts and if no one is capable of hosting one or wants to host one then you just don't get them.

    And how do you not think it is fair that she complain about her stresses?  Do you think that just because you are planning a wedding on top of everything else that you have going on that makes you more special and more stressed then your friend?  No, it does not.  Everyone has their own lives to deal with and your friend has every right to stress and complain about things.

    Just keep planning your wedding and stop worrying about stuff that in the end really doesn't matter and does not have any effect on whether or not you get married.

  • You aren't entitled to a bridal shower or bachelorette party, so there's no reason to be upset with her about that, especially if she's having financial troubles.  If you're unhappy about planning and paying for a wedding yourself, the groom is the person you should be mad at, not your MOH.
  • Your decision to get married does not obligate people to financially ruin themselves to throw unecessary parties.  They are awesome additions to the wedding experience, but not requirements.

    If nobody can do it, nobody can do it.  Have an awesome girl's night out after your wedding.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:68ee6f72-3909-4e2d-98bb-35214ad6575aPost:edddb4c0-fdbb-4c61-a344-89ace3601254">Re: Bridesmaids trouble</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's true, CMG.  I never heard of a bachelorette until the 1980s, when a friend invited me to hers. We didn't have couples showers, either.<strong> In fact, I've never attended a shower where the groom showed up.</strong>
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>Me neither! I understand that this is becoming more common, but the ladies in my circle would be horrified if a groom was at a shower.</div>
  • You don't have to have a shower or a B party. I can understand being short on money while working on a degree. Also, it is your choice to get married and plan a wedding while in school. That doesn't make your BM's stress any less because you have a wedding to plan. Be bummed about the shower for a bit and go out for a girl's night. Don't kick your BM out.




    jendemeyer
  • I can understand your disappointment, because a bridal shower can be great fun, and it's something you were probably looking forward to.

    I also understand your disappointment in your MOH, who could be more supportive at this time, even if she can't do more financially or time-wise.

    I think these situations happen because people, in the excitement of an engagement, sometimes rush out and ask all their friends to be in their weding, without perhaps thinking it all through more rationally. 

    People can choose who they want to support them in their wedding plans, but it might not always be realistic to have it be your best friend, especially if they are young, busy, and financially strapped. Sometimes, a slightly older cousin could be a good choice.

    The "ideal' MOH is willing to put her own needs aside for awhile, in order to support you in reaching your goal of a happy wedding and marriage. So, yes, it would be ideal if in the month before the wedding, the MOH did not talk to you about her own needs so much, and would just be supportive to you. Somewhere online there's a recent illustration of this, about how the person in the center (in this case the bride) would get emotional support, and the people on the outer rings would not look to the bride to support them, just during this time.

    Now, of course, this is the ideal, and real life doesn't generally work that way. Be grateful for whatever support you can get from the MOH, and remember later on, to be sure to give back to her, after you are through your wedding. 

    Focus on the things you have to be grateful for: You are having a wedding, and you are marrying a great guy, right? That's the goal here. Happiness may be found in your frame of mind through the next month. 
  • In Response to Re: Bridesmaids trouble:
    [QUOTE]A bride can't plan her own bachelorette party.  It's a party in her honor, and one doesn't plan  party in honor of herself. If all she wants is a get-together, then she can ring everyone up and say she wants to party one more time before the wedding, and would everyone like to meet at Buddy's Bar on Friday....... Bubblegum, it's fine if the bridesmaids want to do this, but it's nobody's job.  People aren't bad friends if they don't have time/can't afford to do these things.  Perhaps they work odd hours, or are married with children.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Yes, I understand its not their job, I didn't think I made it sound that way. I guess I was in one of those moments when I realize how lucky I am and wanted to share.Smile
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