Two differnt Visions.. One Wedding

Re: Two differnt Visions.. One Wedding

• hsmith365

  

  May 2013

  In Response to Re: Two differnt Visions.. One Wedding:
  [QUOTE]If you are honestly worried that your FI will back out of the wedding over differing ideas, you need to hold off on planning and maybe consider some couples counseling or at least a very long very serious conversation.
  Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
  
  OKay.. Maybe I went overboard with the backing out. I guess my point is I know he says whatever I want is fine, but I dont think it would be fine because of all the comments that he makes to others about how it isnt going to be big and elaborate yadda yadda yadda..

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• Briannasteve

  

  May 2013 edited May 2013

  we went in with one vision, and after actually starting to plan, a completely new vision is what we have ended with... wait until you book a date, a venue, and other vendors before having a solid "vision"... look at venues he likes and you like.... then plan from there. you will know when it is the right one and then it flows a lot smoother than you are anticipating.
  
  As for the vegas or home.. you need to explain to  your FH why it is important to you... we could have done a destination wedding but FH and I talked it out and realized we would miss out on the whole big wedding experience.

  

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• Simply Fated member

  

  May 2013 edited May 2013

  In Response to Re:Two differnt Visions.. One Wedding:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Two differnt Visions.. One Wedding:If you are honestly worried that your FI will back out of the wedding over differing ideas, you need to hold off on planning and maybe consider some couples counseling or at least a very long very serious conversation.Posted by StageManager14OKay.. Maybe I went overboard with the backing out. I guess my point is I know he says whatever I want is fine, but I dont think it would be fine because of all the comments that he makes to others about how it isnt going to be big and elaborate yadda yadda yadda.. Posted by hsmith365[/QUOTE] He could be saying that to people because that's what you said you wanted as far as your ceremony goes. Now your vision might have shifted because of what you've seen in bridal magazines. You need to step away from the magazines for awhile. They're great for ideas and inspiration, but you need to stay true to what you really want. Sit down with him and get on the sane page.

  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  May 2013 edited May 2013

  I kind of got stopped when you said you are anxious to get the details straight so you can start bragging. That kind of rubs me the wrong way. 

  
  

  You need to sit down and discuss it with him and reach a happy medium. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• mc4dj13 member

  

  May 2013

  I see her as the typical excited newly-engaged young girl excited to plan her dream day! You and your Fiance's ideal days are not all the completely different, maybe just the locations? I get what you're saying about wanting to "brag" but remember to divulge the details only when others ask how the planning is going because you don't want to "rub people the wrong way" Other than that, it's your wedding you have every right to.
  

  
  

  I think suggesting couple's therapy is a bit extreme when it comes to something like wedding planning. Remember- a wedding is for a day, a marriage is for-ev-er. 

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• MrsGandthebeag member

  

  May 2013

  I don't like the small ceremony and large reception.  What's the point?

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2013 edited May 2013

  I think you can find a happy compromise. And by the sounds of it, what your definition of a big wedding isn't necessarily what others would think of as a big wedding. I agree w/your FI by telling people you're having something small at this time because if you tell them your having a big wedding, everyone & their brother will expect invites. Once you start doing the actual planning & budget planning, that will determine your guest lists & what you do.
  
  The big difference between what you want & what FI wants is location. I would say talk it over & determine who is important to be with you on your wedding day. For me I couldn't imagine not having my parents & siblings there. Had we done a destination wedding & party later, not sure if they would have made the trip & that would have crushed me.
  
  Congrats on your engagement, enjoy looking at the magazines (but keep in mind those pics usually fit a $20,000+ budget) for inspiration. Start pricing out things out & let the information you gather, help determine what you end up doing. I was in a similar situation where hubby was like whatever you want, it was my first & his second, but he did end up putting a few requests in as the planning went on.

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  May 2013

  Perhaps you can start by each writing up your desired guest list.  See how many people total you both want.  Discuss with him if that size is ok.  Make any necessary compromises for example, he only wants his aunt/uncles, but you want aunt/uncles & first cousins, so just invite aunt/uncles only on both sides.  But there is also nothing wrong with lopsided inviting - H only invited his immediate family and friends, while I invited my immediate family, my dad's extended family, and friends.  Our guest list was probably 70/30.
  

  

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• renegade gaucho member

  

  May 2013

  How have you worked through other instances of disagreement in your relationship?  If you're capable of communicating with each other and compromising generally, this really shouldn't be freaking you out.  Also, keep in mind that you don't have to get everything settled all at once.  Pick a date that gives you plenty of time to research and discuss the possibilities.
  
  There's a vast middle ground between what you want and what he wants.  Talk about your options and pick something that makes both of you happy.  Someone upthread suggested that you put together a list of everyone you want there as a starting point, and I think that's a really good idea.  Also, you can wear a dress for a themed wedding in Vegas, so I'm not sure what your issue is with that idea.  You can do just about anything you want to  as long as it complies with all relevant legal and religious requirements. 
  
  Finally, your comment about this being your only wedding is really offputting.  Just about everyone gets married with the idea that it's going to be their only wedding.  I'm sure your fiance believed that when he got married the first time.  Considering the divorce rate these days, you're coming off as smug and presumptuous.

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• LDubHawksFan member

  

  May 2013 edited May 2013

  I think you should step away from the magazines and sit down with your FI to talk.  First off, what is your budget??  That will dictate how big of a wedding you can have (btw, 200 is not small.  Our 100 person wedding was not that small).  Make a really preliminary list of people that you have to have there.  Then have a frank conversation about what both of your want and why.  If he really wants to do Vegas (or a truly small wedding) because he doesn't want all of the hoopla or because he doesn't like to be in front of large crowds, you really should consider that.  Is the only reason you want all the frills now is because of magazines or tv shows, or is it really what you would like?  fwiw, it's really easy to get wrapped up in the wedding industry stuff.  The wedding planning is one of the first big compromises of your marriage.  Do not rush decisions just so you can "brag".  Planning smartly will do wonders later on.  Costs pop up unexpectly, guest lists tend to expand, etc.  If you jump on booking a CC right now because you want the date to brag about, and then find out later that they have crazy rules and hidden costs, or even find another venue you like better, you will be kicking yourself later.  I also really don't like the idea of private ceremonies and then big receptions, unless it's for a good reason (like you are both private people or have anxieties) because IMO as a guest, that is the whole reason to come celebrate with the couple,  and for the couple, that is where probably 70% of the costs come from.

  
  

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• renegade gaucho member

  

  May 2013

  Also, whatever you decide on, I would suggest that you refrain from bragging.  It's obnoxious.

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