Wedding Party

BRIDESMAID/ SISTER.. TO KICK OUT OF PARTY OR WAIT IT OUT

MY SISTER (WHICH I ASKED TO BE ONE OF MY BRIDESMAIDS) IS M.I.A SHE IS YOUNG (20) AND COME TO FIND OUT SHE IS BACK INTO DRUGS (AFTER  BEING SOBER 1 YEAR). SHE NEVER WANTS TO COME AROUND WHEN WE HAVE THE GIRLS GET TOGETHER TO LOOK FOR DRESSES, AND SHE IS SUPER SKINNY AGAIN (SHE DOESNT WANT ME TO SEE HER LIKE THAT) . COME TO FIND OUT SHE WAS ARRESTED AND NOW HAS A WARRANT! SO NOW I DONT KNOW IF SHE WILL BE IN JAIL FOR THE WEDDING OR WORSE. IM WORRIED ABOUT HER AND IM WORRIED ABOUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT HER BEING A BRIDESMAID. WOULD IT BE BEST TO ASK HER OR ASSIGN HER TO OTHER WEDDING "RESPONSIBLITIES/DUTIES" SO SHE STILL FEELS INVOLVED? I HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION SOON TO HAVE HER IN MY BRIDAL PARTY OR NOT.

Re: BRIDESMAID/ SISTER.. TO KICK OUT OF PARTY OR WAIT IT OUT

  • In Response to BRIDESMAID/ SISTER.. TO KICK OUT OF PARTY OR WAIT IT OUT:
    MY SISTER (WHICH I ASKED TO BE ONE OF MY BRIDESMAIDS) IS M.I.A SHE IS YOUNG (20) AND COME TO FIND OUT SHE IS BACK INTO DRUGS (AFTER  BEING SOBER 1 YEAR). SHE NEVER WANTS TO COME AROUND WHEN WE HAVE THE GIRLS GET TOGETHER TO LOOK FOR DRESSES, AND SHE IS SUPER SKINNY AGAIN (SHE DOESNT WANT ME TO SEE HER LIKE THAT) . COME TO FIND OUT SHE WAS ARRESTED AND NOW HAS A WARRANT! SO NOW I DONT KNOW IF SHE WILL BE IN JAIL FOR THE WEDDING OR WORSE. IM WORRIED ABOUT HER AND IM WORRIED ABOUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT HER BEING A BRIDESMAID. WOULD IT BE BEST TO ASK HER OR ASSIGN HER TO OTHER WEDDING "RESPONSIBLITIES/DUTIES" SO SHE STILL FEELS INVOLVED? I HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION SOON TO HAVE HER IN MY BRIDAL PARTY OR NOT.
    Posted by Alista0054

    1. TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK. Please. It's the equivalent of shouting and it's very difficult to read.

    2. Why the hell do you care more about her role as a bridesmaid than the fact that she is your sister and got arrested?! Priorities, woman! Her only 'responsibility' is to wear the dress in the wedding. How about you try to help her as her loving sister so that she will, you know, not be in frickin' jail?

    3. She needs an intervention, not to be kicked out (which, by the way, is pretty much guaranteed to make her hate you forever).
    image
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    In Response to BRIDESMAID/ SISTER.. TO KICK OUT OF PARTY OR WAIT IT OUT:
    MY SISTER (WHICH I ASKED TO BE ONE OF MY BRIDESMAIDS) IS M.I.A SHE IS YOUNG (20) AND COME TO FIND OUT SHE IS BACK INTO DRUGS (AFTER  BEING SOBER 1 YEAR). SHE NEVER WANTS TO COME AROUND WHEN WE HAVE THE GIRLS GET TOGETHER TO LOOK FOR DRESSES, AND SHE IS SUPER SKINNY AGAIN (SHE DOESNT WANT ME TO SEE HER LIKE THAT) . COME TO FIND OUT SHE WAS ARRESTED AND NOW HAS A WARRANT! SO NOW I DONT KNOW IF SHE WILL BE IN JAIL FOR THE WEDDING OR WORSE. IM WORRIED ABOUT HER AND IM WORRIED ABOUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT HER BEING A BRIDESMAID. WOULD IT BE BEST TO ASK HER OR ASSIGN HER TO OTHER WEDDING "RESPONSIBLITIES/DUTIES" SO SHE STILL FEELS INVOLVED? I HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION SOON TO HAVE HER IN MY BRIDAL PARTY OR NOT.
    Posted by Alista0054
    Kicking her out is an incredibly nasty and self centered thing to do.  It will also ruin your relationship with her, not to mention ruin your reputation in the eyes of any family members that see that you would treat her that way in her time of need.

    It is obvious that your sister really needs some help.  This is more important than your wedding.  Get over this crap about having her around for girls' get togethers and picking out dresses, and focus on what is really important here.  If your parents aren't already involved, they need to be.  Reach out to NA and other sources.  Figure out what you can do to get her some help.

    If she shows up in the wedding, you are honored to have her stand next to you, no matter how skinny she is or what dress she ends up wearing.

    And for the love of god, stop screaming.  
  • Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • Wow. You're a real peach arencha?

    At no point should the thought of your wedding even cross your mind when your SISTER is dealing with a relapse and legal troubles. Seriously, get your head out of your butt and give her some support and stop worrying about how her illness effects YOU. This is not about you, it's about her and her illness and the fact that she needs help. You say you're worried about her, but your attitude sounds very self centered and rude.

    As far as getting her some help, you need to make sure she's receptive to WANTING help. My sister just celebrated her 1 year sober anni, and if I've learnt anything from going through her addiction and recovery process with her, it's that the addict needs to WANT to get clean; you can absolutely not force them into it. You need to sit down and talk to your sister and let her know that you and your family are worried about her, and see where she's at with what she wants to do. Let her know that you love her no matter what, and don't even mention the wedding unless she brings it up, because it's not about YOUR wedding, it's about HER health. 


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • If she shows up to your wedding in the dress, then she is in your wedding party.  if she doesn't, she isn't. You don't have to make any decisions sooner than that about your wedding party.   Now, stop being so selfish and have some more concern for what your sister must be going through.
  • Your wedding is over a year away.   You shouldn't even be looking at dresses now.

    Instead, ,the good news is that you get to focus more on your sister and the issues that she has.   Drug abuse is awful and it can destroy a family.    I recommend going to some counseling  / alanon type meetings rather than putting the focus on yourself now.
  • Focus on your sister, not your wedding. If she shows up in her dress, awesome. If not, oh well.




  • Does anyone remember the post about a bride worried about her BMs warrant, and the long discussion that ensued about what counties it would be active in to see if she could get away with coming into the state the wedding was being held in?
    image

    Previously Alaynajuliana


  • In Response to Re: BRIDESMAID/ SISTER.. TO KICK OUT OF PARTY OR WAIT IT OUT:
    Does anyone remember the post about a bride worried about her BMs warrant, and the long discussion that ensued about what counties it would be active in to see if she could get away with coming into the state the wedding was being held in?
    Posted by Alaynajuliana
    yes !!  And we were all explaining that a warrant crosses state lines, so her BM shouldnt' be driving in any state or county.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    OP, you make me sad that rather than focusing on getting your sister help you are wondering how it will affect your wedding.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    You already made the decision to have her be in your wedding party when you asked her to be in your wedding party.  This is not rocket science.  WTH is up with all the crazy today???



  • IF THERE ARE WEDDING-RELATED RESPONSIBILITIES THAT NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF, YOU DO IT YOURSELF INSTEAD OF SHOVING YOUR JOB OFF TO SOMEONE ELSE, ESPECIALLY WHEN THAT PERSON IS YOUR SERIOUSLY ILL SISTER HTH YWIA!
  • d2vad2va
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    ALL I WANT TO SAY IS F YOU AND YOUR CAPS

    The internet hates you!

    Also, shes you flipping sister, your wedding is a ways away and all you can think about is how shes going to be at your wedding? 

    HOW ABOUT YOU HELP YOUR SISTER BECAUSE SHES OBVIOUSLY GOING THROUGH SOME ISSUES.  
  • Daizy106Daizy106
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    member
    edited April 2013
    please turn off your caps.

    You should not kick your sister out of the wedding. that is just mean. She obviously has a problem, and if you kick her out, it will do more damage than good. Like all the other women on this board said, if she shows up in the right dress, than she has done her duty as a bridesmaid. And if you are worried about her, then why are you even contemplating kicking her out? Do not kick her out, plan your wedding, she doesn't need to help you with that. its your wedding, its your responsibility, not the bridesmaids. Again, the bridesmaids are to come the day of the wedding in the right dress, that is it.
    I hope your sister gets the help she needs.
    Congrats on your engagement and goodluck
  • (1) Friends don't let friends type in caps. Please turn off your caps.
    (2) How about focusing on your sister and helping her first instead of worrying about her in your wedding? Your wedding is only for one day, and your sister's recovery is going to be many days in rehab and recovery.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Come on people.  Clearly making sure your WP fulfills their duties and responsibilities for the wedding are much more important than a sibling having a warrant out on them.   

    Geez. Didn't your Emily Post book tell  that?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • ALSO, YOUR WEDDING IS MORE THAN A YEAR AWAY SO YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANY OF THIS YET.
  • Good Lord!  Are you kidding me? 

    Your wedding is a year away.  The ladies are right.  It is never acceptable to "kick someone out", especially someone who needs you, and her family & friends.  Although, quite frankly, if this is your only concern, then maybe she doesn't really need you. 

    What a shame.  You should focus on something more important, like your sister, than a wedding down the road.   If you knew she had issues, and you were hesitant, you should have never asked her.  The end. 
  • As someone who has had a variety of drug addicts in her life, I'll say this:

    If she is hurting you, you are under no obligation to keep her in your wedding. I've had to cut out a parent, cousins, and and aunt because of drugs. They kept hurting me over and over and over and over again, and my only responsibility is to look out for ME. I can't change what they do, but I can change how I let myself be affected by it.

    If you're only asking her to step down because you're worried about her responsibilities, don't kick her out. If you're concerned that YOU'RE GOING TO GET HURT, then you have no obligation to her.

    It might sound cold, but it's from experience, and from about a million dollars worth of therapy. You're responsible for your own happiness. Don't let someone else hurt you. 
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