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imitaliana · May 2013

hordol · May 2013

Don't worry about having even sides or not. I assume you mean for seating at the ceremony, right? You can have your ushers seat some of your FI's guests on your side if it is starting to look weird, or you can nix having "sides" all together. As for the random person being added, have your FI talk to the couple and see what they meant by that. I can't imagine who it would be if you truly didn't leave anybody out. Do they babysit or watch a child that they might be bringing? But anyway, have you FI deal with his side of the family and guest list. ETA: if you are worried about him being too nice about it, have a talk with your FI before he starts to talk to his relatives about this asking asking him to be polite but firm. It is hard to tell people no sometimes, but you shouldn't have to be the bad guy over this.

libby2483 · May 2013

Perhaps if the great aunt and uncle are older, they are not able to drive well. They may have added on an adult child of theirs because it is the only way they can get to the wedding. I'm not trying to excuse their behavior, because it is rude to add an uninvited guest, but I'm just speculating about possible reasons. This may not be the case at all, but it was with one of our elderly guests. If something like this is the case, I would try to be understanding about letting them add someone. And don't worry about even sides; they really don't matter.

zitiqueen · May 2013

In Response to RSVP for 3 when invite was for 2?:
[QUOTE]We sent out invites with only outer envelopes, which said "Mr. and Mrs. First name Last Name". We only did RSVP cards for older people, and the online rsvp for everyone else is working fine (probably because no extras can be added

. So my FI's great aunt and uncle rsvp'd with their 2 names, but 3 attending and 3 meals. Idk if they want an extra meal to eat since they didn't fill in an extra name, or if they are bringing someone that they feel should have been invited? When I read the RSVP card, it was 3am and I tried talking to my FI about it but he was sleeping and cranky, so I have no idea how he'll approach it tomorrow. It's his family, so I think he should deal with it rather than me calling and their first impression of me being "yeah, you can't bring that person," but I am also afraid he and his mom might be too nice and we'll wind up paying for this extra person/meal. How do we approach this, with all of the hypothetical reasons behind the 3 person response? Also, he sent out invites to 20 more people than me and the guest list was an ordeal, but there was never anyone on the list that got nixed that I can imagine this aunt and uncle adding. With most of his people saying yes, I'm starting to worry our sides will be uneven, and it's stressing me out, hence the 4 am post :P Thanks!
Posted by imitaliana[/QUOTE]

Nobody is going to notice that he has more guests at the reception. I promise.

And yeah, this is his family, so he needs to be the one to make the call to clarify things.

AddieCake · May 2013

I don't understand what your uneven sides as far as the guest list matters. You're getting married, not playing football. Out of about 60 people at our wedding, 8 of them were my husband's "side." Yes, he and his family need to take care of this, but if for some reason the case is as Libby suggested, you may need to go ahead and accommodate this extra guest.

artbyallie · May 2013

Here's a script for him when he calls:

"Hi, aunt/uncle. imitaliana and I got your RSVP and we noticed you put your names but 3 attending. We're very sorry, but the invitation was only for the two of you."

If they try to pull something like, 'Well if Cousin So-and-So can't come, then we won't either,' he needs to call their bluff.

"I'm sorry to hear that, aunt/uncle. We'll miss seeing you."

OliveOilsMom · May 2013

Ditto Libby.

As for the seating at the ceremony. Our guest list was a 70/30 split of my family/friends v. H's family/friends. We had open seating at the ceremony and had a sign encouraging guests to sit where ever they wanted. We placed the sign on the basket of wedding programs. It did fill in pretty evenly.

lyndausvi · May 2013

Sides do not need to be even. Ours were not. It's not like people go around polling each other to see who has the most. Geez.

Since you said you only sent out RSVPs to older guests. It's possible they have a caretaker or need someone to drive them. If that is the case I would extend the invite to that person. If it's just they want an extra person then no.

Simply Fated · May 2013

As pps said, just have him call them to clarify. "I'm starting to worry our sides will be uneven, and it's stressing me out," Why is this stressing you out?

gottahavashorti · May 2013

It's definitely possible that they no longer drive or don't drive outside of their town, so ask your FI to find out who the guest is first. We did offer +1s to older couples that didn't drive or didn't drive more than 10-20 minutes and verbally invited a granddaughter when we found out my godmother declined because she didn't want to be rude by asking if she could bring her granddaughter who she was babysitting all week. It was not an adult only wedding and since the child was under her care 24/7 that week, we considered it equivalent to a couple bringing their own young child.

If it's just a random friend or relative of theirs, your FI can tell them that unfortunately, you are unable to accommodate additional guests and hope they are still able to attend. If they pull the "then I'm not coming" card, tell them that they will be missed and to please let you know if they change their minds and would like to attend.

imitaliana · May 2013

Carlton2013 · May 2013

I dont think she was really concerned about the 50/50 thing, she was just saying that someone on his family's side was adding a person to the final count that her side is paying for so it should be his responsibility to call his aunt to say, sorry we do not have extra plates or something like that.....I think its his responsibility. Or his mom can pay the extra plate....budgets should be stuck to and no one should mess with people's money!

RAD88 · May 2013

It may have been an accident, so don't get too worked up yet. Yes, your hubby should be the one to look into this, but more so to find out if there truly is an extra person, or if it was a mistake. Also, WHO that person is, if that is the case. If it is someone you guys don't even know, isn't related, and has contributed nothing to your lives, then I think it would be ok to tell them NO. And like everyone else is saying, the sides don't have to be even! As long as you both got to invite those people who are important to you, don't worry about it. From now on your family is his and vice versa...

Kate61487 · May 2013

I definitely think you should find out who #3 is before making a decision. H's godmother brought her niece b/c she'd agreed to watch her for the week prior to us setting our date. One of MIL's friends brought a random friend b/c she was making our wedding into a road trip and the friend was traveling with her.

If it's a rando I think you're good to say "sorry, the invitation was only for two", but if it's someone they legit can't come without (like a driver) then I'd let it slide.

ETA - if nothing else you probably need the name of the third person for escort cards, so you have a perfectly good reason to ask.

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