June 2013 Weddings

ARGH!

FI and I decided almost a year ago that aside from spouses and fiances, there would be no plus ones at the wedding. Well, now his brother has been "dating" this woman for 4 months (on and off again) and he essentially said that if he can't bring her, he won't be the best man. I am so irked right now at him, and FI is just stunned. My fear is that even if FI does bring her, he won't really be here, he'll be busy showing her around town (they live out of town). FI brother is in his 40s, but he acts like a 17 year old. Nobody else has had a problem with the plus 1 rule, even my cousins who have been with their girlfriends for almost 4 years, each. FI is tempted to make an exception to the rule, but I'm afraid that this won't be an isolated incident. His brother is making him feel guilty for things that he was never a part of, and trying to manipulate the situation.
FI and I also don't agree with this relationship. FBIL has broken up with the woman a few times and each time she threatened to kill herself. There are other things too, but I don't want to get too into EVERYTHING.
I told FI my feelings and told him that i don't want him stressing over it, and that I'll support any decision he makes.
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Re: ARGH!

  • emilyb213emilyb213 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    Honestly, you put yourself in this position when you decided to limit the +1s to fiances and spouses. Yeah, it sucks that his brother is being immature, but regardless of whether or not you agree with the relationship, your FBIL is right to be ticked about his girlfriend not being invited. You and your fiance made the decision to limit the guest list and judge the seriousness of others' relationships, so now it's time to own that decision and deal with the fallout.

    EDIT: Also, just because your cousins seem to be okay with this, I wouldn't place any bets that they actually are okay with leaving their girlfriends of 4+ years at home, they're just being polite and not making waves about it.
  • Last time I checked though, the bride and groom decide the guest list, not the guests. We are having a very small reception. There's no dancing or drinking. FI and I are paying for the whole thing ourselves and I'm sorry, but I am just so cranky right now. I am so stressed about everything that I can barely think straight. Thank you for the input ladies.
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  • In Response to Re: ARGH!:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, you put yourself in this position when you decided to limit the +1s to fiances and spouses. Yeah, it sucks that his brother is being immature, but regardless of whether or not you agree with the relationship, your FBIL is right to be ticked about his girlfriend not being invited. You and your fiance made the decision to limit the guest list and judge the seriousness of others' relationships, so now it's time to own that decision and deal with the fallout. EDIT: Also, just because your cousins seem to be okay with this, I wouldn't place any bets that they actually are okay with leaving their girlfriends of 4+ years at home, they're just being polite and not making waves about it.
    Posted by emilyb213[/QUOTE]


    THIS!

    Any person in a relationship should have gotten a +1.
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  • In Response to Re:ARGH!:
    [QUOTE]Last time I checked though, the bride and groom decide the guest list, not the guests. We are having a very small reception. There's no dancing or drinking. FI and I are paying for the whole thing ourselves and I'm sorry, but I am just so cranky right now. I am so stressed about everything that I can barely think straight. Thank you for the input ladies.
    Posted by Mikesgal419[/QUOTE]


    Deciding the guest list and being rude are two different things.
    I wouldn't go either.
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  • In Response to Re:ARGH!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:ARGH! : I agree with Emily. The bride and groom decide the guest list, sure, but that doesn't mean the bride and groom have carte blanche to be rude. Social units should be invited as such.  "No ring, no bring" is rude nine ways from Sunday, and I'm totally on FBIL's side here. And your cousins that have been with their others for four plus years? Sorry, I would have been real quick to say "Thanks, but no thanks." to your wedding. 
    Posted by TheMissusLia[/QUOTE]
     
    All of this. Also, he's your best man, give him a plus one. Usually at least wedding party members merit  plus one. 
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  • I agree with the the PPs. It was rude of you and your FI to exclude the SOs of your guests. 
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  • My only problem has been people that have gotten into relationships right around/after invitations went out. We hadn't planned on these extra guests, but since we have had a bunch of noes, I extended the invitation to these new SOs.
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  • In Response to ARGH!:
    [QUOTE]FI and I decided almost a year ago that aside from spouses and fiances, there would be no plus ones at the wedding. Well, now his brother has been "dating" this woman for 4 months (on and off again) and he essentially said that if he can't bring her, he won't be the best man. I am so irked right now at him, and FI is just stunned. My fear is that even if FI does bring her, he won't really be here, he'll be busy showing her around town (they live out of town). FI brother is in his 40s, but he acts like a 17 year old. Nobody else has had a problem with the plus 1 rule, even my cousins who have been with their girlfriends for almost 4 years, each. FI is tempted to make an exception to the rule, but I'm afraid that this won't be an isolated incident. His brother is making him feel guilty for things that he was never a part of, and trying to manipulate the situation. FI and I also don't agree with this relationship. FBIL has broken up with the woman a few times and each time she threatened to kill herself. There are other things too, but I don't want to get too into EVERYTHING. I told FI my feelings and told him that i don't want him stressing over it, and that I'll support any decision he makes.
    Posted by Mikesgal419[/QUOTE]

    1. You seriously think that if she's invited, he won't show up to the wedding? His threat is that he won't be in the wedding if she's not invited so by your logic he's not going to be there anyways. Looks like you're not going to have a best man so this isn't even an issue anymore.

    2. Can you say for sure that nobody else has a problem with it? Why don't you go ask those 4 year girlfriends? I'm willing to bet they have issues with your ridiculous policy.

    3. It doesn't really matter if you approve of their relationship or not. They probably didn't ask you, did they? The only people who need to approve of a relationship are the people in it.

    4. This is absolutely none of your business, and you have no right to judge this woman. Threatening suicide can be a sign of a mental disorder or severe depression. You judging her so negatively for something so serious is the last thing she needs.
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  • In Response to Re:ARGH!:
    [QUOTE]Last time I checked though, the bride and groom decide the guest list, not the guests. We are having a very small reception. There's no dancing or drinking. FI and I are paying for the whole thing ourselves and I'm sorry, but I am just so cranky right now. I am so stressed about everything that I can barely think straight. Thank you for the input ladies.
    Posted by Mikesgal419[/QUOTE]

    This is what I feel should happen at wedding receptions with no dancing, falling glitter and all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0MSv7YHvk0 
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  • In Response to Re:ARGH!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:ARGH! : This is what I feel should happen at wedding receptions with no dancing, falling glitter and all.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0MSv7YHvk0  
    Posted by katiereith[/QUOTE]

    Yes! and I secretly love the spanish captions! :)

    Bailar!
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  • In Response to Re:ARGH!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:ARGH! : Berry, is that you throwing glitter everywhere again!?
    Posted by mrskaiser22[/QUOTE]

    Now the problem is that I will have songs from Footloose stuck in my head ALL DAY. I will educate people at work by singing wonderful songs from the 80's. Clearly the 80's was the best decade of music creation.
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  • I may or may not have just added Footloose to my must play list. As of now the only songs on there are it Caught up in You by .38 Special and Paradise by the Dashboard Light. I think I shouldn't be in charge of the music anymore.
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  • Paradise by the Dashboard light! YES! Love that song.

    We also have Sweet Caroline and Don't Dtop Believeing and Jump on It as songs to play to dance to as we get Tipsy :)
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  • ALL THE GLITTER!!! GLITTER BOMBS!!!!
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  • In Response to Re: ARGH!:
    [QUOTE]My only problem has been people that have gotten into relationships right around/after invitations went out. We hadn't planned on these extra guests, but since we have had a bunch of noes, I extended the invitation to these new SOs.
    Posted by Berry327[/QUOTE]

    I was concerned about that too once the invitations were sent. Luckily, that only applied to one cousin and it was no trouble to bring in the one extra.
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  • Ok, I'm obviously late to this party, so I'll be brief:  as a BM in my sister's wedding, I was not allowed to bring my BF, despite having dated him for almost a year.  My mom and sister decided that he was just not important enough to be included.  Eight years later and I'm still a bit irritated about it, not like I've been holding a grudge or anything, just all this recent wedding planning has made me realize that they were wrong and I was right!  Do the right thing.
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  • I moved in with my FI at 4 months.  We were pretty serious.

    Sorry but I wouldn't go.

    Personally I have never understood why people think that someone would want to attend a wedding without a date.   Its tacky and rude IMO
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  • ya'll are right. We were so concerned with the budget that we were being rude, so... we are lifting the plus 1 rule. Thank you helping us see straight.
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  • In Response to Re: ARGH!:
    [QUOTE]ya'll are right. We were so concerned with the budget that we were being rude, so... we are lifting the plus 1 rule. Thank you helping us see straight.
    Posted by Mikesgal419[/QUOTE]

    06.26.06 :)
  • cnf2013cnf2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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  • edited May 2013
    I love me some Bill Cosby. He's just such a wise man.

    Edited because I cannot form a sentence.
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  • Holy crap, I just snorted. Bill Cosby is the best.
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