What to do with my Maiden name...

Darden13 · May 2013

So I know that most girls take the mans last name, which I'm planning on doing as well. My concern comes to what to do with my Maiden name.. I love my maiden name but I already have TWO middle names, family tradition.. and my Maiden name is extremely long... I'm thinking I'm going to have to part with my maiden name but I was just seeing if anyone had any suggestions..

kmbryant2413 · May 2013

I really would not put your entire name out here on an international forum on the internet, hun.... Can you edit your post and sub it for similar length names? You're opening yourself up for spam/troubles.

libby2483 · May 2013

First, I would take your real name off this post. Second, it's really a personal decision. I kept my maiden name as a second middle name. Since you have two middle names already, it may be best just to drop your maiden name as three middle names seems a bit much. Again, though, it is simply a matter of personal preference. Edit: And not to be a creeper, but just to illustrate the point, it took me about 30 seconds to find out the name and address of where you work just based on knowing your full name. There's some sketchy people on the interwebs, so be careful with your info.

athomfor · May 2013

No one can answer this for you- it's a deeply personal decision.

It's not a good idea to put your real name in a public forum.

daveANDkristen · May 2013

I agree that this is really up to the individual. Some people drop their middle or move maiden to a second middle (obviously in your case that would leave you with three). So if you drop anything it doesn't have to be your maiden, you could drop one or both of your middles. If it's really important to you to keep your maiden, you could hyphenate. Yes, that would give you a very long name, but most people aren't called by their full legal name in daily life, so you'd be commonly called Desirae Maiden-Married.

misshart00 · May 2013

I agree that it's up to you. I missed where you had your whole name, so I'm not sure what it is, but we're naming our baby my maiden name (if it's a boy). If your name wouldn't work well for a first name, you could use it as a middle name for future children, if you plan on having them.

MuppetFan · May 2013

Both of my cousins have the middle name of my aunt's maiden name.

Another idea.

Sweetjadedtears · May 2013

I'm mostly a lurker but thought I'd give my 2 cents since this is something I struggled with when I got married as well.

I also had 2 middle names per family tradition (they were both my mom and grandma's maiden names), so my name was already long and latin-sounding. I had always planned on just adding my H's name to the end of them all so my name would be like "Alexandra Maria Romero Rodriguez Smith" (not my real name!). I had even called the SS office and asked and they said they could do that.

However when I actually went in to get my name changed they said it was too long to fit in the computer system. I was soooo upset. I had to make a decision on the spot but didn't want to fully lose either of my middle names so I ended up shortening one of my middle names to just an initial so it now reads Alexandra Maria R. Rodriguez Smith. It wasn't a great compromise, but it worked for me and I didn't feel like I was leaving behind part of my identity. Just wanted to give you a heads-up that if you have a longer name like I did that everything may not fit in the database at the SS office when you go in... Good luck with whatever you decide!

arendiva · May 2013

You could swap out one of your middle names with your maiden name so your name would be First, middle, maiden, married. Though for ease it might be less headache just to drop it.

Kate61487 · May 2013

I didn't have two middle, but I dropped my middle so I went from Kate Middle Maiden to Kate Maiden Married. I also plan to use my Maiden as my first son's middle name. Both of those are traditions in my family.

I really never used my middle name before. I use it a *little* more now b/c it's a good transition - if I'm writing something to someone who still has my maiden in their system I use all three. I know in my mother's eyes I will always be "Kate Middle" whether it's on my SS card or not....

theretamaragoes · May 2013

A dear friend of mine dropped her MIDDLE name... Then took her maiden name as her middle name, and her husband's last name. So let's say her maiden name was Jennifer Anne Davis... and she was marrying John Smith.

When they married, she changed her legal full name to Jennifer Davis Smith.

This worked well for her and she was very happy with it. But, it's a very personal decision and is really dependent on what you feel most comfortable with

JillianNJohn · May 2013

I have 2 middle names. First 2 middles and maiden name was 30 letters. I married the first time, let go of my maiden name and took his name. It was a no brainer for me but at the same time I felt like I was letting go part of my father who passed when I was 9. His name was something I cherished. I divorced 10 yrs later and kept my married name, which I still have but added back in my maiden name for my own reasons. I only sign first name, 1st middle and former married name for the most part but I have all of it for again my own reasons. My mother had my 2nd middle removed from my name in my youth without my knowledge. I was furious bc its my fathers sisters name and I cherished it. I added it back in when I was 18. Getting married in 36 days and will be surrendering my maiden name as well as my former married name (I kept it at the time bc my children were confused and young). I will be taking my first, 2 middles and FIs name... Which will be the longest name I've ever had. Thankfully california now puts the last name on its own line of a drivers license bc my name won't fit on 1 line

kerbohl · May 2013

In Response to Re: What to do with my Maiden name...:
[QUOTE]If you like all your names, and parting with them makes you sad, just keep them. I didn't change my name, but do use Mrs. HusbandName socially because it is easier than Mrs. Maiden and Mr. Husband being written on every piece of mail. IRL, your full name doesn't get written out that frequently, so who cares if it is long?
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

This is what I plan to do as well. It is less of a headache for work, and reduces the paperwork!

wittykitty14 · May 2013

It's really up to you. There aren't any rules about what people should or shouldn't do, it just comes down to what you're comfortable with. My MOH has a hyphenated last name. When she gets married, she's completely ditching her middle name. The first half of her current last name will become her middle name. Her new last name will be hyphenated, with the first half being the second half of her current last name, and the new second half will be her H's last name. Her H apparently will also hyphenate his last name to what she changes hers too. I've also seen couples swap their last names too-you know, H takes W's last name, she takes his. That's pretty cool. I also liked the previous suggestion about changing your name, and then using your maiden name for a middle name of any future children. There's so many options, and there's no hard and fast rules. Whatever you want to do is great!

jennyd412 · May 2013

I plan to drop my middle and turn my maiden into my middle. My maiden name does not work at all as a first name for future children.

Sassenach1743 · May 2013

I don't have a middle name and was originally thinking I'd keep my maiden name as my new middle name and take my FI's name as my new last name.

But day before yesterday, when we went to the county clerk to apply for our marriage license, I just filled it out with my first name and my new last name, dropping my maiden name altogether. At that moment it just felt right. As much as I love my maiden name, I love my new last name too and am looking forward to my new identity with it.

Basically, it's your name... do what you feel is right for you. There is no rule that says you must keep your maiden name or that you must drop it altogether either. And don't worry about what other people (e.g. your family members and coworkers) will think, it isn't their business what name you choose.

32daisies · May 2013

There are, unfortunately, rules about what you can and can't do, legally. In New York State, you cannot turn your maiden name into your middle name via a marriage license. This used to be an option, but is no longer legal. Do what feels right to you, but since this is an important decision, do some research about the laws in your state before you make your decision, so you know what the options are. For example:

http://www.cityclerk.nyc.gov/html/marriage/name_change.shtml

Storm29 · May 2013

This is, as PPs have said, incredibly personal and totally up to you.

That being said, if you really don't want to get rid of any of your names, I see no reason (other than character length/laws in your state if they come up) that you can't have three middle names. Why not? If that's what you want, go for it. You wouldn't have to ever tell a soul if you don't want to (though I would recommend your FH). The "name" you go by in day-to-day life and the "name" on official paperwork isn't identical for many people anyway.

What to do with my Maiden name...

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