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De-Inviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding

brittanyhilleybrittanyhilley
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
How should I go about de-inviting guests to the wedding? Especially if they are a part of the groom's immidiate family? Long story short we have never gotten along with them and only invited them in the first place because they were his family but now they have done a few things to make us say forget it...this day is about us, not you and if you can't handle that then you're no longer invited (and that's putting it nicely). What would be the best way to de-invite them without adding more fuel to the already sky high fire?
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Re: De-Inviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding

  • ridedatbikeridedatbike member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    You might want to lurk little bit.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You can't.  How on Earth would disinviting someone to a wedding NOT flame a fire?
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  • brittanyhilleybrittanyhilley
    First Comment
    edited May 2013
    I guess there isn't. I was just hoping somebody would have a better idea than just telling them that they are no longer invited...
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  • hordolhordol member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    edited May 2013
    Just a warning, you're going to get chewed out for this question. My answer is, though, if you're truly set on uninviting people which is rude just do it. There is no good way to do this because it is wrong. There is nothing we could tell you about the proper way to do this cause there is none.
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  • brittanyhilleybrittanyhilley
    First Comment
    Thanks, that's all I needed to know. I will let him handle it.
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to De-Inviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding:
    [QUOTE]How should I go about de-inviting guests to the wedding? Especially if they are a part of the groom's immidiate family? Long story short we have never gotten along with them and only invited them in the first place because they were his family but now they have done a few things to make us say forget it...this day is about us, not you and if you can't handle that then you're no longer invited (and that's putting it nicely). What would be the best way to de-invite them without adding more fuel to the already sky high fire?
    Posted by brittanyhilley[/QUOTE]

    You can say "we hate you, and we never want to have a relationship with you ever again".  Because no matter what words you actually use, that is what you are really saying and what they will hear.

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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to De-Inviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding:
    [QUOTE]How should I go about de-inviting guests to the wedding? Especially if they are a part of the groom's immidiate family? Long story short we have never gotten along with them and only invited them in the first place because they were his family but now they have done a few things to make us say forget it...this day is about us, not you and if you can't handle that then you're no longer invited (and that's putting it nicely). What would be the best way to de-invite them without adding more fuel to the already sky high fire?
    Posted by brittanyhilley[/QUOTE]

    Well, once you invite guests, the day is no longer all about you.   

    Univiting guests will certainly fuel the fire and will probably create drama.   Is that what you want?   Can you ignore whatever is going on with them?   Whatever it is, is it really going to cause huge problems for your wedding day?

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to Re: De-Inviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding:
    [QUOTE]In Response to De-Inviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding : You can say "we hate you, and we never want to have a relationship with you ever again".  Because no matter what words you actually use, that is what you are really saying and what they will hear.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    This. I can't believe you would think there WAS a way to do this and not add fuel to the fire.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re:DeInviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding:[QUOTE]Thanks, that's all I needed to know. I will let him handle it. Posted by brittanyhilley[/QUOTE] That's probably a good idea. This is his family and so he needs to face this. We have NO idea what they've done to upset you both so much that you can't stand to have them at your wedding, just please understand that disinviting them could put a permanent wedge in his family forever. This is definitely something he needs to think about very carefully. GL!
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  • allychaseallychase member
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    Please elaborate on what his family did
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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
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    Seriously?

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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Unless one of them tried to assault you, turned out to be a pedophile, or has threatened you, there are no pretty words in the world that makes you come out smelling like roses for doing something like this. It's a very public and large insult. Kind of like the nuclear option: you'd better have a damn good reason.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I can't believe somebody actually thought rescinding immediate family members' invitations to their wedding would improve their relationship.
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  • ErinElizabethRErinElizabethR
    100 Comments
    In Response to Re:DeInviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding:[QUOTE]Unless one of them tried to assault you, turned out to be a pedophile, or has threatened you, there are no pretty words in the world that makes you come out smelling like roses for doing something like this. It's a very public and large insult. Kind of like the nuclear option: you'd better have a damn good reason. Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE] This, also I would add stealing to the list. Not just walking away with your favorite pen, I mean stealing your identity or your engagement ring. It has to be something BIG, and willing to end the relationship with that person over.
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  • annmarie714annmarie714 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    You kick them in the shins and run away laughing.  That's what I did to all the trolls trying to take over my wedding day!  Those crazy b!tches.
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
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  • efmcc67efmcc67 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:DeInviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:DeInviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding: This, also I would add stealing to the list. Not just walking away with your favorite pen, I mean stealing your identity or your engagement ring. It has to be something BIG, and willing to end the relationship with that person over.
    Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this. I do know someone who disinvited her own brother after he tried to steal her identity. Even then, her parents tried to talk her out of it.

    OP: you haven't given us any information about what they did to be worthy of disinviting. Rescinding an invitation to your wedding is a very open, public slight. Talk to your fiance and consider very carefully if this is a good idea. Since this is family, it might not mean just ending the relationship with them, but straining relations with all of your fiance's family. Good luck!
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  • gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    If they have recently committed a massive offense like PPs have mentioned that cause you to wish to cut tehse people out of your lives, then cut them out of your lives - but not for wedding related reasons.  Uninviting a guest will only fuel the fire.
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  • PookiesonPookieson member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    It better be a large enough offense that you want it to be a relationship ending move.  If you disinvite these family members, it will fuel fire, you will have drama, you will most likely not speak and they will have a LARGE amount of animosity toward you and your FI.  If this is your goal, as in, you dislike them enough that you want them to have no part in your future, then go ahead.  Otherwise, suck it up.  This is a relationship ender if you chose to do this because it is wrong and you better have a very, very good reason.

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  • 32daisies32daisies member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to Re: De-Inviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding:
    [QUOTE]In Response to De-Inviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding : You can say "we hate you, and we never want to have a relationship with you ever again".  Because no matter what words you actually use, that is what you are really saying and what they will hear.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    This, a thousand times.

    I mean, if you *want* to say "we hate you and never want to see you again", then go ahead -- we can't live your life for you, and I would never in a million judge the state of someone else's relationship with their immediate family, oy vey. But you need to know that's what you're saying.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Is the etiquette board?
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  • annmarie714annmarie714 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2013
    In Response to Re: De-Inviting Guests 2 weeks before the wedding:
    [QUOTE]Is the etiquette board?
    Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

    Can you read?  Just curious because it clearly states that at the top of the thread.
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
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