When to say I'm engaged

Knottie_22902878 · April 2013

So my bf, now fiancé proposed this last Saturday and we went to my close friends wedding on Sunday. She's currently on her honeymoon and will be till the end of the week. I haven't told anyone except for family and very close friends that we are engaged. Is it wrong for me to call her on her honeymoon and tell her my good news? I want her to know before its fb official!!

LizzyRB · April 2013

Congrats!!

I would be delighted if my friend got engaged, I would want to know even if we were on our honeymoon! I give you props for not announcing it at her wedding

vanityink · April 2013

Personally I'd rather text than call, since it seems less invasive that way, but I definitely wouldn't hold off telling her

misshart00 · April 2013

I think you should send her a text that says, 'hey when you get a minute, call me. I want to tell you something exciting!' Then she can call back when it's convenient and you can let her know. I would be thrilled for my friend.

kmbryant2413 · April 2013

I would also wait until she gets home. I know it's hard because you're excited, but give her a little bit more time and then let her know when she gets back

Keith+Brenna · April 2013

I'd wait untill she gets home.

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

I think it depends on the person, tbh. I got seriously annoyed every time someone called us during the honeymoon. It felt like people were being nosey and trying to see if our sex vacation was going well. Most of the time, I didn't answer my phone at all.

Knottie_22902878 · April 2013

I'm thinking if I text her asking to call when she's free. If she doesn't call back within a couple of hours ill send her a text with the news.

AddieCake · April 2013

Wait until she gets home. She's on her honeymoon, for Pete's sake.

Simply Fated · April 2013

I think it depends. I know I'd rather my best friend tell me herself before I saw it on facebook. I think you should send a text and give her a chance to call you back.

kerbohl · April 2013

I'd wait until she is home - if she is such a close friend, wouldn't you rather tell her in person? And then you can also go visit after her honeymoon to see how she is.
I didn't make my engagement "fb official" until two months after my engagement - you can wait a few days so you can tell your friend when she is free and more in a mindset to be excited for you. I'd think if you call/text her now, she would be distracted . . . and rightly so!

Knottie_22902878 · April 2013

She told everyone but me when she got engaged, we were kind of in a rough patch. I live out of state and won't see her for another 2 months and I really don't want to wait until then. I don't want to bug her on her honeymoon but I really want to tell her before most others! I'm not good at keeping secrets!!

clechara · April 2013

Yes, it would be wrong to call her on her honeymoon. Try, waiting until she gets back.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

I think it depends on the person. Some people don't want to be bothered at all on their HM, while others (like myself) are constantly calling home or having people call them while on their vacation.

I think Misshart gave a great idea. Send her a text that you have something super exciting to tell her and to have her give you a call when she gets a chance.

A HM is just a vacation. Nothing more, nothing less. If this wasn't her HM would you be so hesitant about calling her up?

Kate61487 · April 2013

I think this depends on the person, and you know your friend better than us.

Either she'll be annoyed that you called her on her honeymoon, in which case she forfeits any right to be mad that you made it FB official before you told her, or she'd welcome a call/text on the honeymoon b/c she wants to be among the first to know. She can't have it both ways; and you shouldn't have to keep your news to yourself to fit her schedule. I wouldn't hesitate to text (which she can ignore if she's in the first camp).

Benny618 · April 2013

Send her an email that you wanted her to be one of the first to know, and let her know. It's less invasive but you still get to tell her first. If she checks email while she's on her honeymoon then great, she will see it. If not, she won't see anything on facebook anyway. I don't think you need to hide it from the world while she is away (you just got engaged, it's exciting!) but I do think it's a little much to call her on her honeymoon to tell her.

BostonGIrl4732 · April 2013

I'd probably text that you have exciting news. While I agree that some people don't want to be bothered on their honeymoon, you shouldn't postpone telling others about your engagment for the length of their honeymoon just because you're waiting on one person to get back. That's just my $0.02 as a person who hasn't gone on their honeymoon yet.

lyndausvi · April 2013

We were overseas for our HM, so we didn't talk/text to anyone. We did exchange emails with the commissioner of our NFL fantasy league and also DH best friend about our line-up. We were gone over 2 NFL weekend. It's all about priorities.

I would text and/or email her or if you see she is on FB send her something. I would not call.

MuppetFan · April 2013

I think it depends on the person. I'd personally prefer to wait till I got back from my honeymoon. If you don't want to wait, I would text the message.

jemmini6 · April 2013

It really depends on the person, so only you can judge if she'd be annoyed to be bothered on her HM.

Personally, I wouldn't mind hearing good news from a close friend, but my own experience with vacations in general says a text would still be best because I normally don't carry my phone.

winelover123 · April 2013

I'd just send her a picture message of your left hand with the ring. Then she can call if she wants to talk to you but she still gets the news. When I got engaged I mass texted a picture of my ring to my friends because I didn't want to spend that much time calling them all and it was more exciting than a plain text message. I don't think I'd be annoyed with a pic-message on my HM, but I probably would with a phone call or "call when you have a minute!" text. But that's just me. It depends on the person I think.

JoanE2012 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-to-say-im-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7085138b-a9d5-4550-a463-b49284f0327cPost:fc944c75-94b6-478b-bb53-6c0ba2222393">Re: When to say I'm engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait until she gets home. She's on her honeymoon, for Pete's sake.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Couldn't agree more.

AddieCake · April 2013

I agree it definitely depends on the person. I am usually overly courteous, and I would never consider contacting someone on their vacation (honeymoon or not) with news unless someone had died and they needed to know b/c you don't always know how someone is going to feel about being contacted while they are on vacation.

But that's me. I got irritated last year one day when I took a day off work and someone texted me a work question. I responded that I had taken the day off and would deal with that when I was back at work. So yeah. I don't want people pestering me when I'm taking the day off from work, I definitely wouldn't want someone bothering me while was away on a nice vacation somewhere, and I sure as hell would be annoyed that someone contacted me on my honeymoon for a non-emergency.

Salsera29 · April 2013

Since it doesn't seem like there is a standard etiquette answer for this one, I'm just going to give my personal opinion. I just imagined being on my honeymoon and BF getting engaged...I would want to know immediately!

wittykitty14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-to-say-im-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7085138b-a9d5-4550-a463-b49284f0327cPost:47bb0b9e-5586-431e-b0b1-3652c8d2d451">Re: When to say I'm engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]We were overseas for our HM, so we didn't talk/text to anyone. We did exchange emails with the commissioner of our NFL fantasy league and also DH best friend about our line-up. We were gone over 2 NFL weekend. It's all about priorities.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

That is FANTASTIC. My FI would do the same thing!

OP, as a friend, I would want to know ASAP if my friend just got engaged. However, I wouldn't really want to be bothered on my HM either. I think the text is a good idea. Just don't make it sound too urgent, thus, putting more pressure on her to HAVE to respond right away. She IS on her honeymoon and spending quality time with her new husband after all! If she doesn't respond after a few days, then I'd put it on facebook or whatever. Your friend probably won't be upset that she didn't know first, given the circumstances. Chances are, she'll just be really happy for you! Congrats!

Bellekitty22 · April 2013

Thanks everyone for your help! I texted her to let me know when she landed (I'm a worry wart) and asked her to call when she had a minute. Told her over the phone and she was beyond happy for me!!! She thanked me for keeping quiet for her big day but congratulated me repeatedly. She and the hubby were so happy I wanted to tell them so badly haahaa!!!

kerbohl · April 2013

In Response to Re: When to say I'm engaged:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When to say I'm engaged : My feelings exactly. I'm sorry but I really honestly believe that a HM is just a vacation. If you are a person who doesn't want to be bothered on your vacations then turn off the phone. If you don't mind a few calls or texts then leave it on. But a HM is a vacation with your SO. I have taken a few trips with just my SO and they have all equally been fun and romantic, my HM was not anymore special because we were newly married. We were the same in love couple as we were on our other trips so I really don't see how our HM was any more romantic or special. The HM was just a reason to give us the chance to get away and relax for a bit. By saying that the HM is some awesome better then any vacation ever because it is a HM just promotes the horrid wedding industry and future brides into thinking that they need to have this ideal dream HM and spend money that they may not have or it won't be perfect or romantic is just ridiculous. My HM was amazing but in the end it was still just a vacation.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Ummmm . . . you do realize that there are brides out there that are waiting until marriage and therefore the HM is indeed special, and the lies of the wedding industry has nothing to do with this? Maybe it was just a normal vacation for you, but for some of us it is not, and it has nothing to do with the lies of the wedding industry. This really has nothing to do with whether or not to text OP's friend, but just keep in mind for some people, the HM is extremely important. Personally, my phone will be off for my entire HM, and if someone tries to contact me, it had better be a life-or-death situation or I will be royally pissed off.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

In Response to Re: When to say I'm engaged:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When to say I'm engaged : I agree that a HM is just a vacation. But you know what? I don't like being contacted while on vacation unless it's an emergency. I spent a month in Italy without a phone or computer while in college and it was glorious. I felt fully present in the real world for the first time in years. No distractions, no other responsibilities, it was just me and the art (I was there studying art history). I feel the same about being contacted while on vacation from work. I am an attorney, so I can't ignore phone calls, emails, and texts after hours and on the weekends. I essentially live my life on call. So when I am out of the office on vacation, I am seriously out of the office on vacation. Do not call me unless the deal is about to fall through, and I'm the only one who can save it. OP, I get that being engaged is exciting. But really, just hold your horses. Let her enjoy her vacation with minimal outside contact. Planning a wedding and going through the wedding can be really stressful. The honeymoon is a time to decompress and refocus on each other, without all the outside drama that getting married naturally brings. You will still be engaged when she gets back. You can call her then.
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

And that is why I said in my first post that it entirely depends on the person.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

In Response to Re: When to say I'm engaged:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When to say I'm engaged : Ummmm . . . you do realize that there are brides out there that are waiting until marriage and therefore the HM is indeed special, and the lies of the wedding industry has nothing to do with this? Maybe it was just a normal vacation for you, but for some of us it is not, and it has nothing to do with the lies of the wedding industry. This really has nothing to do with whether or not to text OP's friend, but just keep in mind for some people, the HM is extremely important. Personally, my phone will be off for my entire HM, and if someone tries to contact me, it had better be a life-or-death situation or I will be royally pissed off.
Posted by kerbohl[/QUOTE]

And I understand that some brides wait till marriage to have sex. But that doesn't mean that their HM will be anymore special then those who don't wait and anything more then just a fun and romantic vacation.

I think people put too much pressure to have the perfect HM and that is because the wedding industry has built it up for money purposes. A HM can be whatever you want it to be (a 3 week vacation or a weekend in a nice hotel in your home town) and to build it up to be this epic and monumental thing is ridiculous because you will most likely be disappointed. A romantic vacation can be taken at any time when you can afford it. Are you really planning on never having another romantic vacation with your future H ever again and this will be your only time to ever do that? I doubt it.

And I know this has nothing to do with OP question, but since this is an open forum I thought I could comment on any aspect of the post. I also answered her specific question in my first post by stating that it really depends on the person. And honestly sending a text saying that she has something exciting to share is not invasive because it can easily be ignored by the receiver. And if the receiver gets butt hurt over getting a text on her vacation is a bit of an over reaction IMO because it is just a text that she can easily ignore. I doubt it will ruin her whole trip.

kerbohl · April 2013

In Response to Re: When to say I'm engaged:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When to say I'm engaged : And I understand that some brides wait till marriage to have sex. But that doesn't mean that their HM will be anymore special then those who don't wait and anything more then just a fun and romantic vacation. I think people put too much pressure to have the perfect HM and that is because the wedding industry has built it up for money purposes. A HM can be whatever you want it to be (a 3 week vacation or a weekend in a nice hotel in your home town) and to build it up to be this epic and monumental thing is ridiculous because you will most likely be disappointed. A romantic vacation can be taken at any time when you can afford it. Are you really planning on never having another romantic vacation with your future H ever again and this will be your only time to ever do that? I doubt it. And I know this has nothing to do with OP question, but since this is an open forum I thought I could comment on any aspect of the post. I also answered her specific question in my first post by stating that it really depends on the person. And honestly sending a text saying that she has something exciting to share is not invasive because it can easily be ignored by the receiver. And if the receiver gets butt hurt over getting a text on her vacation is a bit of an over reaction IMO because it is just a text that she can easily ignore. I doubt it will ruin her whole trip.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Okay, I understand now where you are coming from. I misunderstood and thought you said that people who see their HM as a unique vacation were just buying into the wedding industry hype, which is not how I see it. Sorry!

As long as OP, if she does chose to text, does not get offended if the text is completely ignored, things should be fine, as long as she doesn't send excessive texts as another PP mentioned she encountered.

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