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Snarky Brides
midgetp23
member
Very opinionated MIL
So I know its not common for MIL's to be excited that their son is getting married, I get that. However, my mother in law is diving me nuts! We get married in October and have been together for over 8 years, so Im used to dealing with her. But now her craziness is at an all time high surrounding details of our wedding. She wants to be involved in everything, and is trying to be more involved than my own mom.
My fiance and I already have the bulk of our wedding details decided, and we didnt involve her in our decisions because it is our day (and we are paying for it). She also has a bad habit of not filtering her comments, regardless of who/what it concerns. Its getting to the point where I get up in the morning and she has already sent me multiple emails with links to reception venues, caterers, florists and dresses. These are all things that are set and paid for but everytime I mention that that detail is already taken care of, she blows up and says that she was never told!
Ive tried to talk to her about how pushy/involved she is becoming and my fiance has talked to her too, but its getting to the point where I cannot tell her anything about our wedding because she has something negative to say about it. Im really trying to include her in things because she only has sons, none of the others whoa re even close to getting married bt its too taxing on me. I need some advice on how to go about telling her - in a nice way - that she is crazy! Haha, well, that she needs to calm down form her outbursts and just accept what we are doing. (Nothing out of the ordinary I might add is happening at our ceremony/reception). Thanks!!
My fiance and I already have the bulk of our wedding details decided, and we didnt involve her in our decisions because it is our day (and we are paying for it). She also has a bad habit of not filtering her comments, regardless of who/what it concerns. Its getting to the point where I get up in the morning and she has already sent me multiple emails with links to reception venues, caterers, florists and dresses. These are all things that are set and paid for but everytime I mention that that detail is already taken care of, she blows up and says that she was never told!
Ive tried to talk to her about how pushy/involved she is becoming and my fiance has talked to her too, but its getting to the point where I cannot tell her anything about our wedding because she has something negative to say about it. Im really trying to include her in things because she only has sons, none of the others whoa re even close to getting married bt its too taxing on me. I need some advice on how to go about telling her - in a nice way - that she is crazy! Haha, well, that she needs to calm down form her outbursts and just accept what we are doing. (Nothing out of the ordinary I might add is happening at our ceremony/reception). Thanks!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Very opinionated MIL
[QUOTE]So I know its not common for MIL's to be excited that their son is getting married, I get that. However, my mother in law is diving me nuts! We get married in October and have been together for over 8 years, so Im used to dealing with her. But now her craziness is at an all time high surrounding details of our wedding. She wants to be involved in everything, and is trying to be more involved than my own mom. My fiance and I already have the bulk of our wedding details decided, and we didnt involve her in our decisions because it is our day (and we are paying for it). She also has a bad habit of not filtering her comments, regardless of who/what it concerns. Its getting to the point where I get up in the morning and she has already sent me multiple emails with links to reception venues, caterers, florists and dresses. These are all things that are set and paid for but everytime I mention that that detail is already taken care of, she blows up and says that she was never told! Ive tried to talk to her about how pushy/involved she is becoming and my fiance has talked to her too, but its getting to the point where I cannot tell her anything about our wedding because she has something negative to say about it. Im really trying to include her in things because she only has sons, none of the others whoa re even close to getting married bt its too taxing on me. I need some advice on how to go about telling her - in a nice way - that she is crazy! Haha, well, that she needs to calm down form her outbursts and just accept what we are doing. (Nothing out of the ordinary I might add is happening at our ceremony/reception). Thanks!!
Posted by midgetp23[/QUOTE]
Good luck!
Posted by midgetp23[/QUOTE]
My MIL is never satisfied with anything, has only sons, got upset if we didn't choose her way on something even if we modified things based on her input (she was not paying), and the only "positive" thing she said about our wedding was "at least she (stepmom) didn't come." We tried to let her know what was going on early on with planning but quickly realized it was not worth the hassle. Instead, we answered questions when asked and did so as briefly as possible. Like you, I knew what I was getting into but was still surprised by some of the outbursts since I didn't think she'd care about those things. There was also an expectation that, after 8 years, our relationship would suddenly change dramatically when I went from son's girlfriend/FI to DIL. Thankfully DH and I are on the same page and just try to stay mostly on her good side in order to keep the peace with BILs.
It sounds like you and your FI are on the same page which is important. Let him take care of dealings with his mother. Since she wants to be super-involved, figure out what you don't care about much and let her handle those things. Keep wedding talk to a minimum and attempt to change the subject when it comes up.
You can always set up a filter or alternate "wedding" email address so you don't have to deal with wedding details every morning. When we were planning our wedding, MIL was suddenly insistant that DH give her my e-mail address. For my sanity, we created an e-mail address specifically for that and signing up for any wedding-related sites/mailing lists and DH set it to forward to himself in case I missed anything that was actually important. If she doesn't follow up on her e-mails but just feels the need to give you the info in them, creating a new e-mail and letting her know it's being used to keep all wedding stuff organized could be an option.
Planning/Married Biology
When we do talk about the decisions we have made its always 'we' 'us' or 'our.'
My fiance and I talked about giving her a task for our wedding so she feels involved, but after we told her that she had to host the rehersal dinner, it wasnt worth letting her do ANY details of our wedding. She is refusing to invite my grandparnts to the rehersal dinner because she feels they dont need to be there, but of course her parents are coming. Whatever!
And I like the bean dip convo haha. And I serisouly always try to change the topic whenever things come up. I just dont need negativity surrounding my big day!
[QUOTE]Thanks to all! When we do talk about the decisions we have made its always 'we' 'us' or 'our.' My fiance and I talked about giving her a task for our wedding so she feels involved, but after we told her that she had to host the rehersal dinner, it wasnt worth letting her do ANY details of our wedding. She is refusing to invite my grandparnts to the rehersal dinner because she feels they dont need to be there, but of course her parents are coming. Whatever! And I like the bean dip convo haha. And I serisouly always try to change the topic whenever things come up. I just dont need negativity surrounding my big day!
Posted by midgetp23[/QUOTE]
No one is obligated to host anything. Any offers from parents or other family members to help are gifts and should not be requested. She only does the rehearsal dinner if she offers to do so.
Planning/Married Biology