Snarky Brides

Not the typical bride.

My fiance and I are doing things a little backwards. He hasn't officially proposed (due to some unplanned money problems) but we know that we are going to be married and I don't need a ring to tell me that. However, I am really not enjoying the comments that are coming from other brides and people in the industry.  I went on my second bridal gown expedition today. Has anyone had one of those days that you feel like you sshould be really happy and excited but you aren't.  I thinnk I found the dress of my dreams today,  but I didn't feel as happy as I thhink I should.  There wasn't tears or giggles or anything like the first time. Life just isn't like "Say yes to the dress" I just need some bridal reassurance. 

Re: Not the typical bride.

  • If he hasn't asked, you aren't engaged. If you're untraditional, you could ask him.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_not-the-typical-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5b684e05-a8cb-41f0-9133-b47aa725fe12Post:0f477b85-a533-4ae5-a6f2-b4ee287860e9">Re: Not the typical bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]If he hasn't asked, you aren't engaged. If you're untraditional, you could ask him.
    Posted by dande2129[/QUOTE]

    I don't agree: I never asked my beloved, yet our big day is going to be on November 9th.  If <strong>candyqueen137</strong> loves him and he loves her and they know they are going to be wed, who says it has to be a formal question-and-answer proposal?

    Just my thoughts...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_not-the-typical-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5b684e05-a8cb-41f0-9133-b47aa725fe12Post:0f477b85-a533-4ae5-a6f2-b4ee287860e9">Re: Not the typical bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]If he hasn't asked, you aren't engaged. If you're untraditional, you could ask him.
    Posted by dande2129[/QUOTE]

    <div>If the couple decides to get married then they're engaged. They can always come to the decision together without the big proposal.</div>
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_not-the-typical-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5b684e05-a8cb-41f0-9133-b47aa725fe12Post:08fdeff5-9a35-4e39-acd6-86629c093319">Not the typical bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I are doing things a little backwards. He hasn't officially proposed (due to some unplanned money problems) but we know that we are going to be married and I don't need a ring to tell me that. However, I am really not enjoying the comments that are coming from other brides and people in the industry.  I went on my second bridal gown expedition today. Has anyone had one of those days that you feel like you sshould be really happy and excited but you aren't.  I thinnk I found the dress of my dreams today,  but I didn't feel as happy as I thhink I should.  There wasn't tears or giggles or anything like the first time. <strong>Life just isn't like "Say yes to the dress" </strong>I just need some bridal reassurance. 
    Posted by candyqueen137[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This is true!  I knew when I put on my dress that it was the "one".  But I wasn't emotional about it.  If anything, I was relieved.  Relieved I finally found something that looked great on me so I could stop the frustrating search and move on to other parts of wedding planning.  Good luck!

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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_not-the-typical-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5b684e05-a8cb-41f0-9133-b47aa725fe12Post:0f477b85-a533-4ae5-a6f2-b4ee287860e9">Re: Not the typical bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]If he hasn't asked, you aren't engaged. If you're untraditional, you could ask him.
    Posted by dande2129[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>This is a crock. If you have decided that you are going to get married then you are engaged. Saying you aren't engaged because he has not given you a ring is about as asinine as the idea if I'm NOT wearing my e-ring, I'm not engaged. A ring is a symbol, not a contract. </div>
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  • Yes, planning a wedding = engaged, regardless of a ring. If you're delivering an explanation of 'Well, I'm not engaged, but...' at bridal salons, I'm not surprised if you're getting funny looks. You're engaged because you're getting married. End of story.

    And not every bride cries when they find a dress. Honestly, the whole concept of THE dress is such a crock. There were several dresses I could have seen myself getting married in, and I'm sure I could find more if I went looking, even though I'm now married and not planning on doing it again, God forbid. You pick a dress that makes you feel gorgeous, and then you quit looking.
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  • missfrodomissfrodo member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_not-the-typical-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5b684e05-a8cb-41f0-9133-b47aa725fe12Post:08fdeff5-9a35-4e39-acd6-86629c093319">Not the typical bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I are doing things a little backwards. He hasn't officially proposed (due to some unplanned money problems) but we know that we are going to be married and I don't need a ring to tell me that. However,<strong> I am really not enjoying the comments that are coming from other brides and people in the industry</strong>.  I went on my second bridal gown expedition today. Has anyone had one of those days that you feel like you sshould be really happy and excited but you aren't.  I thinnk I found the dress of my dreams today,  but I didn't feel as happy as I thhink I should.  There wasn't tears or giggles or anything like the first time. Life just isn't like "Say yes to the dress" I just need some bridal reassurance. 
    Posted by candyqueen137[/QUOTE]

    <div>Are these comments because you don't have a ring?  Lots of people are engaged without a ring.  Do you have a date set?  Once you let vendors know your date, they should take you seriously. If not, find another vendor.  If you and FI agree that you are engaged to be married, then you are engaged to be married.  Congratulations, please stick around!  I've learned so much from the ladies on these boards.</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: They should take you seriously even without a date.</div>
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_not-the-typical-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5b684e05-a8cb-41f0-9133-b47aa725fe12Post:0f477b85-a533-4ae5-a6f2-b4ee287860e9">Re: Not the typical bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]If he hasn't asked, you aren't engaged. If you're untraditional, you could ask him.
    Posted by dande2129[/QUOTE]
    I guess I'm not married, then. My husband never asked. He "proposed" to me by changing our Facebook statuses to engaged one day. He didn't need to ask. We had talked about it and just always knew we would get married one day, and he was tired of waiting on me to find a ring I wanted so that he COULD ask. So he skipped that step, and I love our story. <div>
    </div><div>If a couple decides to get married and starts actively planning a wedding, they are engaged. </div><div>
    </div><div>OP, what kind of comments, and who is saying these things to you?</div><div>
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    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_not-the-typical-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5b684e05-a8cb-41f0-9133-b47aa725fe12Post:c002b70c-56fe-466d-9017-0e1b600c9b7f">Re: Not the typical bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not the typical bride. : I guess I'm not married, then. My husband never asked. He "proposed" to me by changing our Facebook statuses to engaged one day. He didn't need to ask. We had talked about it and just always knew we would get married one day, and he was tired of waiting on me to find a ring I wanted so that he COULD ask. So he skipped that step, and I love our story.  If a couple decides to get married and starts actively planning a wedding, they are engaged.  OP, what kind of comments, and who is saying these things to you?
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Cute story!

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  • I was reading an article that said that people in the wedding industry look at your engagement ring and if it looks big and expensive, automatically jack up the prices when you ask.  I can so see you getting snide comments and looks from people because you are sans ring, and it is completely uncalled for - ignore them!

    Also, I don't technically have an engagement ring right now.  If I was trying on dresses, I bet I would get some snide looks too.  Not everybody goes the traditional route, and you shouldn't be treated differently just because you don't  have your ring yet. 

    Lastly, I did not cry when I found the dress that I will be wearing, and I in fact kept looking until I decided that the first dress was the best option.  "Say Yes to the Dress" is really fun to watch, but it didn't happen that way for my sister, and it didn't happen that way for me.  Not crying over the dress when you buy it is no big deal, but you might cry when you see yourself all dolled up in it on your wedding day - and that's the cry that counts!

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_not-the-typical-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5b684e05-a8cb-41f0-9133-b47aa725fe12Post:652874d0-3dff-4fa6-8def-e1177e86dde9">Re: Not the typical bride.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not the typical bride. : Cute story!
    Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]
    Thank you!<div>
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    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • tlc35tlc35 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I shopped for dresses before I had my ring but we had already shopped for rings together and planned on getting married.  At one shop I felt they didn't take me seriously because I wasn't wearing a ring.  Well I ended up buying a dress that day from another store so their loss.
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  • Do you have a date yet? If not, then there's really no pressure in picking a dress today. If you didn't get excited about your dress, ask yourself, why am I picking this dress? If it's anything short of I look great, feel great, and can picture myself walking down the aisle in it, then it might not actually be your dress. I thought I found the dress, but wasn't as excited as I thought I needed to be. I stepped away, because I had the time, and went back a few months later. Tried it on, but a few others that I never thought of. That's when I found my dress. The tears, the emotion, the whole shebang. 

    If you have a date and venue booked, and it is time to find a dress, you can still take some time to step away. 

    If you have a date and are planning a wedding with your FI, then you are engaged. You don't need to justify why you don't have a ring to anyone. Or, go to Macy's and buy a cheap ring to make it easier. 
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • Sweetie, don't worry about what other people think - especially over something as silly as an e-ring.  You are planning your wedding with your fiancee.  If vendors don't appreciate that...then spend your money with someone else!
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  • I don't get this.  If the ring isn't important for someone to be engaged, then why are you waiting for it to consider yourself engaged?  That's a little...doublethink-y.  To me, there should be a proposal to be engaged.  Not necessarily a down on your knee, romantic moment, but a moment where you literally agree that you are now actively planning your wedding, as opposed to just talking about it.  Until then, sorry, but I don't think you should be planning anything.

    My FI and I agreed we wanted to marry eachother years ago, but we were not engaged until he asked me, regardless of the fact that there was a ring involved.
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    Previously Alaynajuliana


  • I bought my dress before we were engaged.  The ladies in the bridal saloons just kind of ignored me, so I just started walking around pulling dress myself.  That got their attention.  People are going to be mean about it, they have a lot of people playing dress up.  Make sure you bring mom or someone important no just friends so they get that you are for real.  If you feel engaged you are engaged.  Times are hard and money is tight, don't let that stop you from love
  • Why do you need to feel happy and reassured about YOUR LIFE with your husband while dress shopping? It's a dress. You'll never wear it again (not even for a Halloween party). Your priorities seem skewed. What matters is your marriage with your guy. That's like 40 something years until One of you croaks. Dress shopping is a weekend max. Who cares if dress shop bitches be hating. If you don't like it, walk away. But if they get you all upset inside, it's not them. It's your insecurities about your own future. Talk it out with your man.
  • Life is not say yes to the dress.  The show is slightly scripted, the producers purposely choose specific inidividuals who are most likely to be reactive (emotionally and pull the audience in). To put it into perspective, in the 40's it was a lot more common for a woman would buy a nice dress (not necessarily bridal) and get married surrounded by a few close friends for a small dinner following often her main jewellery just being a simple gold wedding band. Keep focus on your relationship as a whole not a peice of jewellery and your marriage will be solid.

  • In Response to Re: Not the typical bride.:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not the typical bride. : I guess I'm not married, then. My husband never asked. He "proposed" to me by changing our Facebook statuses to engaged one day. He didn't need to ask. We had talked about it and just always knew we would get married one day, and he was tired of waiting on me to find a ring I wanted so that he COULD ask. So he skipped that step, and I love our story.  If a couple decides to get married and starts actively planning a wedding, they are engaged.  OP, what kind of comments, and who is saying these things to you?
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!! My FI never really asked either. Had me open my gift on Christmas Eve, told me how much he loved me and hopes I liked it bc my 4 yr old helped pick it out. he never said "will you marry me". so maybe bc he never proposed I'm not engaged either?? Uh oh gotta break the news to FI ;-)
  • Addie my FI did the same thing! Lol
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Just to play devil's advocate here, a lot of women probably go into bridal salons just for a mini-PPD. That's why many won't let you take pictures of yourself. Like others have said, just be clear that you are engaged.



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