Would you be uncomfortable?

PaganJenny · May 2013

Many people have prayers and incorporate Christian, Jewish, or around my area, East Indian cultural traditions into their wedding and it's fine and considered normal.

I'm planning on having a Pagan handfasting, and casting a circle will be part of it. I don't want it to be super heavily ritualized, more subtle.

My problem is that I'm worried some people might be uncomfortable, with there still being ignorance everywhere about my religion. People still think that Pagans worship the devil (accusing a Pagan of worshipping the devil is like accusing an Atheist of worshipping God...we simply don't believe in him).

I'm wondering how to handle any guests who are uncomfortable?

Many of my guests are of different ethnicities and have different religions (Native Canadian, East Indian, caucasian, Christian, spiritual, muslim) but I'm literally the only Pagan that's going to be there. My FI is completely on board with having a handfasting but I haven't brought up casting a circle yet, we still have so much time to plan.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2013

I'm a Catholic, and I would be not offended by or uncomfortable with it, but I'm enough of a nerd to want to know what's going on and what it means and where the tradition comes from; if you're doing programs, it might be a good place to explain what the handfasting means. I think the point of attending a religious wedding, of any religious persuasion, is to celebrate your friends' love and their commitment, however that ceremony takes place. I think most people just want to know what's going on and how they should, or should not, participate.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Most people honestly wouldn't mind in this day and age. However, if you are truely worried, there are several options. The first is that circles don't have an expiration time. If you would like to cast is before the guests arrive, that would keep it intimate and non judgemental for you and FI. The second is to adhere to traditional handfasting. Handfasting is an engagement ritual, not a wedding one. It can be used in a private ceremony prior to the wedding. Honestly though, people are so used to seeing the modern Christian wedding version that I wouldn't expect the handfasting part to raise any eyebrows.

missfrodo · May 2013

I think I would be more curious about it than anything, just like at other religious ceremonies I attend. Will your officiant explain what is going on as it happens, and the significance? If not, this might be an instance where a small printed program would be helpful to unfamiliar guests. You could list an order of ceremony events, followed by a brief explanation of their significance/meaning. It doesn't have to be a novel, just one or two sentences so guests don't feel lost. I would find this helpful at any religious ceremony I'm unfamilar with, be it Catholic, Jewish, Pagan, etc.

AddieCake · May 2013

I agree with MissFrodo. I wouldn't be offended at all, but I'd like to know what was happening and why.

gottahavashorti · May 2013

In Response to Re: Would you be uncomfortable?:
[QUOTE]I think I would be more curious about it than anything, just like at other religious ceremonies I attend. Will your officiant explain what is going on as it happens, and the significance? If not, this might be an instance where a small printed program would be helpful to unfamiliar guests. You could list an order of ceremony events, followed by a brief explanation of their significance/meaning. It doesn't have to be a novel, just one or two sentences so guests don't feel lost. I would find this helpful at any religious ceremony I'm unfamilar with, be it Catholic, Jewish, Pagan, etc.
Posted by missfrodo[/QUOTE]

This, particularly if it involves any guest participation. Pretty clear instructions and brief explanations are very useful for weddings with a particular order of events that guests may not be familiar with, such as Catholic wedding masses that involve a series of standing, kneeling, prayers, and knowing whether to abstain from Communion.

MoxieMickie · May 2013

I would be no more uncomfortable at a Pagan ceremony than I would be at a ceremony of any other religion or a ceremony that included the couple's atheist beliefs. But, I would not be thrilled at any ceremony if the couple wanted me to participate actively in a ritual for their beliefs. You might consider having a smaller group do the casting circle as Stage suggested.

renegade gaucho · May 2013

In Response to Re: Would you be uncomfortable?:
[QUOTE]I am a 62 year old Protestant Christian (United Methodist). I am never uncomfortable at any religious ceremonies. I am uncomfortable if the ceremony directly insults my religion, as there was a question recently about an "atheist" wedding. Civil ceremonies are fine, too, but I would be insulted if any part of the ceremony disrespected another religion. Pagan ceremonies do not do that, so I would be fine. I would stand out of respect when it was time to stand, but I would be silent during the ceremony. I hope this would be acceptable?
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

How on earth is an atheist wedding ceremony inherently insulting to your religion?

renegade gaucho · May 2013

And why are people putting "atheist" in quotes?

renegade gaucho · May 2013

Just realized I never answered OP's question. I wouldn't worry about guests being uncomfortable. If this is part of your faith and you want to incorporate it, you shouldn't let other people's ignorance stand in the way. I agree that putting a brief explanation of the ritual in your programs would be a good idea for those who aren't familiar with it.

AllieBear725 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Would you be uncomfortable?:
[QUOTE]I am a 62 year old Protestant Christian (United Methodist). I am never uncomfortable at any religious ceremonies. I am uncomfortable if the ceremony directly insults my religion, as there was a question recently about an "atheist" wedding. Civil ceremonies are fine, too, but I would be insulted if any part of the ceremony disrespected another religion. Pagan ceremonies do not do that, so I would be fine. I would stand out of respect when it was time to stand, but I would be silent during the ceremony. I hope this would be acceptable?
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
This is very well said.

s-aries8990 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Would you be uncomfortable?:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would you be uncomfortable? : I'm also interested in this, although aside from the poster that mentioned something about an "atheist" ceremony that goes out of its way to deny the existence of any god, I have never heard or seen of such a thing. But I'm interested in how a ceremony that recognizes a lack of a god is different than a ceremony that recognizes a different god.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I'm genuinely curious about how a ceremony would do this.

I mean, I fully understand emphasizing the responsiblity of us, as humans, to take care of things, but how would you work in "There is no God"? Hmmm...

OP, I would only be uncomfortable if I was asked to partake in a ritual that I didn't undertand. Will you have programs? Maybe you can place a note under each unfamiliar part of the ceremony - like the handfasting note can be as simple as:

The handfasting
A centuries old ritual binding two people using a cord/rope/ribbon. The "prayer" and the "fasting" (does this thing, like binds their souls/brings them closer together/marries them in the eyes of the earth)

**I have only seen a handfasting on TV, so I may be completely wrong, but I was trying to point out that you only need 1-2 sentences to show significance while still being subtle about it*** (and if you don't want to be subtle, you don't have to )

Jen4948 · May 2013

I wouldn't be uncomfortable, but I would like to know what's going on and the significance of what I'm seeing and hearing so I can appreciate it better.

harper0813 · May 2013

I would not be uncomfortable. In fact, I would be very interested, especially if you included a blurb explaining the rituals in the program.

The only things that I find uncomfortable at weddings are when they mention divorce, death (with the exception of "'til death do us part") or babymaking excessively.

renegade gaucho · May 2013

Is this the other post that you and CMGr are talking about?

"Just do a non-athiest wedding, but when god is mentioned the speaker should use air quotes or take a sarcastic tone. Replace religious hymes with Dust in the Wind. That sounds kind of hilarious."

Because I'm pretty sure that person was joking, and I highly doubt any atheist ceremony has ever been conducted in this manner.

Calypso1977 · May 2013

i wouldnt be, but i would aslo choose not to participate in the ceremony/rituals. but i also do not worship/participate in religious services/weddings that are not Catholic, as i am a practicing catholic.

i think as others said a program with explanations abotu each part and the significance would be nice, and no one should feel forced or obligated to enter this circle thing or have involvement in any rituals.

Would you be uncomfortable?

Re: Would you be uncomfortable?

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