Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate

jillsky2280 · May 2013

Hi everyone,

I am the MOH in my best friend's wedding in August. She lives in Chicago but the wedding is in Massachusetts where we are from.

Here's a little backstory on the situation. Bride orignally picked a dress that was not a typical bridesmaid dress and this dress cost $400. A few family members pushed back saying it was a little expensive. A relative of the bride found someone who would custom make a dress similar to original for half the price. The custom made dress just came in the bride doesn't like it.

She wanted us to purchase the original dress but thankfully that dress was no longer available. The new dress is totally inappropriate in my opinion for a church wedding. Actually I think the dress is completely inappropriate for almost any occassion.

How can I without completely offending the bride tell her that I think the dress is inappropriate and I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing it?

msuprincess04 · May 2013

Is there any way to alter it so that it is less offensive?

She's one of your best friend. You can be honest and tell her you aren't comfortable wearing it. But, maybe also show some alternatives that are available. She should have asked you for your budget before she picked a dress, but since she didn't, you may want to let her know you can only spend x amount on a new dress.

jillsky2280 · May 2013

This is the dress and she wants us to the get the pink one. Oh we are wearing green shoes too!

http://www.missesdressy.com/dresses/designers/princess-collection-by-party-time/2644#

itzMS · May 2013

I would tell her you're not comfortable wearing that dress. It is so hideous and cheap looking!

Suggest something else. Quick.

Either of these in Pink??
http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Crinkle-Chiffon-High-Low-Halter-Dress-F15417_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Shop-By-Color

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-Strapless-Dress-with-Sequin-Bodice-F15419_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Shop-By-Color

Maybe?
http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Beaded-Halter-Prom-Dress-with-Ruched-Detail-55331D_Special-Occasions-Shop-By-Occasion-Formal-Long-Dresses

Maggie0829 · May 2013

Oh my. That is one interesting dress. And it is worth almost $400? Um, ok.

Why not show her this option? http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-Strapless-Dress-with-Sequin-Bodice-F15419_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

Now I am not saying this dress is great by any means but at least it is a little more subdued then the one she wants. The price is a lot less and it still has the sparkle that she must like.

But I would find a few different options that incorporate some aspect of the dress she picked but at a price point that you all can afford. A compromise is definitely needed.

daria24 · May 2013

1. I would tell her what you are willing to spend, and be very clear you cannot pay more than that number

2. I wouldn't say "this is inappropriate for Church" (even though it is) just because I can see it coming across as holier than thou. Instead I would say "I would feel too uncomfortable sporting such deep cleavage/with a hemline that short, etc.

3. Find a few few links of something similar as a suggestion.

kmbryant2413 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate:
[QUOTE]This is the dress and she wants us to the get the pink one. Oh we are wearing green shoes too! http://www.missesdressy.com/dresses/designers/princess-collection-by-party-time/2644#
Posted by jillsky2280[/QUOTE]

...Woah.

s-aries8990 · May 2013

I particularly like this one.

http://www.missesdressy.com/dresses/designers/jovani/jovani-cocktail/73020

Mostly because they made her belly-button-less. Like Kyle XY's sister.

thecatm · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate:
[QUOTE]This is the dress and she wants us to the get the pink one. Oh we are wearing green shoes too! http://www.missesdressy.com/dresses/designers/princess-collection-by-party-time/2644#
Posted by jillsky2280[/QUOTE]

wow, i'm sorry...i just choked on my water lol thats serious.

kmbryant2413 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate:
[QUOTE]I particularly like this one. http://www.missesdressy.com/dresses/designers/jovani/jovani-cocktail/73020 Mostly because they made her belly-button-less. Like Kyle XY's sister.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

That's creepy and poorly done. What the eff. All those dresses just seem trashy IMO. I like that the plus-size link Stage posted was just.. normal. So plus is is size 4?

winelover123 · May 2013

Oh dear God. I wouldn't wear that dress. It's much too short and has too much cleavage showing for one dress. I'd put the focus on the fact that it's out of your price range and you aren't comfortable wearing it.

mc4dj13 · May 2013

Oh Lord-that dress is out there. I think it is only appropriate if you were getting married on DWTS. I know someone who's mother wore something like that when her daughter got married. The point of Bridesmaid dresses are to compliment but not overshadow the bride. I wonder what the bride wants her dress to look like...

And Stage- what does the dresses being Plus Size have to do with entertainment value?

MsYeck · May 2013

I gotta ask is this for a chapel in Vegas or what? It gives off a stripper/streetwalker/showgirl vibe to me but maybe(?) that is what she is going for? I don't blame you for not wanting to wear it. Are their any plus-size girls? No chubby girl like myself would want to wear something that clingy

bunni727 · May 2013

I think this is my favorite out of the "plus size" collection. It's just too bad it isn't in a neon color. http://www.missesdressy.com/dresses/designers/allure/nightmoves-by-allure/6685_2

OP, daria's right. Tell bride your budget, that yyou wouldn't feel comfortable in that dress, and offer other suggestions.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

I just hurt myself laughing. I think I need legal counsel or something for the pain and suffering that website has brought me.

aRachel21 · May 2013

is this a website for ice skating costumes??

tammym1001 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate:
[QUOTE]This is the dress and she wants us to the get the pink one. Oh we are wearing green shoes too! http://www.missesdressy.com/dresses/designers/princess-collection-by-party-time/2644#
Posted by jillsky2280[/QUOTE]

Wow! Just..... no. That's all I have.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate:
[QUOTE]This is the dress and she wants us to the get the pink one. Oh we are wearing green shoes too! http://www.missesdressy.com/dresses/designers/princess-collection-by-party-time/2644#
Posted by jillsky2280[/QUOTE]

....Holy Mother of God. I spit coffee all over my screen looking at that. Is the theme of this wedding "cheap and trashy/a tacky knock-off of DWTS/the bride's a former pageant queen"?

Actually, none of that matters. Just straight up tell her, "Bride, you're one of my dearest friends, and I can't wait for your wedding, but I cannot afford to spend almost $400 on ANOTHER dress, after spending $200 on the first dress you made us buy. I'm sorry. You need to find something in a reasonable price range." And if you can get the other BMs to have this conversation with her, intervention-style, so much the better.

I've been a bridesmaid five times, and one of my friends (the bride) had us buy dresses, have them altered, and then decided she didn't like them and wanted another color. The other BM and I nicely told her, "Sweetie, you get one dress per wedding. That's it. You picked this, we bought it, we had it altered, and that's what we're wearing to your wedding. If you no longer like this dress, then that's fine, but understand that we're not going to be in your wedding if you ask us to buy another $200+ dress."

mrsdelbow2013 · May 2013

Reminds me of the getups those gypsy princesses wear on those gypsy shows~dancing like a "lady of the night" in a club, at a wedding...haha

banana468 · May 2013

Ditto the others.

Be honest with how you feel about being in the dress. Avoid absolutes and comments about WTF she was thinking (but really - WTF was she thinking?!).

Instead, focus on why you won't be wearing it.

artbyallie · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate:
[QUOTE]Reminds me of the getups those gypsy princesses wear on those gypsy shows~dancing like a "lady of the night" in a club, at a wedding...haha
Posted by mrsdelbow2013[/QUOTE]

This was my thought too. Is the bride a Traveller?

aRachel21 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate:
[QUOTE]aRachel, I was a figure skater, and any coach would haul her skater off the ice and lock her in the dressing room rather than let her into a competition wearing THAT!
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

HAHA. I know, those dresses are too ugly to wear in any situation... but all those sequins and netting reminded me of ice skaters!

Kate61487 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate:
[QUOTE]And Stage- what does the dresses being Plus Size have to do with entertainment value?
Posted by mc4dj13[/QUOTE]

I think it's just the fact that the page was particularly awful, not that they're plus size.

When I clicked on 'all bridesmaid' honestly the site has some not bad stuff; OP's friend must have worked pretty hard to find such an awful dress.

http://www.missesdressy.com/dresses/all-bridesmaids-dresses

kerbohl · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate:
[QUOTE]Oh Lord-that dress is out there. I think it is only appropriate if you were getting married on DWTS. I know someone who's mother wore something like that when her daughter got married. The point of Bridesmaid dresses are to compliment but not overshadow the bride. I wonder what the bride wants her dress to look like... And Stage- what does the dresses being Plus Size have to do with entertainment value?
Posted by mc4dj13[/QUOTE]

I think that the entertainment value is that none of those dresses were remotely plus-sized. It's like this site is an offshoot of Abercrombie and Finch, who do not actually have plus-sized clothing.

Is it possible to alter the dress that she has had made in a small enough price-point to make it more appropriate?

jillsky2280 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's Dress not appropriate:
[QUOTE]It's hideous and way too expensive. Sure hope your friend doesn't ever come on this website since you just posted the exact dress and all the info. Pretty brave. Also, I thought this whole thread seemed familiar and looked back and in January you had links to similarly terrible dresses and virtually the same complaints. Back then the dress was going to cost $300. Everyone told you to tell the bride your budget. I take it you did not do that in the ensuing months?
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

Yes everyone told me to tell the bride my budget but my budget was never the issue. If she picked a dress I loved and it was the same price I wouldn't have an issue spending that much money on a dress.

gottahavashorti · May 2013

Tell her you're not comfortable with the dress. If she won't change it, request to have it altered to at least make it less skin bearing. Or just decline. Her wedding party pictures will be full of people who look uncomfortable or are giggling due to feeling ridiculous.

RaptorSLH · May 2013

Yeah, I'm plus size, and yes, there are flattering dresses that make plus size women look sexy. Those are not them.

jillsky2280 · May 2013

Hey ladies ...Bride called me last night and said her cousin and godmother went to try on the dress and it was definitely too revealing so it's out! Wohoo!

KnotIrene · May 2013

Please, just please.

You know what I mean...Let's not go there again. Please go have a great weekend.

Thank you.

jillsky2280 · May 2013

Bridesmaid's dress has finally been picked and its gorgeous. Its Alfred Angelo style 6455 in fuchsia. We added a beaded belt to it. So glad the dress drama is over. Thanks for everyone's help.

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