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August 2012 Weddings

Guests who don't give a gift?

I'm officially a married woman (8/4/12)! Whoo hoo! My husband and I are in the process of starting thank you notes now that we've returned from our honeymoon. We have a hand full of guests that didn't give us anything at the wedding (no card, gift, etc.) and don't know what to do with these guests (one of these people includes my new sister-in-law!). Do we confront them or even send them a thank you for attending the day? I think it's pretty bold that someone would do this and have found it hurtful. Is there is proper way to let them know?
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Re: Guests who don't give a gift?

  • mtishawt is spot on with her advice.  Congrats on the marriage and enjoy married life!
  • edited August 2012
    albionbrits.... I'm with you.  We too got married on 8-4-12 and 6 or so of our guests did NOT give a card.  By no means, did we expect gifts as we are both extremely well off in life and we did not even register for gifts because we've owned our home for the past 3 years and it is fully furnished etc.

    But I find it hard to believe that people dont even give a card!  A freakin card!  I'm just still trying to grasp that.  I always give cards for every event and I am at a loss for words for my guests who came to our wedding and did not give us a congrats card.  Wow!

    But I am going to send them a thank you card... because I feel that every guest who attended your wedding should receive one. 
  • When my sister got married, there were a few that did not give anything.  The ones that my mom knew in our family, she actually called because she just felt it was very unlike the people to do that and wanted to make sure it wasn't lost.  Both people she called did have cards for my sister, but had forgotten to leave them and either didn't realize they were stuck in their purse, or just hadn't mailed them yet.  So, if you suspect the person is not the type to do that, you may want to have a friend or relative gently ask them to ensure nothing was lost (and that they don't have to stop pay on a lost check).  Or, you could write them a thank you for attending and don't mention any gift.  If someone didn't make mention of a gift I gave, I would probably contact them and say, "you got my card with $, right?"  Perhaps someone will ask you if they did give and it was lost in the shuffle...
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  • The reception is the thank you for attending. As PP have said gifts are not required and neither are cards. We will be sending thank you notes to guests that travelled across the country to attend the wedding even those that did not give gifts.

    August 2012 - Married! Follow Me on Pinterest
  • In Response to Re: Guests who don't give a gift?:
    [QUOTE]So to answer your questions: Don't confront them. No need to send them a thank you and no, there is no proper way to let them know. I'm crossing my fingers that you get lots of mail soon !
    Posted by mtishawt[/QUOTE]

    This exactly. Plus technically you have a year to give someone a wedding gift.

    And congratulations!
    Married my love 8-25-12 TTC #1 since September 2012. BFP 2-2-13. photo 455d4bc3-3623-4c16-8dd1-1fbc7e99e147.jpg BabyFruit Ticker My BFP Chart
  • I would send all the guests a thank you -- even if it is just a 'thank you for attending'.  I sent a 'thank you for the x shower gift' note, and had a guest call me to check that i also got gift Y, since it was supposed to be included as well. she just wanted to make sure she didn't accidentally forget it.

    so while you don't want to call a guest out for not bringing a gift or card, a nice 'thank you for joining us' might jog their memory if they left the card in their purse, etc. =)  also, it IS nice that they took the time to spend the day celebrating with you...so I think that warrants enough of a reason to send a thank you.
  • Ditto the others!  Wedding gifts are not mantadory, and you already did thank her for coming with your reception that you hosted!  No need to write anything out.

    On a side note: she does have a few months to get you a gift per etiquette rules.
  • I'm totally on the same page about the cards, because I LOVE reading them!  Wedding cards are so sweet, and filled with love!  We didn't receive gifts or cards from quite a few guests (I'd say 15-20ish) and almost all of them are my husband's college friends.  Hurts my feelings, but oh well...
  • I got married on 8/10 on honeymoon now hehe but from before we left we went through to put things in banks and have a list so I can start thank you when we get back. I did notice I didn't get a card from my godmother, but she told my mom she forgot it on the table, understandable so her husband has been having heart problems. So that we know of at least 2 people just spaced and forgot cards. So I'd give it a bit of time and maybe send a thank you for attending. Congrats!
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  • We just got married in March. We had a small wedding about 50 people and most of the people had to fly to attend. We weren't expecting any gifts because everyone had to pay to travel, but we were disappointed that we didn't get any congrats. cards from some of our closest friends and family. We did get about 6 cards total. We didn't even get one from my half brother or sister. And my best friends didn't leave one. It just hurt our feelings. Plus barely anyone signed the guestbook. We just wanted some nice notes to read and look back on. Not gifts. We did send thank you cards to everyone who came. We are happy that everyone could make it to celebrate our special day. I would't feel comfortable asking them and we know gifts are optional, but a card would be nice when we had such an intimate wedding with the closest people in our lives. 
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