Can I kick my MOH out?

arrippa · May 2013

Now, before you jump all over me for a friendship ending move, my MOH has a son that I was the Godmother for. His birthday was a few days ago and I bought him a toy that my nephew loves (he is the same age) that was around the $25.00 mark. Well, another friend of theirs bought him a present that was more money (she actually said that to me). MOH told me that she is very hurt by the lack of thought (or money) that went into my present and wanted to make the other friend Godmother instead of me.

She knows that I am planning a wedding so my money is tied up in that. But I am so hurt and I am doing all I can not to cry at work right now. I think kicking me off as Godmother is a friendship ending move. I just don't think I want her in my life at all. Can I remove her from my wedding? Am I being to sensitive? Thoughts?

lyndausvi · May 2013

People do that?

misssunshine17 · May 2013

You're no longer a child's godmother because you didn't spend enough on a gift. Yeah, screw that girl. Yes, it's a friendship ending move, but that sounds like a step in the right direction for you.

kaos16 · May 2013

Godmother in a catholic church, as in the child was baptized? I feel like there are rules to that, and documentation as to who the godparents are. There are usually religious requirements, etc. As such, I don't believe you can just remove someone as godmother and throw someone else in.

shaylagirl · May 2013

I'm not religious, but I thought Godparents were established in some kind of formal ceremony before the church. How does one go about "reversing" a Godparent?

Maggie0829 · May 2013

She sounds like a peach. Honestly if how much money a person spends on her child is her determining factor on who his Godmother is is any determination of who she is as a person you sound better off without her as a friend.

But wedding wise she hasn't really done anything that constitutes you kicking her out of your WP. I would keep her as MOH and once the wedding is over with slowly remove yourself from her life because it doesn't really sound like she cares about your friendship only the money you can spend on her son.

ETA: Are you officially his Godmother already? Like you were there for the baptizim? I would think dethroning you as Godmother isn't something easily done, is it?

arrippa · May 2013

In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out?:
[QUOTE]People do that?
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
She framed that I live in Boston and they live in Cali and she was concerned how often I would see him. Of course, she asked me to be his Godmother while I was living in Boston, so she knew I would be living across the country. Some of my coworkers think this is why she wanted to change Godmothers and I might be overreacting.

ETA-This is more of a legal thing (as in if they die, it's in their will that I would get him). They are not religious at all.

wittykitty14 · May 2013

How can she "switch" godparents? That's not exactly how it works.

Normally, I'd say no, don't kick anyone out of the WP, unless you're ready for the relationship to be over. But in your case, I'd want to kick her out too. Wanting to "remove you" as the godmother is worse, in my opinion. All because you couldn't afford a more expensive gift? To me, THAT is the real friendship ending move. In time though, she might realize she was wrong to consider doing this to you.

I don't know what else to say, except that I'm sorry you're in this situation. I suggest thinking this over for a bit, and not to make a decision until you've really had some time to think.

Maggie0829 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out?:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out? : She framed that I live in Boston and they live in Cali and she was concerned how often I would see him. Of course, she asked me to be his Godmother while I was living in Boston, so she knew I would be living across the country. Some of my coworkers think this is why she wanted to change Godmothers and I might be overreacting .
Posted by moemacWed30594[/QUOTE]

That is still a crappy reason when deciding on a Godparent. A lot more needs to be taken into account then the money spent or the proximity of the Godparent.

QueerFemme · May 2013

Do you want to end your friendship with her? If the answer is yes, then kick her out. If the answer is no, and you still want to be friends, then call her up and have a conversation about how hurt your feelings are.

It's called adult communication. try it.

wittykitty14 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out?:
[QUOTE]She sounds like a peach. Honestly if how much money a person spends on her child is her determining factor on who his Godmother is is any determination of who she is as a person you sound better off without her as a friend. But wedding wise she hasn't really done anything that constitutes you kicking her out of your WP. I would keep her as MOH and once the wedding is over with slowly remove yourself from her life because it doesn't really sound like she cares about your friendship only the money you can spend on her son. ETA: Are you officially his Godmother already? Like you were there for the baptizim? I would think dethroning you as Godmother isn't something easily done, is it?
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

How much longer until your wedding, OP? I really like Maggie's suggestion, if you can wait until then.

MuppetFan · May 2013

Do you want to end your friendship? If so, go ahead.

However, I imagine something made you close enough to have her as your MOH and to be her godmother. I would think that's at least worth a phone call to understand why she feels that money means more than friendship. or if she's just having a rotten day.

When I was in my best friend's wedding, she told me I was ruining her wedding by giving the rest of the bridal party a command. All I did was upon HER request, (she doesn't do e-mail), let them know which shoe she wanted us to order, where to get it, and I even added some coupon codes. She hurt me very much the way she yelled at me and I felt like withdrawing from the wedding. But, She's not normally like that. I waited a few days before telling her how she made me feel and she sincerely apologized and we're still best friends.

CLoGreenEyes · May 2013

OP, I feel like just kicking her out of the wedding party would be more of a retaliation and not really accomplish much beyond pissing both of you off ("I'm not his godmother anymore? Well you're not my MOH anymore!" with mean faces and stuck-out tongues and all).

I definitely think it was a shallow, ridiculous, and hurtful thing to do to change who her son's godmother is based on who spent more money on a gift. That deserves more than an act of revenge, as kicking her out of her role seems to be. I agree with cmgilpin that telling her how you feel and why you are hurt makes the most sense: "I am really angry and hurt that you made this decision over a dollar amount spent on a child's gift. I feel like you don't even want us to be a part of each other's lives anymore. Can we talk about that?" Even if neither of you is interested in saving the friendship at this point, I can't see how a conversation could hurt anything, whereas by just kicking her out with no explanation you are inviting a lifetime of animosity between you two.

daria24 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out?:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out? : She framed that I live in Boston and they live in Cali and she was concerned how often I would see him. Of course, she asked me to be his Godmother while I was living in Boston, so she knew I would be living across the country. Some of my coworkers think this is why she wanted to change Godmothers and I might be overreacting. ETA-This is more of a legal thing (as in if they die, it's in their will that I would get him). They are not religious at all.
Posted by moemacWed30594[/QUOTE]

...

So she is choosing the potential future legal guardian of her child based on birthday gifts? She sounds like a peach. Also, it annoys me when people use the term 'godparent' when they aren't referring to the religious role.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out?:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out? : ... So she is choosing the potential future legal guardian of her child based on birthday gifts? She sounds like a peach. Also, it annoys me when people use the term 'godparent' when they aren't referring to the religious role.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

This. You're not a "godparent" unless you were present at the child's baptism, in a church where infant baptism is a sacrament, with a priest or minister. Being a child's legal guardian is a totally separate issue. Unless the parents name the godparents as the legal guardians, they won't be the guardians in the event of something happening to the parents. My godparents (I'm Catholic), btw, were *NOT* named as my legal guardians in my parents' wills in the case of something happening to them -- close relatives were.

That said, I agree with PPs. Call her up and have an adult conversation with her. But don't kick her out over this; it's too tit-for-tat petty.

harper0813 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out?:
[QUOTE]No, you still cannot kick her out of the wedding. You can, however, tell her that her actions have destroyed your friendship and you do not want her in your life anymore. Then the whole "you aren't in my wedding" is sort of a moot point.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I second this.

arrippa · May 2013

Thanks for all your posts. You have given me some thing to think about. My wedding isn't until Oct so I have some time. While I know that I need to have a conversation with her, I am still too hurt to say something right now. My kicking her out is a knee jerk reaction to her email about the situation.

I apologize if I offended anyone by saying Godparent when I should have said legal guardian.

jemmini6 · May 2013

I would have a heart to heart with her about this. Perhaps you are misinterpreting her reasoning? It's always best to find out directly from the source than to make rash decisions that will affect your relationship with her.

On the other hand, if she tells you flat out that she is choosing different godparents/guardians solely based on the fact that you bought a less expensive birthday gift, then I would probably end that friendship too.

erinlin25 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out?:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I kick my MOH out? : She framed that I live in Boston and they live in Cali and she was concerned how often I would see him. Of course, she asked me to be his Godmother while I was living in Boston, so she knew I would be living across the country. Some of my coworkers think this is why she wanted to change Godmothers and I might be overreacting. ETA-This is more of a legal thing (as in if they die, it's in their will that I would get him). They are not religious at all.
Posted by moemacWed30594[/QUOTE]

she is a biatch-- and if its a legal thing, not a religious thing then you technically are not a godparent officially, so she can change it... but its pretty shady of her to change it because you did not spend enough. My god parents live in North Carolina (I live is CA). NBD. They sent me fun socks every year for christmas, and a card on my birthday. Did I cry, no-- I looked forward to my crazy socks every year!

She is crazy and is a horrible friend. So you might as well end the friendship since she obviously does not care about it herself. Talk to her; Give her an opportunity to know you are upset. Fight it out and if she does not think she is wrong, then yes I would drop her as a friend and MOH. She does not deserve you as a friend, so its her loss.

Can I kick my MOH out?

Re: Can I kick my MOH out?

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