MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL

MrsHarris0514_22978011 · May 2013

I am wondering what to serve at our reception. We both have fairly large families and we want to stay within a reasonable amount conserving food, beverages and desserts. We are blessed to have great cooks, bakers, and chefs all bundled up within both families. Just trying to figure out "What's For Dinner???"

Any ideas.....?

MyNameIsNot · May 2013

In Response to MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:
[QUOTE]I am wondering what to serve at our reception. We both have fairly large families and we want to stay within a reasonable amount conserving food, beverages and desserts. We are blessed to have great cooks, bakers, and chefs all bundled up within both families. Just trying to figure out "What's For Dinner???" Any ideas.....?
Posted by MrsHarris0514[/QUOTE]

Talk to your caterer. They will know how to plan enough food to fit your guest list and budget.

Do not ask your family to cater your wedding. That's inappropriate.

QueerFemme · May 2013

Consider bbq, mexican or pasta. They are all budget friendly options. Don't ask your family to cater your wedding. In addition to it being rude, its food poisoning waiting to happen. Feeding that many people is a nightmare for someone that doesn't have the equipment to keep food at proper temps.

MrsHarris0514_22978011 · May 2013

In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:
[QUOTE]In Response to MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL : Talk to your caterer. They will know how to plan enough food to fit your guest list and budget. Do not ask your family to cater your wedding. That's inappropriate.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Its a family tradition! For as far as we can remember, the mother of the bride and family prepared the meal for the reception. So as far as it being inappropriate, it isn't by any means.

MrsHarris0514_22978011 · May 2013

In Response to Re:MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:
[QUOTE]Consider bbq, mexican or pasta. They are all budget friendly options. Don't ask your family to cater your wedding. In addition to it being rude, its food poisoning waiting to happen. Feeding that many people is a nightmare for someone that doesn't have the equipment to keep food at proper temps.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

As I stated before, I have a Chef in my family. She has a business and has catered several events all around our city. Trust me, I am well aware of food poisoning & cross contamination. Hence, the reason for using her business as the preparation location. My question was what should be on the menu no the location of the of where the meal is prepared. Its has been a tradition for the mother of the bride and family to cook for the wedding for as far back as my family can be traced, so inappropriate.

Jen4948 · May 2013

Get someone else to cater and ask them about portion sizes. It actually is rude to expect family members to work your wedding, tradition or no. If they volunteer that's one thing, but it would be rude of them to get huffy because you don't ask them.

Your family should be guests, mingling and enjoying themselves just like other guests. If they have to miss special moments because they're too busy serving or supervising, how are you and they going to feel about it later?

MrsHarris0514_22978011 · May 2013

In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:
[QUOTE]Get someone else to cater and ask them about portion sizes. It actually is rude to expect family members to work your wedding, tradition or no. If they volunteer that's one thing, but it would be rude of them to get huffy because you don't ask them. Your family should be guests, mingling and enjoying themselves just like other guests. If they have to miss special moments because they're too busy serving or supervising, how are you and they going to feel about it later?
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

I have a sister in law that's a photographer and she was upset that because I was looking for another photographer and I explained that I wanted everyone to explain that I wanted our families to relax and share in our special day and it hurt her feelings and this conversation was had with everyone involved.....you guys are seriously missing the entire point. This is a forum am I correct? I asked a question on food not the preparation or service or family helping one way or the other. We are to be discussing a menu.Not who does what !!!!

NYCMercedes · May 2013

In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL : This is a forum am I correct? I asked a question on food not the preparation or service or family helping one way or the other. We are to be discussing a menu.Not who does what !!!!
Posted by MrsHarris0514[/QUOTE]

It was suggested to you to ask your mom, if cooking is what your family traditionally does. PP asked their caterers. You don't have one. Ask the cook.

gottahavashorti · May 2013

Pasta and BBQ will give you a lot of bang for your buck.

Would you consider asking your family member who is a chef if their business could cater the wedding? Meaning the chef wouldn't actually work the wedding day, but the other employees would (or church members if it were a church kitchen instead).

My parents self-catered their wedding and when I got married, my mom said that not having a caterer was absolutely not okay because she'd already done that once and swore she would not cook for her childrens' weddings. She and her friends spent a lot of time making things like potato salad before the wedding and her mother spent the entire reception in the kitchen.

Even if it is the family norm, it might be a nice break for your mom. She could still provide recipes, help shop for ingredients, do pre-wedding day prep work if she wanted, etc. but then enjoy your actual wedding reception. If she really wants to do all the work herself, I would do something that can be pre-made like lasagna and hire someone else to toss it in the oven and serve it. Or make appetizers for the cocktail hour that will keep in the fridge and don't need to be heated up.

For SIL, you could ask her to do engagement pictures. If your photographer gives rights to high res photos she could also design your album.

Jen4948 · May 2013

In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL : I have a sister in law that's a photographer and she was upset that because I was looking for another photographer and I explained that I wanted everyone to explain that I wanted our families to relax and share in our special day and it hurt her feelings and this conversation was had with everyone involved.....you guys are seriously missing the entire point. This is a forum am I correct? I asked a question on food not the preparation or service or family helping one way or the other. We are to be discussing a menu.Not who does what !!!!
Posted by MrsHarris0514[/QUOTE]

No, you are missing the entire point, which is that even in a forum, and this is one about the etiquette of weddings, it isn't polite to expect one's family to "work" a wedding. Nor is it polite for family members to "expect" that they will be hired for someone's wedding.

So your SIL gets "upset" that she doesn't get asked. It is not rude not to ask her, and it is rude of her to get "upset."

We gave you advice regarding the food-talk to your caterer, whoever that is. But we don't think it should be a family member regardless of what is "traditional" in your family. Our opinion stands, and we had as much right to offer it as if this wasn't a forum. By posting in a forum, you sought the advice and opinions of the forum members. You don't get to direct how it's given or what it is.

QueerFemme · May 2013

In Response to Re:MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:Consider bbq, mexican or pasta. They are all budget friendly options. Don't ask your family to cater your wedding. In addition to it being rude, its food poisoning waiting to happen. Feeding that many people is a nightmare for someone that doesn't have the equipment to keep food at proper temps.Posted by cmgilpinAs I stated before, I have a Chef in my family. She has a business and has catered several events all around our city. Trust me, I am well aware of food poisoning amp; cross contamination. Hence, the reason for using her business as the preparation location. My question was what should be on the menu no the location of the of where the meal is prepared. Itsnbsp;has been a nbsp;tradition for the mother of the bride and family to cook for the wedding for as far back as my family can be traced, so inappropriate. Posted by MrsHarris0514[/QUOTE] If your family member is a chef and caterer, why isn't she offering menu ideas? What are her specialties? We can offer you budget friendly ideas, but that won't matter if she doesn't know how to cater that particular meal for a large group. I still think its horribly rude to have a family member work your wedding in any way.

MrsHarris0514_22978011 · May 2013

In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:
[QUOTE]Pasta and BBQ will give you a lot of bang for your buck. Would you consider asking your family member who is a chef if their business could cater the wedding? Meaning the chef wouldn't actually work the wedding day, but the other employees would (or church members if it were a church kitchen instead). My parents self-catered their wedding and when I got married, my mom said that not having a caterer was absolutely not okay because she'd already done that once and swore she would not cook for her childrens' weddings. She and her friends spent a lot of time making things like potato salad before the wedding and her mother spent the entire reception in the kitchen. Even if it is the family norm, it might be a nice break for your mom. She could still provide recipes, help shop for ingredients, do pre-wedding day prep work if she wanted, etc. but then enjoy your actual wedding reception. If she really wants to do all the work herself, I would do something that can be pre-made like lasagna and hire someone else to toss it in the oven and serve it. Or make appetizers for the cocktail hour that will keep in the fridge and don't need to be heated up. For SIL, you could ask her to do engagement pictures. If your photographer gives rights to high res photos she could also design your album.
Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

Fist of all thank you for being productive in your comment. Yes, that is the plan none of my family will be working at all. My SIL has an assistant who will work the ceremony and reception. The catering service will be with my sister and SIL's businesses are aware that I don't want them to lift a finger and to sit down and CHILL LOL. Thank you for the input

[Deleted User] · May 2013

I would ask who ever is doing the food since they are a professional of what they think. As you said they cater and make food for aliving so they should know what and how much food would be best for your event.

As far as it being inappropriate, for a traditional wedding it would be, however, it seems you have one that is not "traditional" meaning you have family retiuals that you follow in that case then if that's what important to the family and is a tradition in the family then it's perfectly fine IMO. The purpose is that it was offered and not something you tried to make someone do because they are family and it would be cheaper. I do think it's rude that some people don't seem to want to value someone elses traditions or cultures. There are many cultures out there it's so rude to assume that everyone across the world would do things like you (you as in those who think weddings can be one way and one way only). Edited to say it seems you are not having family actually work so it seems the whole what's appropriate or not isn't relavent anymore.

MrsHarris0514_22978011 · May 2013

In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL : It is inappropriate to ask your family to cater your wedding. If they offer, and in your family offering is tradition, then it is fine to accept. Since they are doing you a (very big) favor, you should accept whatever they offer to cook instead of making menu demands.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

There are no demands......what am I saying that has everyone in a sour mood? I'm exceedingly grateful for EVERYTHING THAT EVERYBODY is contributing to make our day and union special. We just want something new fresh but affordable and accepted by everybody there. We are southerners and its soul food all the time.....every family occasion. We just wanted something refreshing, filling, and creative that is all.

it was their idea for me to post the question to get insight on some new ideas for food and cocktails.

missfrodo · May 2013

In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL : There are no demands......what am I saying that has everyone in a sour mood? I'm exceedingly grateful for EVERYTHING THAT EVERYBODY is contributing to make our day and union special. We just want something new fresh but affordable and accepted by everybody there. We are southerners and its soul food all the time.....every family occasion. We just wanted something refreshing, filling, and creative that is all. it was their idea for me to post the question to get insight on some new ideas for food and cocktails.
Posted by MrsHarris0514[/QUOTE]

So your CATERER needs ideas for food??? This sounds like a red flag to me--I trust my caterer to prepare food that they've prepared hundreds if not thousands of times, because they are familiar with the recipe and I know it will be delicious. I know a good cook can be creative, but is this really the time to test that? Wouldn't you be more comfortable serving your guests something your caterer is familiar with?

If you want your caterer to be "creative," and they normally serve southern food, how about...Lamb, beef, Mexican, Italian, Japanese (please no sushi unless they have a trained sushi chef), surf and turf, etc. Where do you and FI like to go out to eat? Base your menu off of that restaurant, as long as the caterer is on board with it.

alithebride · May 2013

In Response to Re:MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MARRYING INTO 2 HUGE FAMILIES WITH BIG APPETITES LOL : As I stated before, I have a Chef in my family. She has a business and has catered several events all around our city. Trust me, I am well aware of food poisoning & cross contamination. Hence, the reason for using her business as the preparation location. My question was what should be on the menu no the location of the of where the meal is prepared. Its has been a tradition for the mother of the bride and family to cook for the wedding for as far back as my family can be traced, so inappropriate.
Posted by MrsHarris0514[/QUOTE]

great then she'll know the answer.
it's tough to give you a menu f we dont know what you./FI/family like, what she can make etc... talk to her.

KDM323 · May 2013

Every vendor I talked to had a menu that they were comfortable making for the size of our reception and then talk to US about options. They were willing to customize their options to fit our tastes and needs...but they knew what they could make for that many people on our budget, etc.

That's why the other posters are saying to ask the caterer....they are the professionals.

Ella and Pedro · May 2013

While I do wish to echo what PP have said about asking them, I can also discern what you are asking.

Perhaps it would help you if you visited a half dozen or so catering websites to review what "other" catering companies suggest and describe for menus. We did that in preparation of seeking out and contracting our caterer and I found it incredibly helpful. I also used the images I reviewed to help narrow down which caterer seemed most likely to be a good match for our ideas of how we wanted the food to be displayed and plated. As you will see, some caterers are more into presentation than others. You will also begin to see that some companies are more into certain types of food or ingredients. Let me give you an idea - some caterers seemed really stuck on the idea of a pre-set price fixe menu, others seemed more flexible and offered a large array of choices. They said things like "Pick 4" hot and "Pick 5" cold - and showed a choice of 24 or 40 appetizers for butler passing. Another popular concept was to show a list of 4-6 salads and suggest the couple select one for their first course, a list of 4-6 soups and suggest the couple select one for their second course etc.

MrsHarris0514 · May 2013

http://us-mg6.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=acrt5g6eoa6i3

AllieBear725 · May 2013

As I stated in your other thread.... Your link is NOT working.

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