Children & Etiquette Help!

Re: Children & Etiquette Help!

• AddieCake member

  

  May 2013

  I would let her come. In a sense, she is "family" right now, yes?  Odds are, you will have at least one person decline, thus making room for her. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• harper0813 member

  

  May 2013 edited May 2013

  In Response to Children & Etiquette Help!:
  [QUOTE]Hi Ladies, I am STRESSING OUT so any help would be appreciated. I am about 3 months away from our wedding. We decided a long time ago that we would only be inviting the children of our families, and no other children. That equals FI's brother's infant son, FI's cousin's daughter, and two of my cousins who are younger.  FI's brother's girlfriend has a daughter from a previous relationship whom I (and FI) have met once. She seems to split her time between FI's brother's girlfriend and her dad. When we sent out STD's, FI's Brother called and asked to clarify who was invited (even though it was on the STD) -- it was him, his GF, and their infant son.  Since then, he has been continually pushy about inviting the GF's daughter (she is 10). We finally agreed that she could come IF THERE IS SPACE. But, we invited UP TO the capacity of our venue, and if no one says declines there is no room for her. Also, I'm worried about letting her come after I have said no to several others with children.  Last night we found out that FI's brother has already made travel arrangements for all of them to come to the wedding, and apparently told FI's dad that "he doesn't know why [GF's daughter] wouldn't be invited". GRRR. I don't know what to do -- FI now wants to put the name of the daughter on the invite to keep the peace, but the whole thing is just starting to really annoy me on principle. (We are working to send the invites out in a week or so).
  Posted by catiesweeps[/QUOTE]
  

  
  

  I'd just let it go. It's preferred to invite only as many as your venue allows, but in all likelihood, you will get at least one "no".

  
  

  It was rude of your future BIL to make travel arrangements for his girlfriend's daughter knowing that you couldn't accomodate her, but rather than cause hurt and anger in his family, leave it be. It seems like you and your fiance are not on the same page and so he would not be willing to tell his family that the girlfriend's daughter is not welcome - and you should not be the one to do this, either, for the sake of keeping a good relationship with your future in laws. Don't bring that sort of stress into your life right now.

  
  

  It's an unfortunate situation, but just take a deep breath and let it go. I don't think anyone will side-eye a child who's practically a family member (and may be considered a family member to your FBIL).

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  May 2013

  You seriously want to exclude the daughter of your FBIL's GF which would split up a family unit?  And they are traveling?

  
  

  Invite the girl and move on.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• daveANDkristen member

  

  May 2013

  I think you should invite FI's brother's girlfriend's daughter.  If they ever get married, this little girl will be his step-daughter.  None of your other guests should have a word to say about it (if they do, they are the rude ones).  This is FI's brother for goodness sake!  We always advise you (general you) not to split up families - like if you are close to one cousin but not her younger sister, you should invite them both.  This is no different in my opinion.

  
  

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• nextrightthing member

  

  May 2013

  I second this:
  
  You seriously want to exclude the daughter of your FBIL's GF which would split up a family unit? And they are traveling?

  
  

  Invite the girl and move on.
  
  And this:
  
  I think it's rude to invite one sibling and not the other, in any instance.

  

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• laradoll member

  

  May 2013

  but it's your nephews sister

  Invite the kid - my siblings are my mums stepchildren they had to remind my uncle to invite them to his wedding. They are family. 

  not inviting her is like saying that you aren't enough of a relative. It is horrible

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2013

  She should have been included in the invite, she is part of the package that comes with his GF. Yes, she may have had a father to stay with, but you need to accept this girl as part of the family you are marrying into even if she is not blood.

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• heathertims member

  

  May 2013

  If she's marrying your future brother is law, she will be family. Same goes for the girl. Let her come, make her feel welcome. 
  I understand want to "draw the line" somewhere (as I myself am very much like that), but this isnt the right situation. Excluding her will always be a sticking point for The Fiance. Years later, after everything is said and done, they will remember the slight, you won't even notice the day of.

  
  

  
  

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• TheBaysideBride member

  

  May 2013

  And once your'e inviting some children, it's really hard to not invite others. Plus, as  said earlier, she IS basically family.

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  May 2013

  The rule for inviting SOs is that you don't get to decide who counts or how serious the relationship is -- if they're dating, they get to bring their SO. Extrapolating from that, you don't get to define "family" because your FI's brother's SO is his GF and not his FI or his wife. If they're living together, he clearly considers himself a father figure to this child, which makes her essentially his step-daughter, which makes her essentially your FI's step-niece, which makes her essentially YOUR future step-niece, which means get over yourself on this one and invite her. 

  
  

  Weddings are not an opportunity for the bride and groom to start a family feud the rest of the family has to fight for the next decade.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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