Bridesman/Man of Honor - Groomswoman/Best Woman

swimmingcarp · May 2013

I'm just genuinely curious how many brides will have one or more men in their wedding party, or on the flip side, grooms with women in theirs.

After some drama and tweaking due to amount of siblings, both only having brothers, not really having many friends (many of my friends were met through fiance as I'm not very social and have many acquaintances rather than close friends), and having so severe a falling out with a ten-year-long best friend that she will probably not even be invited to the wedding let alone in the party, we worked out even numbers and managing to include all the brothers by deciding I will ask my brother to be my Man of Honor and my bestie will stand behind him, plus one mo0re female friend. I was thrilled to learn about this trend and I'm curious how many people will be mixing it up like this because of siblings or opposite-gender besties on either side.

Also, what are you doing for gifts, then? Will you give your bridesman the same thing as the GMs, or will you try to give something that coordinates with the bridesmaids? (And the same question but for groomswomen.) Our GM gifts will likely be alcohol related (like a flask or something) and my brother will only be 18. (I might still do that anyway, though haha.) I think I'm going to give him something special.

Final question, will you be dressing them the same as the groomsmen or will you dress them differently to match the bridesmaids (like a lighter suit or something)? Will you dress a groomswoman in a bridesmaid dress, or maybe in black with a sash to match the suit and tie (assuming that's not how you're doing the BMs anyway)? My brother will be dressed like the groomsmen most likely, but since my BMs will be wearing black, it won't stand out.

RaptorSLH · May 2013

[QUOTE]To those who pointed it out, I know that even sides are not required, nor are coordinated gifts, but themes are nice and I've always been very match-oriented.[/QUOTE]

There are ways to personalize within a theme. Instead of getting everyone an engraved flask they may never use, get each a nice bottle of their favorite liquor. (And some sort of nonalcoholic treat for your brother.) Handmade gift baskets for a hobby, gift cards to a favorite store.

Or something like a "movie night" package, with a gift certificate to the local theater, or a month subscription to Netflix so they can pick the kind of movie they want ot watch.

swimmingcarp · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesman/Man of Honor - Groomswoman/Best Woman:
[QUOTE]Paired recessionals aren't traditional, or required. The only people who are at the wedding to be paired up are the bride and groom. Even sides are not, and never have been, a requirement or a tradition. It's really tacky to make NUMBERS more important than PEOPLE. Why exclude a dear friend because they are the "odd one" out? Think of how that would hurt them to know this! It's equally hurtful to find out you were asked just to be a warm body. Matching gifts are thoughtless. A gift should be meaningful and useful to the recipient. Your "alcohol-based" gifts are a good example. Why give a booze-related gift to someone who is underaged or doesn't drink? How is that a gift to be treasured by the recipient? The bride doesn't dress the groomsmen at all. That's up to her fiance.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

The rudeness I detect here is unnecessary. First, I never mentioned recessionals until my response to another reply. Second, as I've ALREADY replied, the even numbers were NOT the key, however I was aiming for them and it HAPPENED to work out that way perfectly. I would not have been broken up over it if I hadn't been able to, I just happen to like symmetry so tried for it as most people do. The people I will be asking are very good friends of mine. As I mentioned, though perhaps not clearly, I do not have a ton of friends of equal closeness I have to pick and choose from, but I have a very few close ones. Neither of them are in any way "warm bodies."

Now, I know gifts don't have to match, however it is not instantly "tacky" to do so, if they're not some cheap piece of crap that will never be used. Getting each one a necklace that fits them is both matching and personal. Or a shot glass. I know my friends. And when I'm only shopping for TWO girls, it's not that hard to find something that they'll like. And saying that I would give alcohol to my brother was largely a joke, and regardless, he is an adult and it's not some throw-away gift that will never be used if I DO get him a flask or a neat keychain bottle opener or WHATEVER. He's not that far from legal.

And your assumptive comment about me picking their outfits? That is entirely unneccesary. For someone trying to make the point that there's not all just one way to do things, you sure are opinionated on what YOU'VE decided is the right way to do everything. My fiance would show up in gym shorts and a T-shirt full of holes if I didn't take action, and his groomsmen would likely be naked. He has ASKED me pick the outfits for everyone with one simple request: no pink. If I told him it was his job to pick their outfits, he would be entirely bewildered and tell me to do it anyway. This is our relationship. If this is the one traditional rule YOU choose to follow, then good for you. But you do not know anything about me, my family, my relationships with my friends and brother, or anything.

I am very disappointed with the forums on The Knot. Snooty, judgmental comments on every board and it makes me sad.

swimmingcarp · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesman/Man of Honor - Groomswoman/Best Woman:
[QUOTE]There are ways to personalize within a theme. Instead of getting everyone an engraved flask they may never use, get each a nice bottle of their favorite liquor. (And some sort of nonalcoholic treat for your brother.) Handmade gift baskets for a hobby, gift cards to a favorite store. Or something like a "movie night" package, with a gift certificate to the local theater, or a month subscription to Netflix so they can pick the kind of movie they want ot watch.
Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

I love these ideas. I saw a cute Pinterest thing where the bride got her BMs (among other gifts) a mini bottle of their favorite liquor with a small version of mixer (like a pack of tea mix or lemonade powder). My brother would love some expensive glass-bottled soda or something.

RaptorSLH · May 2013

FWIW, swimming, your initial post mentioned "drama and tweaking" until you "worked out" even numbers. You can't really blame Retread for thinking you had rather forced the numbers issue. You didn't exactly make it sound like a natural arrangement.

You had no way to know this, but the even sides thing is a bit of a hot button topic here. Long-time posters tend to forget how deeply entrenched the idea is. Nobody seems to know where they got the idea that it was a traditional requirement, but almost everybody seems convinced that it is. Same thing happens with a few other common errors, too. Combine that with a tough-love attitude, and posting here sometimes requires a thick skin.

(Yes, I had expected uneven sides from the start, but even I did it thinking I was bucking expectations. So it's perhaps easier for me to sympathize than most.)

mandi195 · May 2013

Our wedding party will consist of my brother and best male friend on my side, and my FI will have his 2 sisters on is side, so ours is a complete gender filp from the norm.
We didn't initially plan it this way, but when we both thought about who we needed to be standing next to us that day, we each came up with two names, and they just happened to be opposite gender.

jna0941 · May 2013

I am also extremely diappointed with the community boards on the knot! You are correct about the snooty, judgement comments. I was excited to get real feedback from a group of brides supporting each other. This isnt the place for that.

Anyway, to answer your question. When my fiance and I get married I will ask one of my male friends to be a bridesman. He will participate in all activites with me and the bridesmaids. However, when we stand up he will stand up on the grooms side. He is friends with the groom, but this is for symmetry purposes. Now, I do not need anyone telling me about my rude consideration for having my friend stand on the grooms side... as you do not know the details of our situation. (And, last time I asked for help and posted details I had many responders say that they didnt have time to read my details and gave crappy advice.)

My bridesman will match the groomsman, and we will be gifting jewelry for all ladies and cuff links for gentleman.

Kate61487 · May 2013

OP - we had a bridesman and a groomswoman. I've only attended two other weddings with mixed gender BPs (one before ours, one after) so it's still not 'the norm' but is growing in popularity. Our attendants attire was based on gender. My bridesman had nothing distinguishing him as being different other than the fact that he stood on my side. ditto for the groomswoman.

If I could change something it would have been that I'd have had them 'get ready' with their side rather than their gender. I love my FI's groomswoman, and we had fun together that morning, but I didn't get to see my bridesman, like, at all. As such I have lots of gender-split photos from before the ceremony and very few with the sides split as they actually were.

jna0941 - seriously? You're getting real feedback from brides who don't want your friends to hate you at the end of the day. blindly supporting someone's bad ideas doesn't help them at all, people come here for advice. What an honor for your friend - he has the distinct pleasure of attending all the girly stuff he could probably care less about and then you're shoving him over to the other side because having him with you on your wedding day is less important than the symmetry of your ceremony photos. Also, its quite possible all your girls legitimately like your taste in jewelry, but since no guy I've ever met has a legitimate need or want for cufflinks I'm going to venture to guess you put the same (lack of) thought into your BM gift choices.

Bridesman/Man of Honor - Groomswoman/Best Woman

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