Bridesmaid Drama

mapsalidas · May 2013

So I started planning my wedding a while out and being the stupib person I am I invited one of my co workers who was always so nice to me.

Fast forward 5 months and she is such a meanny to me. She does not support my relationship nor does she even really speak nicely to me.
When I asked her if she still wanted to be in my wedding she said yes.

What do I do from here? DO I just say hey you are not really acting like any friends I know. I do not want to make work hell but I really do not think she is going to be nice at my wedding. She is really stressed and she just left her husband for another woman...

vsgal · May 2013

You mean you asked her to be in the wedding party, right?

How, exactly, is she being a meanie to you? Are you friends outside of work?

Sounds like she is having some issues with her marriage. Take her out for lunch or coffee and just be a friend. Don't talk about the wedding. Reconnect with her.

You have already asked her and she confirmed, so you can't kick her out with ending the friendship and making work very uncomfortable.

mapsalidas · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama:
[QUOTE]You mean you asked her to be in the wedding party, right? How, exactly, is she being a meanie to you? Are you friends outside of work? Sounds like she is having some issues with her marriage. Take her out for lunch or coffee and just be a friend. Don't talk about the wedding. Reconnect with her. You have already asked her and she confirmed, so you can't kick her out with ending the friendship and making work very uncomfortable.
Posted by vsgal[/QUOTE]

I did ask her to be in my wedding.
She has been telling me that I am stupid. Saying I be thankful anyone would hire me...I have asked my hire boss and he says I am the perfect employee) She continually in front of other employees will question my mental ability. Every time I talk about my relationship she will say something like oh that's so nice you love your ring more than him. Trust me all my other bridesmaids, my mother and mother in law and my fiancée want me to kick her out of the wedding. They have all witness her being rude to me, and all of a sudden she has stopped wanting to do anything with me or the other bridesmaids.

I have already taken her out once and asked her what was up let her talk to me and she says everything is fine, that she has the perfect life and why does every one continue to ask her if she is okay.
She even goes out of the way to say that she is the one that has perfect happiness and no one else does.

My next corse of action was to say hey you just seem to really be having a hard time and you do not seem very excited for this wedding.

But if she still wants to be in how do I tell my other members in my wedding party that she is still in there? They all want her out more than I do, at least I knew she was nice at somepoint

kmbryant2413 · May 2013

Go talk to your HR department. Why are you letting a coworker belittle you like that? That's absolutely uncalled for. She also doesn't sound like your friend, at all, and she sounds like she's pushing you away.

So now you have a choice. You kick her out, end your friendship, and (hopefully?) talk to HR to file a complaint, or you keep her in, let her continue to steamroll you, and still suffer at work.

mapsalidas · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama:
[QUOTE]Go talk to your HR department. Why are you letting a coworker belittle you like that? That's absolutely uncalled for. She also doesn't sound like your friend, at all, and she sounds like she's pushing you away. So now you have a choice. You kick her out, end your friendship, and (hopefully?) talk to HR to file a complaint, or you keep her in, let her continue to steamroll you, and still suffer at work.
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

Yeah I have gone to my big boss and the problem is that he says he can not do anything about it. The head of the department has known her for 25 years. I do not want to burn my bridges with the head bosses just her and to go over everyone's heads means I will not be welcomed back when she leaves.

I am going to leave for another area of the company so I am thinking of ending the friendship and hoping she does not influence the other people in the company

s-aries8990 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama : Yeah I have gone to my big boss and the problem is that he says he can not do anything about it. The head of the department has known her for 25 years. I do not want to burn my bridges with the head bosses just her and to go over everyone's heads means I will not be welcomed back when she leaves. I am going to leave for another area of the company so I am thinking of ending the friendship and hoping she does not influence the other people in the company
Posted by mapsalidas[/QUOTE]

What does he mean he can't do anything? He needs to speak with her about how to conduct herself in front of customers. Ask him again and tell him that if he doens't resolve it, you'll need to move up the ranks to find someone who will.

Who she's friends with shouldn't matter.

mapsalidas · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama : What does he mean he can't do anything? He needs to speak with her about how to conduct herself in front of customers. Ask him again and tell him that if he doens't resolve it, you'll need to move up the ranks to find someone who will. Who she's friends with shouldn't matter.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]
That is what he said to me. I tpyed up a list of occurances and handed them to him. He said he was sorry he could not make anyone behave. Other people have been fired for going over his head to HR. Frankly I am scared to go any higher. That is a good suggestion. I am going to talk to him again and tell him that I will go to HR.

daveANDkristen · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama : I did ask her to be in my wedding. She has been telling me that I am stupid. Saying I be thankful anyone would hire me...I have asked my hire boss and he says I am the perfect employee) She continually in front of other employees will question my mental ability. Every time I talk about my relationship she will say something like oh that's so nice you love your ring more than him. Trust me all my other bridesmaids, my mother and mother in law and my fiancée want me to kick her out of the wedding. They have all witness her being rude to me, and all of a sudden she has stopped wanting to do anything with me or the other bridesmaids. I have already taken her out once and asked her what was up let her talk to me and she says everything is fine, that she has the perfect life and why does every one continue to ask her if she is okay. She even goes out of the way to say that she is the one that has perfect happiness and no one else does. My next corse of action was to say hey you just seem to really be having a hard time and you do not seem very excited for this wedding. But if she still wants to be in how do I tell my other members in my wedding party that she is still in there? They all want her out more than I do, at least I knew she was nice at somepoint
Posted by mapsalidas[/QUOTE]

It is your decision alone to decide who is in your wedding party. Don't talk wedding with her unless she brings it up. Let her know when/where to order her dress. If she wants out of the wedding she will remove herself. You should tell the rest of your WP that you are not willing to risk tension in the workplace because they do not like one of your BMs. The rest of the WP does not have to be friends with her just because she is a BM.

If it becomes a possibility for you to risk your working relationship and you would like to end your friendship with her altogether, you can tell her that you no longer want her as a BM.

gottahavashorti · May 2013

If she has done things offensive enough to warrant ending the friendship, end the friendship. It should be understood that as a result of the friendship ending, she is no longer a BM. This is not a wedding problem, it is a friendship problem, so treat it as such.

Say a friend was constantly insulting you and your FI but you were supposed to go on vacation with her later this summer. You're sick of being friends with her. Do you say "hey, you're mean, I'm done hanging out with you" or "you're kicked out of the beach house" - probably the former, right? Pretend there's not a wedding involved and deal with the friendship.

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