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Future Sister in law in my bridal party?

DanielleLawrence37DanielleLawrence37 member
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in Wedding Party
I am having a hard time.  She is a few years older than my Fiance & I.  She is married and lives in Utah (we live in CT!).  I have only met her a few times.  

My FI and I met at my best friends wedding, who married my FI's older brother.  The brother is his best man, and his wife is one of my bridesmaids.

She would be the only sibling not in the wedding party... do you think it would be offensive if I just asked her to do a reading?  She wouldn't be around for much of the wedding planning and things anyways.  Thoughts? Thanks!
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Re: Future Sister in law in my bridal party?

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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Wedding parties are composed of the people closest to the bride and groom. Their blood relationships are irrelevant. That being said, talk to your FI. Ask him how, if at all, he wants his sister to be involved. Remember that slighting her now will cause repercussions down the road. If he wants her to be involved, involve her. Also, aside from buying the right dress and showing up to the hutch on time and sober, she has no other jobs/duties, and she definitively doesn't have to help you plan.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    MissMollyMissMolly member
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    Asking her to do a reading wouldn't be offensive at all, in my opinion.

    In Response to Future Sister in law in my bridal party?:
    [QUOTE]I am having a hard time.  She is a few years older than my Fiance & I.  She is married and lives in Utah (we live in CT!).  I have only met her a few times.   My FI and I met at my best friends wedding, who married my FI's older brother.  The brother is his best man, and his wife is one of my bridesmaids. She would be the only sibling not in the wedding party... do you think it would be offensive if I just asked her to do a reading?  She wouldn't be around for much of the wedding planning and things anyways.  Thoughts? Thanks!
    Posted by DanielleLawrence37[/QUOTE]
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    DanielleLawrence37DanielleLawrence37 member
    First Comment
    My Fiance did not care if she was in the wedding, and told me to not worry about it.  But as a girl, I know she might be more offended than he thinks.  

    Anyways, thanks for the tips... I am going to have her do a reading. 

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If you barely know her, why would you ask her to be in your wedding party? 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If you aren't close with her then don't ask her.  My H's sister was the only sibling not our wedding.  If she was offended I was never told.  Even so, the decision as to who is in our parties was mine and H's.  Neither one of us wanted to ask her so she wasn't in it.

    If you want her to do a reading then that would be fine.  But she doesn't have to be involved in the wedding at all if you don't want her to be.

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    brielleinlovebrielleinlove member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    This is not a popular opinion around the boards, but I think that when involving in-laws in the wedding party (on either side), a couple of things need to be considered.

    - Are either of you close to this person?  If FI does not talk to his sister very much and doesn't feel strongly about including her, then I wouldn't worry about it as much.
    - Are all other siblings included in the wedding somehow, even if they are not in the wedding party?  It can be very hurtful to be the only sibling left out, and in some families (mine included) this is viewed as a very public snub.  This depends on your family culture and your FSIL's opinion about the subject.
    - Will it cause a lot of family drama if you do not include her in the wedding party?  People have long memories about these kinds of things, and if it will cause problems with your FSIL, FMIL, or other people you have to see for the rest of your life, I err on the side of including her (either on your side or your FI's).  People are STILL bitter over who was and wasn't included in the party at my mom's 1978 wedding.  It is inevitably thrown into any family argument as more ammunition.  My mom says that if she had it to do over again, she just would have included the in-law in question to avoid 35 years of family drama.
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    RaeH42_2571267RaeH42_2571267
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    I'm not having my FI's sister in my party and my FI isn't having any of my brother's stand up in his party. I do like the idea of doing a reading to include her and using my brother's as ushers. I think it's a nice way of including them.
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    phira_22857389phira_22857389
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    I asked my partner if he could include my brother in his party, and he said no. He has both of his brothers in his party, and feels like if he increases that number, it should be with his friends, not my brother, who he's not that close to. I feel bad because I'm asking my sister to be in my party, and my brother will be the only one left out. However, I'm going to just find another way for him to be involved, and I will try to make sure he's still in a lot of formal pictures.
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    brielleinlovebrielleinlove member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to Re: Future Sister in law in my bridal party?:
    [QUOTE]I asked my partner if he could include my brother in his party, and he said no. He has both of his brothers in his party, and feels like if he increases that number, it should be with his friends, not my brother, who he's not that close to. I feel bad because I'm asking my sister to be in my party, and my brother will be the only one left out. However, I'm going to just find another way for him to be involved, and I will try to make sure he's still in a lot of formal pictures.
    Posted by phira[/QUOTE]

    Why not just have him stand on your side?  
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