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How do I choose who to be a bridesmaid?

sandbagger18_12002519sandbagger18_12002519
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in Wedding Party
I am trying to decide who to choose as a bridesmaid. I am not set on a certain number, but it can't be outrageous. I am 20 and in college. I have a group of 5 really good friends from home and a fee college friends. I also have 2 immediate sisters, who are 10 and 14 years old, and 2 future-sisters-in-law, who are 22 (just engaged) and 16. The 22 year old is expecting to be in my wedding, but if I include her, I must include everyone. However, she is getting married just before me and it will be a big time and financial committment. The youngest sister would be a jr. bridesmaid, but I feel like I need someone else to help me. I may choose them and then include one best friend. The problem is, how do I know who to choose? I love all 5 of my friends from home equally and couldn't choose from one of them, but out of my friends from school, I don't know which one would be helpful with planning a wedding? I feel like it would be nice to have someone from school so that they would be with me during the process, but that just might not be possible. Who should I choose? How do I include everyone so that they feel special?
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Re: How do I choose who to be a bridesmaid?

  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    What will be a big time and financial commitment?  Also, you shouldn't make anybody, least of all a 16 year old, a junior bridesmaid.

    Your bridesmaid choice should have nothing at all to do with helping planning a wedding.  It's not their job.  This is YOU honoring THEM for being your closest friends and asking them to stand up next to you.  There are no jobs other than getting a dress, chosen with their budget and comfort in mind, and showing up at the wedding.

    How about your FI has his sisters on his side if he wants them in the wedding? 



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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Being a BM is supposed to be about who you love and respect.  You can't make choices on who will be helpful in wedding planning, because they shouldn't be required to help you at all (aside from maybe bouncing ideas off every once in a while, but that doesn't take a lot of effort ).  So you have to ask yourself who you want to honour with standing beside you on your wedding day.  It sounds like you are very blessed to have so many close friends to chose from, but you might have to draw the line somewhere. 

    Your sisters do sound a bit young for BM - could you have them be readers at your ceremony?  I was 17 when I was my sister's MOH, and I still feel bad that I couldn't do more for her - I was even too young to sign as witness.

    I also second PP about having your in-laws being on your FI side.  Mine has a sister, and I told him that if he wanted her in, she could be a groomswoman.  He chose not to, and she is fine with that. 

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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Your wedding isn't for TWO YEARS and FOUR MONTHS!!!  You stop. You wait...and you reconsider your wedding party in January 2015.  In the meantime, make other plans, formalize a guest list, etc.  But do NOT pick your wedding party.  Friendships change.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to How do I choose who to be a bridesmaid?:
    [QUOTE]I am trying to decide who to choose as a bridesmaid. I am not set on a certain number, but it can't be outrageous. I am 20 and in college. I have a group of 5 really good friends from home and a fee college friends. I also have 2 immediate sisters, who are 10 and 14 years old, and 2 future-sisters-in-law, who are 22 (just engaged) and 16. The 22 year old is expecting to be in my wedding, but if I include her, I must include everyone. However, she is getting married just before me and it will be a big time and financial committment. The youngest sister would be a jr. bridesmaid, but I feel like I need someone else to help me. I may choose them and then include one best friend. The problem is, how do I know who to choose? I love all 5 of my friends from home equally and couldn't choose from one of them, but out of my friends from school, I don't know which one would be helpful with planning a wedding? I feel like it would be nice to have someone from school so that they would be with me during the process, but that just might not be possible. Who should I choose? How do I include everyone so that they feel special?
    Posted by sandbagger18[/QUOTE]
    JIC.



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  • aRachel21aRachel21 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re: How do I choose who to be a bridesmaid?:
    [QUOTE]Your wedding isn't for TWO YEARS and FOUR MONTHS!!!  You stop. You wait...and you reconsider your wedding party in January 2015.  In the meantime, make other plans, formalize a guest list, etc.  But do NOT pick your wedding party.  Friendships change.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    Listen to this person.  January 2015 is the perfect time for you to pick bridesmaids.  Also, bridesmaids don't need to help you plan your wedding. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2013
    Yes, MLG is right. It is way too early to pick your bridesmaids. PPs are also right. You don't choose bridesmaids based on who can "help" the most b/c they are not required to help you at all. Choosing a wedding party should be a no-brainer. You pick the people nearest and dearest to you. My 2 bridesmaids were 2 of the 3 people in this world I could call at 2.am. to help me hide a body. No more, no less.

     Not everyone has to be "included," but you could also make a couple people be readers. But don't just fill spots in an attempt to make anyone feel "special" and "included." It's an honor just being invited as a guest. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • sandbagger18_12002519sandbagger18_12002519
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: How do I choose who to be a bridesmaid?:
    [QUOTE]Your wedding isn't for TWO YEARS and FOUR MONTHS!!!  You stop. You wait...and you reconsider your wedding party in January 2015.  In the meantime, make other plans, formalize a guest list, etc.  But do NOT pick your wedding party.  Friendships change.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, I just hadn't changed the date yet once we decided on one. We are getting married on Saturday, August 2, 2014.
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  • MissMollyMissMolly member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    This! Example: when I started planning my wedding 7 months ago, I considered asking the gal I called my best friend for 11 years, to be a BM. Just a few weeks ago, she got really mad at me for a pretty silly reason, and ended 11 years of "best friendship" through a series of text messages. We don't speak anymore, and I cannot tell you how glad I am that I never asked her to be a BM, as I would either have to deal with a really pi$$y, angry BM, or have the shame of kicking her out of the bridal party. Don't choose your girls now, wait for awhile, as you have the time to do so.

    In Response to Re: How do I choose who to be a bridesmaid?:
    [QUOTE]Your wedding isn't for TWO YEARS and FOUR MONTHS!!!  You stop. You wait...and you reconsider your wedding party in January 2015.  In the meantime, make other plans, formalize a guest list, etc.  But do NOT pick your wedding party.  Friendships change.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Even if you're getting married next August it's too early now to ask people to be in your wedding party.  Wait until at least a year out, if not longer.



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  • amyqchow21_1467992amyqchow21_1467992
    First Comment
    Yes, choose later and think about it. It sounds like you will have 9 people - some people will think that is outrageously large for some reason, but I am doing 8 and at some points I regretted my choice, but I am now excited to be around all of them on my wedding day. I had a similar situation to you where I felt like some girls came in a group and I couldn't single anyone out. I just said to hell with it and included all of them, lol. 

    Think about the costs you will be incurring though. More bm's means more bouquets, more meals at bridal luncheons, another round of hair and makeup etc. I am doing mismatched bm's and reusing bouquets as centerpieces, and I made all my bm gifts so it hardly cost any extra money at all. Take transportation logistics into consideration too- if not everyone can carpool or has a car you might be in a stressful situation... 

    If cost will be an issue, don't be afraid to make the cuts. If I were you I think I would either make it the group of friends from college and include my two immediate sisters or just pick my two immediate sisters, sisters in law, and maybe just one person from the college friends..also nothing wrong with just having a MOH and letting everyone be a part of the ceremony in other ways. There are so many options you can do and no decision is wrong.

    good luck!
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