Who to Ask

jna0941 · May 2013

I am having a difficult time deciding who to ask to be part of the wedding party.

I have two best friends (female, and male) that are presumed to be my maid of honor and man of honor; however I am hesitant. I have not asked anyone to be part of the bridal party, but these two people presume that they are already my maid of honor and man of honor (or whatever you call a brides best male friend)

The female friend (friend for 16 years) is struggling through her own life right now, she is finishing her master's degree, working full time, and in a very destructive relationship. I don't want to burdon her by asking her to add more to her plate by being my maid of honor. She is known to be very spacey and I am worried that if I do ask her that our friendship will be troubled as I would become upset with her because of her irresponsibility. She lives a different lifestyle than the morals that I have and never attemps to keep in touch, or even answer my phone calls any more.

The male best friend and I have been friends since high school (14 years). He is extremely flamboyant and has a tendancy to make everything all about him. He has grandios ideas, but is also neglectful and fails to follow through. My mom is hesitant to have me include him because she is afraid he will do something to embarress me.... which in honesty, he might. This person has also lost touch. He only comes around if he is depressed or needs something.

Yes, I understand that true friends are there for each other no matter what, and I am there for these two individuals, however, I do not trust that they would be there for me. They both live 2 hours away from me, hardly call and hardly visit. I only talk with either of them if I call them first. I don't feel like our friendship is valued by these friends like it once was.

Big question: Do I chose two people because it is what they expect and we are best friends (that don't keep in touch anymore). Or choose other friends that I have remained close to and that I can trust? Advice please!

AddieCake · May 2013

In Response to Who to Ask:
[QUOTE]I am having a difficult time deciding who to ask to be part of the wedding party. I have two best friends (female, and male) that are presumed to be my maid of honor and man of honor; however I am hesitant. I have not asked anyone to be part of the bridal party, but these two people presume that they are already my maid of honor and man of honor (or whatever you call a brides best male friend) The female friend (friend for 16 years) is struggling through her own life right now, she is finishing her master's degree, working full time, and in a very destructive relationship. I don't want to burdon her by asking her to add more to her plate by being my maid of honor. She is known to be very spacey and I am worried that if I do ask her that our friendship will be troubled as I would become upset with her because of her irresponsibility. She lives a different lifestyle than the morals that I have and never attemps to keep in touch, or even answer my phone calls any more. The male best friend and I have been friends since high school (14 years). He is extremely flamboyant and has a tendancy to make everything all about him. He has grandios ideas, but is also neglectful and fails to follow through. My mom is hesitant to have me include him because she is afraid he will do something to embarress me.... which in honesty, he might. This person has also lost touch. He only comes around if he is depressed or needs something. Yes, I understand that true friends are there for each other no matter what, and I am there for these two individuals, however, I do not trust that they would be there for me. They both live 2 hours away from me, hardly call and hardly visit. I only talk with either of them if I call them first. I don't feel like our friendship is valued by these friends like it once was. Big question: Do I chose two people because it is what they expect and we are best friends (that don't keep in touch anymore). Or choose other friends that I have remained close to and that I can trust? Advice please!
Posted by jna0941[/QUOTE]

How would it burden her? Is she not able to buy a dress, smile, and walk carryng some flowers? Because that's all she needs to do to be a bridesmaid. However, if she doesn't keep in touch or take your phone calls, why would you be considering asking her to be a member of your wedding party? Same for him. If he is not part of your regular life, and he only contacts you if he needs something,I don't see why you would have him in your wedding party.

misssunshine17 · May 2013

I only skimmed your post, but ask your best friends. Not people you used to be best friends with.

Maggie0829 · May 2013

I didn't read your post because I don't need to know the ins and outs of each persons lives. Ask those who are closest to you at this moment and let them decide if they want to be in your wedding or not.

TiaTea · May 2013

In Response to Who to Ask:
[QUOTE... I have two best friends ... She lives a different lifestyle than the morals that I have and never attemps to keep in touch, or even answer my phone calls any more. ... he will do something to embarress me.... which in honesty, he might. This person has also lost touch. He only comes around if he is depressed or needs something.
Posted by jna0941[/QUOTE]
WOW!
You have some definition of "best friends" !

amyqchow21_1467992 · May 2013

We all have different reasons to ask who to be in the wedding party, and you should choose who you want.

Most of my bridesmaids I asked, I hardly keep in touch with; maybe once a month at the very most (and that's my maid of honor) but I really know it's because we all live miles apart from each other.

I picked my best friends/roommates from college because they held my hand through my college years and they give me so much joy ; I want to spend as much time with them again as I can on my wedding day before we have to split ways again. I also picked my childhood best friend from 4th grade through high school because we had always talked about being in each others weddings from a very young age, and we pride ourselves with how we've kept in touch for 15 years. Basically I picked my bridesmaid based on who I wanted to be around on my day, and they were girls who have had the most influence in my life and have shaped me into the person I am today.

Pick those who are closest to you or those who have impacted your life the most. It's okay if they are spacey; the maid of honor is really the one that carries alot of duties, but if she has too much on her plate maybe your mom or future mother in law can help you out with the plans. I personally am heavily relying on my MOH because she is the only one local to where my wedding will be and because my mom has passed away years ago.

But there is nothing wrong with not picking those who "expect" to be in the party. I have seen a lot of weddings with just a best mand and MOH (and this is also traditionally how weddings started).. and then there are those world record breaking parties of 100+ people. Go with your heart. There is really no wrong way of doing it.

amyqchow21_1467992 · May 2013

We all have different reasons to ask who to be in the wedding party, and you should choose who you want.

Most of my bridesmaids I asked, I hardly keep in touch with; maybe once a month at the very most (and that's my maid of honor) but I really know it's because we all live miles apart from each other.

I picked my best friends/roommates from college because they held my hand through my college years and they give me so much joy ; I want to spend as much time with them again as I can on my wedding day before we have to split ways again. I also picked my childhood best friend from 4th grade through high school because we had always talked about being in each others weddings from a very young age, and we pride ourselves with how we've kept in touch for 15 years. Basically I picked my bridesmaid based on who I wanted to be around on my day, and they were girls who have had the most influence in my life and have shaped me into the person I am today.

Pick those who are closest to you or those who have impacted your life the most. It's okay if they are spacey; the maid of honor is really the one that carries alot of duties, but if she has too much on her plate maybe your mom or future mother in law can help you out with the plans. I personally am heavily relying on my MOH because she is the only one local to where my wedding will be and because my mom has passed away years ago.

But there is nothing wrong with not picking those who "expect" to be in the party. I have seen a lot of weddings with just a best mand and MOH (and this is also traditionally how weddings started).. and then there are those world record breaking parties of 100+ people. Go with your heart. There is really no wrong way of doing it.

jna0941 · May 2013

@amyqchow21, Thank you for your response. You were the only one here to leave helpful advice.

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