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Bridesmaid and Groomsmen

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Party
If I have a friend as a bridesmaid, does her husband have to be a groomsmen? She expressed some concern with the fact that he was not asked to be a groomsmen. She is a very good friend, but my FI cannot stand her husband and prefers to have closer friends and his brothers for his groomsmen. I agreed with him fully. She keeps dropping hints that she is uncomfortable being touched by another man (arm in arm down the aisle).

Any help?
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Re: Bridesmaid and Groomsmen

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    SJM7538SJM7538 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited May 2013
    In Response to Bridesmaid and Groomsmen:
    [QUOTE]If I have a friend as a bridesmaid, does her husband have to be a groomsmen? She expressed some concern with the fact that he was not asked to be a groomsmen. She is a very good friend, but my FI cannot stand her husband and prefers to have closer friends and his brothers for his groomsmen. I agreed with him fully. She keeps dropping hints that she is uncomfortable being touched by another man (arm in arm down the aisle). Any help?
    Posted by awebb04[/QUOTE]

    She is being ridiculous.You ask your WP and your fiance asks his. Why in the world would he ask someone he is not close friends with?
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    SJM7538SJM7538 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    Does she want her husband to be in the bridal party so that she can walk down with him? Or is there another reason she feels like he should be included?

    Assuming she is an adult and her husband is as well, she should be able to walk down the aisle with another man without a problem. They're walking, not going on a date.

    Unless it is a cultural thing. I know there was a post awhile back about a bride having a BM who was married to someone from another country and in his culture it was considered disrespectful for her to walk down with another man.

    Don't ask another person just so she has the option of walking alone. I mean, if there is someone else that you actually want in your bridal party and it would just work out that she could walk alone, then go for it. But don't have a "fill in" just so she can walk alone.

    She should be able to be an adult about it. Or if you want to accomodate her then opt to have the girls walk in by themselves. They don't necessarily have to be escorted by the groomsmen. To me it sounds like she is just giving you a hard time.

    And FWIW yes I have had this issue. In my cousins wedding the girlfriend of the groomsmen I walked down with was furious and gave me dirty looks all night like I was trying to steal her boyfriend. It was really stupid. We touched arms for all of five minutes.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Nope, the choice of wedding party members is strictly up to the couple.  The bride chooses her attendants and the groom chooses his, based on their emotional closeness. 

    If your friend wants to be in your wedding party, she needs to accept that she does not get to expect her participation in it to be conditional on her husband's being asked to be a groomsman.  That's strictly up to your FI.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Hahahahaha!  She's ridiculous, but just have them walk side by side. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If your BM feels so strongly against touching another man on the arm (really?), the GM and he can just walk side by side together without touching.  My H was BM in his brother's wedding and I was not in the WP.  I could have cared less about the MOH he escorted, not once, but 3 times total!  OMG!  And to think I once had to be escorted by 2 GM!  I wonder what H (then BF) thought?  Oh yeah, he didn't care either!

    I think your BM is just trying to score her H an invite to be GM.  Tell her no and that your FI chose who he wanted to have and you do not want to influence his choices in his WP.  That kind of gives you and FI an out as to keeping this BM's H out of the WP.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    I offered the side by side option, but she did not go for the idea. She said she did not want to stand out. My response to her was that I loved her, but she really needed to decide if she wanted to be a bridesmaid or if she would prefer to stay with her husband the entire night...

    she said she wanted to be a bridesmaid and then asked if her husband could sit with her at the head table. I informed her that we were having a sweetheart table instead. so now she is trying to convince me for a head table... this is kind of a headache. Frown

    I really do love her and we have been close friends since middle school. She was not like this before she met her current husband. I have to say that I think that most of this is stemming from him whining to her... it actually is something he does to get his way with her.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2013
    In Response to Re: Bridesmaid and Groomsmen:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid and Groomsmen : So she doesn't want to stand out by walking alone but she doesn't want to walk side by side with a groomsman? And she wants to sit with her husband, which you were planning on doing because you aren't going to have a head table, but she wants a head table? I think she needs to repeat that back to herself and realize that she sounds ridiculous. It sounds like you're trying very hard to be accomodating to her but she is just being ungrateful. I'd say " You can decide if you want to walk down alone or with a groomsman and the sweetheart table is not up for discussion. So you will be seated with your husband at the reception." And leave it at that.
    Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

    This in its entirety.
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    bunni727bunni727 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    How about everyone walks single file?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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    winelover123winelover123 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment First Answer
    Tell her that how the reception is set up is not up for discussion. As long as you aren't separating her from her H, you're in the clear. Honestly, she sounds like she's just trying to be PITA.
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    mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Your bridesmaid is freaking nuts.

    But on a side note, is your wedding not until 2016?!?  DECEMBER 2016? You've got to be kidding me.

    Don't select your wedding party until you're less than 9 months out.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    LOL, sorry. My wedding is not in 2016... but the date does keep gettting moved around so I just put it far enough ahead that it wouldn't make me panic when I saw the little bar moving closer to the date on the screen... more time to work, right? We originally were going to have it January 2014, but then it got moved because I have to do an extra semester of school. So we pushed it back, but then it is now being reschedule entirely because my FI is now going to be teaching abroad for a year and we decided to wait until he got back instead of ruining our "honeymoon bliss" as my friends say during the first few weeks. I don't want to get married only to have him leave for an entire year. And, we did discuss me going with him... but even that is still up in the air. I know I will marry this man eventually, and that is good enough for me Smile
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    mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to Re: Bridesmaid and Groomsmen:
    [QUOTE]LOL, sorry. My wedding is not in 2016... but the date does keep gettting moved around so I just put it far enough ahead that it wouldn't make me panic when I saw the little bar moving closer to the date on the screen... more time to work, right? We originally were going to have it January 2014, but then it got moved because I have to do an extra semester of school. So we pushed it back, but then it is now being reschedule entirely because my FI is now going to be teaching abroad for a year and we decided to wait until he got back instead of ruining our "honeymoon bliss" as my friends say during the first few weeks. I don't want to get married only to have him leave for an entire year. And, we did discuss me going with him... but even that is still up in the air. I know I will marry this man eventually, and that is good enough for me
    Posted by awebb04[/QUOTE]

    You seemed to miss my point...  Unless your wedding is in January 2014 you're selecting your BM WAY too early!!!
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    OP, if your wedding isnt until 2014 put all of this crazy discussion with your looney BM on the back burner.  Do not bring it up.  If she brings it up tell her that you will worry about it when the gets closer and then change the subject.

    Your friend sounds like a PITA and the only reason she is probably acting like this is because she is pissed that her husband is not included in the wedding party.  It sounds like since she didn't get her way then she is going to make things difficult.

    Seriously stop worrying about this and deal with it later.  And when later does arrive tell her that she has two options, either walk by herself or walk with a GM.  Period.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    That is true, I guess I will just put it off. As for choosing my party too early. I asked people ~8 months before back in May before we had to change the wedding date the first time.

    I will tell my friend we can discuss it when things are closer to the newest date. and hopefully that ends the conversation :-)
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