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Is it okay to ask close family and friends to help pay for wedding rental?

TamariezTamariez member
Second Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

The place where I'd like to get married is a beautiful Bed and Breakfast on a farm and has a rental fee of almost $8000.   This is for the entire weekend and run of the entire facility (including rehearsal, ceremony, reception venues and set up) as well as lodging for up to 20 guests (we would like the wedding party and immediate family to stay here with us).  Would it be okay to ask our family and friends to pay us for their lodging (approx $200 for 2 nights) for the weekend?  Or is this something where we should technically pay for it?  I just don't think we could afford this on top of food and liquor.  

I haven't talked to the facility yet about specifics, but I'm hoping they could lower the price and just charge us for the rental space for the weekend and then allow us to book rooms so people can reserve rooms and pay the actual B&B. 

I'm trying to plan for the worst thought and I'm hoping someone has an idea of how to make this work if the B&B will not allow me to book rooms without paying for them first.

Any ideas??  

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Re: Is it okay to ask close family and friends to help pay for wedding rental?

  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Honestly? No. There's no guarentee that they can financially swing it, and putting them in the uncomfortable and embarrassing position of telling you no is not very nice.

    It is not their responsibility to ensure your party happens, its yours. Plan for the wedding you can afford. Guests will appreciate a gracious pressure free event more than a fancy venue they were guilted into paying for.
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  • TamariezTamariez member
    Second Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I forgot to add that pretty much 80% of our wedding guests will be travelling from out of town anyway... so no matter what they will need a place to stay...
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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    No. Agree with pp. If you can't afford an $8k site fee, don't book it there. I'm sure you can find another beautiful place that's in your budget.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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  • efmcc67efmcc67 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Sorry, no, but you can't do this. Even if your guests are out of town and need to find a hotel anyway, you can't dictate where they have to say and then have them pay you. You can (and should) set up a room block, but your guests should book their own reservations and pay the hotel directly, and they aren't required to stay there. 

    This goes for family and wedding party, too. It would be nice to have them stay at the same venue as you, but you can't require it. Ultimately, choice of lodging is pretty personal. Sadly, if you can't afford the whole venue, you might have to look elsewhere for some place that does fit in your budget.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think the only option is for you to work with the B&B so guests are reserving and paying them directly.  

    Keep in mind that it'll be hard to control who gets to stay in the B&B, assuming the B&B is able to work with you.  Your wedding party may not want to stay there, or your distant uncle may call ASAP and reserve a room that won't be available to the people you want to stay there anymore.  We are currently making plans to attend an out of town wedding where all the guests are being told which small inn/B&B to stay at for the wedding by the couple, and it kind of sucks to be told how to take my vacation and where to spend my money if I want to attend this wedding.  
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  • TiaTeaTiaTea member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Do you have to rent the entire facility for the entire weekend in order to get married there?

    If you pay for your stay and the hall where the wedding will be, what will be the price for the other rooms by themselves?

    What I am saying is, that if you rent your portion of it, ( the hall, your room, whatever) facilities you'll be using)  you can always inform your guests that the venue also have rooms , if they choose to to stay there.

    Reason with the venue. If they don't have another offer for full booking of the facility, they should have no reason to object.

    There is no polite way to say " If you are coming, send me , please this amount of money, so I can book a room for you in this venue.  Otherwise we will not get married, or at least not there"
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    ditto PPs - it's fine to have guests pay the hotel directly for their rooms.  It's not okay to have them pay you, it's not okay to pressure them to stay there, and it's not a great idea to book a place that you can't actually afford on your own. 

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  • daria24daria24 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I had my wedding at a place with a similar arrangement. If you wanted a Saturday night wedding there, you had to book the whole inn. What the inn owners did was you were responsible for the full $5k. But if your guests chose to stay at the inn, they paid the inn directly and the inn deducted that payment from the $5k.

    So basically you need to be prepared to pay the full amount. You might be fortunate to have guests who choose to stay at the Inn and save you some money.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Talk to the B&B  to see what options they have. I'm sure they have dealt with this in the past.

     Maybe you will have to pay for all the rooms upfront but people who are with the wedding can call & book & pay for a room if they want to stay there & then you could be refunded the difference or have it taken off your final bill.

    To make sure you have the people you want with you there, tell them in advance of the location & price & let them know that you are giving them first dibs on the rooms but once the invites go out, the lodging location will be open for all guests.

    Like others said, just be accepting if some of the people you want to stay in the B&B opt to stay somewhere else local due to price or the type of accomodations.

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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    It sounds like a lovely venue. Unfortunately, if the venue requires YOU to pay for the rooms (and does not permit guests to pay them directly), your options are to either make the payment yourself and cover your guests' lodging, or find a new venue. Asking guests to pay you for rooms is not polite and, as @missax said, might make your guests suspicious you're overcharging to cover wedding expenses.

    I hope the venue is accommodating of your request.
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Tamariez said:

    THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL THE ADVICE!!  This was the first time I posted on here and it was really nice to see everyone's opinions and suggestions! :)

    Here's an update:  I talked with the venue and found out that people can pay the B&B directly and it's only.. wait for it... $55 a night per person!!  There's still a rental fee for use of the entire farm for the whole weekend, but it pretty much cuts my costs almost in half doing it this way. 

    Thanks again!

     

    That's awesome to hear!   You're very welcome for the advice, and thank YOU for keeping an open mind to it. :)

    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Tamariez said:

    THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL THE ADVICE!!  This was the first time I posted on here and it was really nice to see everyone's opinions and suggestions! :)

    Here's an update:  I talked with the venue and found out that people can pay the B&B directly and it's only.. wait for it... $55 a night per person!!  There's still a rental fee for use of the entire farm for the whole weekend, but it pretty much cuts my costs almost in half doing it this way. 

    Thanks again!

    Awesome! glad it worked out!

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  • winelover123winelover123 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    Tamariez said:

    THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL THE ADVICE!!  This was the first time I posted on here and it was really nice to see everyone's opinions and suggestions! :)

    Here's an update:  I talked with the venue and found out that people can pay the B&B directly and it's only.. wait for it... $55 a night per person!!  There's still a rental fee for use of the entire farm for the whole weekend, but it pretty much cuts my costs almost in half doing it this way. 

    Thanks again!

    That's awesome! Glad it worked out for you. And that is an awesome price for a B&B.
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