Pregnant MOH, wants to keep it secret

Pookieson · May 2013

My MOH just called me and let me know she just found out she is preggers!!! I'm super excited for her, she's had trouble conceiving and her last pregnancy had some complications and her previous pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, so she is very hesitant to announce until she is much further along. The wedding is in two weeks. She plans on giving a toast at the wedding, but doesn't want any side eyes as to why she isn't drinking champagne. There are very little children at the wedding and we were going to do cookies and milk in a champagne glass for them, so no sparkling cider. If I let the bar/wait staff know she is pregnant and gave them a bottle of cidar do you think they could handle giving her a glass of that instead or just have her quietly ask the waitstaff herself and provide the cidar myself? There will be some eyebrows raised anyways because it will be obvious she isn't drinking, she's just going to do the whole "I'm getting over the flu" bit. Suggestions? Are we overthinking this?

Sorry for any typos/grammar issues, we are running out to the fair and I can't find spell check on this dang format! I'll check in later! Thanks ladies!

kmmssg · May 2013

If it's that big of a deal she can raise a glass of champaign and make it look like she took a drink. If someone is really going to eagle eye her that much (which is nuts) then that should take care of them.

WinstonsGirl · May 2013

Either let her fake taking a drink, or get her a glass filled with cider or Martinelis, or whatever the fake stuff is called. Personally, when I don't want to explain to someone why I'm not drinking, the old "I'm on some antibiotics" line usually shuts them up pretty quick, but see what she's comfortable doing and go from there

ravenray · May 2013

kmmssg said:

If it's that big of a deal she can raise a glass of champaign and make it look like she took a drink. If someone is really going to eagle eye her that much (which is nuts) then that should take care of them.

I agree. It's not like she is Kate Middleton. I doubt anyone will notice.

HuckSC · May 2013

No, for some people if they aren't drinking wine or some drink it will be OBVIOUS to their friends and family whats up. My cousin went to a dinner party early on in her second pregnancy (she lost the first after a complicated delivery) and she had no option but to have wine. If she turned down a few glass everyone would know why because she does not turn down wine. Her and her husband would sneak away to the bathroom so he could chug the wine and she could go back for another glass. He was sloshed; she was good to drive home.

ETA: grammar

harper0813 · May 2013

Maybe she can just borrow another person's glass and raise it but not sip?

Congrats to her!

lyndausvi · May 2013

EllaYoung said:

I doubt anyone is keeping tabs on who drinks what, are they? Is this a thing?

At social functions you can normally find me with a glass of wine or beer in my hand. I would definitely be questioned if I was not drinking.

Honestly, if I got pregnant I would not be able to keep it secret until 12 weeks. I might be able to go one or 2 nights without drinking in front of them, not 12 weeks. They would know something was up.

AmJam04 · May 2013

For those that don't believe in hawks -- I am one.
Though, I really only notice with people that are in my circle. If I was just a guest at her wedding, I wouldn't know the difference; however, if I'm a good friend of the MOH, I'd instantly know.

I agree with the have a glass but don't actually drink it camp. That is the least conspicuous option, anyway.

ETA: Grammar. I need to learn it.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Have her pretend to sip her champagne after the toast, then slip her glass to someone else at the table after. Nobody is going to be following her around with a clipboard and binoculars.

Pookieson · May 2013

She is usually partaking in wine during social events so I'm thinking that most of our close friends will notice *something* is up. Not everyone knows she is trying, but I'm thinking it might be suspect. The "fake a sip" thing is a good option. I'm sure someone will notice, how she plans to deal with that is up to her. I'm in the camp that if I went to any social event without wine someone would instantly question it!!!

hordol · May 2013

I have never been pregnant, and I know that you can't drink while pregnant...but I highly doubt taking one sip of champagne during a toast will have any effect on the baby. I've read studies that say one glass of wine a day while pregnant is fine (note: I am no expert. I am not advocating anybody do this, and I would not do it myself) but I probably wouldn't stress so much about one sip of champagne. However, I grew up in WI and we are a little looser with the alcohol.

This is the opinion of a childless person, so ignore me if I'm completely off base here.

If she doesn't want to drink at all, why not just pretend to take a sip? Just tip the glass and let it touch her lips, then set it down. No one will notice.

Angelface225 · May 2013

Fill her glass with ginger ale, no one will notice the difference.

d2va · May 2013

Im with Angelface in giving her ginger ale. Taking one sip during the toast is not going to be the end of the world.

Where everyone is going to notice most is that she isnt drinking the whole night.

Pookieson · May 2013

This isn't true. Folic Acid and Iron are crucial to early development in the baby and the Iron is needed for mom. Also, as PP stated, there are TONS of drugs that can cause fetal harm.

misshart00 · May 2013

RetreadBride said:

A GLASS of wine wouldn't hurt the baby.

The DO NOT DRINK ANY ALCOHOL WHATSOEVER or TAKE ANY MEDICATION WHATSOEVER during pregnancy is overblown. (There are only one or two classes of drugs known to cause absolute fetal harm).

There are so many idiots out there, so the docs have gone into the Absolutely None At All camp.

My OB-GYN actually advises his anemic patients to drink a wine cooler once a week for the iron. He is Middle Eastern, though, and doesn't have the hysteria Americans do about drinking while pregnant. He also dislikes prenatal vitamins because he says most pregnant women really don't need need them (if you're eating a balanced diet the extra vitamins go down the toilet as "fertilizer") and they nauseate and constipate so many women.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Unless you know the entire medical history of this person, you have no idea what is and isn't safe for her baby. And it sounds like she wants to be extra cautious since she lost a baby in the past. My doctor will let me do a lot of things. Drinking and a lot of drugs are not on that list. She actually had to tell me to stop googling stuff because most of it was wrong. If you not trust your doctor, maybe you should find another one. Also, saying that you should have a wine cooler every week for the iron is absurd, especially since you don't know this woman's medical history. My doctor has watched my iron intake carefully since I had a high iron count (my grandfather almost died because of this). We tell people around here all the time not to get medical advice from strangers on the Internet, that they should discuss things with their doctor. So, you condoning a behavior in pregnancy that most doctors are against (mostly because they don't want to risk anything) is absurd.

TKzilla · May 2013

RetreadBride said:

A GLASS of wine wouldn't hurt the baby.

The DO NOT DRINK ANY ALCOHOL WHATSOEVER or TAKE ANY MEDICATION WHATSOEVER during pregnancy is overblown. (There are only one or two classes of drugs known to cause absolute fetal harm).

There are so many idiots out there, so the docs have gone into the Absolutely None At All camp.

My OB-GYN actually advises his anemic patients to drink a wine cooler once a week for the iron. He is Middle Eastern, though, and doesn't have the hysteria Americans do about drinking while pregnant. He also dislikes prenatal vitamins because he says most pregnant women really don't need need them (if you're eating a balanced diet the extra vitamins go down the toilet as "fertilizer") and they nauseate and constipate so many women.

I wish I could flag you for this.

The woman in OP's post miscarried and had trouble conceiving. Isn't it possible she'd really want to do everything by the book? She's not an idiot, she's a woman who wants her baby to arrive healthy in nine months. Nobody cares about your middle eastern doctor and his advice to us "hysterical" Americans. Every bottle of liquor, beer and wine comes with a warning advising pregnant women not to drink. I think the Surgeon General may know a little more about it than you.

OP - ginger ale or sparkling cider will do just fine. She could also use the excuse of "I have to drive" if that's possible.

Maggie0829 · May 2013

@RetreadBride could you please post a picture of your medical degree?

Medical advice should never be given to a stranger over the internet even if you are a real doctor. You do not know the OP friends medical history so to suggest that her friend having a glass or two of champagne is ridiculous. And just because your doctor says one thing does not make it right. Doctors can be wrong and they can make mistakes. Your doctor is not the end all be all to pregnancy advice.

KDM323 · May 2013

Don't tell the bartender. But she can fake a sip or she can drink gingerale in the glass or she can have a mocktail.

Hopefully no one will notice or if they do, they'll be gracious enough to keep their mouths shut!

MsYeck · May 2013

I would get a 3 pack of martinelli's from SAMs ($6) and have her drink that all night so it appears she is drinking. (sparkling cider)

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