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Guests bringing guests

yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi all,

I'm going to start addressing my invitations soon. I am not sure about the names of all of my guests' dates- or who they are currently seeing. I don't mind if anyone wants to bring a guest with them regardless of how serious their relationship is. So I'm happy to add "and guest" to all of my envelopes so that everyone knows that they can bring someone. I know that it is considered rude to use "and guest" and not the name of their significant other. 

So, I'll tell you what I am thinking and please tell me if this is a good or bad idea. I am thinking of sending a Facebook message to the guests that I am not sure about- (pretty much mostly my cousins) and send them a cheerful message about how I am about to address my invitations and I wanted to send them a quick note to let them know that they are welcome to bring a guest to the wedding and if they would like to let me know the first and last name of the person they wish to bring with them then I will be sure to address the invitation to both of them. And no worries if I don't hear from you- you will still be welcome to bring someone and you can just write their name on your RSVP card. 

What do you think? This does not include my guests who have been in long-term relationships (at least to the best of my knowledge)- I am aware of those SO's names but it is for the rest who may or may not be dating someone, or may be in a relationship but I have not heard about it and they have not shared on their Facebook profile. (Or, maybe are planning to bring someone who they are only casually seeing or are just friends with, or whatever the cases may be!)

PART TWO: Here is the second part of my question, and it's more complicated. Two of my cousins are 18-year-olds. I don't mind if they bring a date. Their parents have already booked hotel rooms and the cousins are going to be sleeping on cots. Am I supposed to check with the parents to see if they are okay with my 'allowing' them to bring a guest? Or should I just invite them to bring a guest and then let them sort it out? I feel like I might complicate things if their parents didn't want to have to chaperone for them and their date and figure out the sleeping arrangements but I also feel bad to deprive them of being able to bring a date. One of them is in a LTR. My guess is that I should just invite them to bring a date and let them sort it out, right?

Thanks for your help!
"It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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Re: Guests bringing guests

  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    FB is fine (as long as its through a private message!), but a phone call and or text or email can work too-- you know these people so whatever sort of communication they will respond to will work.  Its better to find out before the invite is actually sent, but yes if you do not get an actual name, just put and guest.  I emailed or text my friends when i was getting this sort of info since I knew that would get me a response the fastest. 

    as for the 18 year old, if you know they are in a LTR then I would just include them.  They are technically an adult, but if they are in HS, if possible it would not hurt to ask their parents, but is not required  
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yes, that is fine, but a phone call would be more personal. LTR cousin should definitely have his or her SO invited, and if you are giving + 1 s to everyone else, the other cousin should get a date, too. Let them sort out the sleeping arrangements or "allowing" the "kids" to bring a date or not.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Jenni8412Jenni8412 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Ditto PP's on question #1. As for question #2, I'm going to share my personal experience here... I had an 18yo cousin who had not started college at the time my invitations went out. Both he and his younger brother considered themselves in relationships with girlfriends. I went ahead and addressed the invitation to the parents and both sons, then had my dad call their mom. He basically relayed that they were welcome to bring both girlfriends as guests, but this left the decision more up to my aunt and uncle as the financial and chaperoning responsibilities would have been on them.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    For the first: I think FB is fine as a means of communication.  I would probably send each cousin their own PM rather than a group one.  I also would maybe word it more like "I just wanted to see if you were seeing anyone special who should be included on your invitation!  If not you'll still be welcome to bring a guest"  B/c I feel like your original message makes it seem like you want their "plus one" name now, and you only put the name on the invitation if it's a SO (i.e. even if they tell you now they're bringing their roommate you should still just put "and guest" on the invitation.)

    For the second I think I would just give them a plus one and let them deal.

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  • yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thanks for everyone's help. I am taking all of your advice. I really got great tips on this one. I will be doing this tomorrow- and I totally agree with Kate's point about how to word it- thank you! 


    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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