I posted a while ago about needing some warm weather clothes for an upcoming trip to Puerto Vallarta. Thanks again for all the great shopping advice! I've been checking out some of the places you suggested and taking the time to try on different things, and have found some great key pieces.
One of the things I was REALLY dreading was trying to find a bathing suit. Bathing suit shopping has always been a little traumatic for me, even when I was thinner. I'm short with a rounder build and am larger than average on top, and nothing ever seems to be cut in a way that is flattering to me. So, I went shopping and tried on five or six bathing suits, and to my amazement I found one that I LOVED. To my even greater amazement, it's a bikini, which I never thought I'd be comfortable wearing in public, but this one is just so cute and I felt it was really flattering on me. I bought it with every intention of getting beyond my "OMG I can't wear a bikini!" mindset, and was actually feeling really good and really confident about it.
Fast forward to a couple days ago. I was talking with my mom, and mentioned I had found a bathing suit and that it was a bikini. Her first response was "Oh my god, YOU'RE going to wear a BIKINI?! I wouldn't even wear a bikini!" My mom is about 5'2" and 90 lbs, and while I love her to death, she has been a major contributor to some pretty huge body image issues that I have struggled with all my life. She's been dieting (usually starvation dieting) for as long as I can remember, and complaining to me about how fat she is for as long as I can remember (she's never weighed more than 110 lbs in her life). There was a point in time after having my kids were I was quite a bit heavier than I am now. Her weight complaints stung a LOT when she was wearing a size 0 and I was wearing an 18/20. Several years ago I lost a lot of weight, but recently have put some back on, and I hear about that from her too - although she always couches it as she is "concerned for my health". This is one part of my relationship with my mom that has always been very difficult and is a huge source of anxiety for me.
So now, since hearing that comment from her, I'm totally doubting my decision and feel like I should go out and buy a one piece and a swimskirt to spare the world having to look at me in a bikini. It's frustrating because I really felt like, while I may not have looked like a supermodel, that suit looked cute on me. I was getting really comfortable with the idea of wearing it publicly. And now I feel like I've taken huge steps backwards not just regarding the bikini, but with my whole self confidence and comfort level with myself. I'm also extremely frustrated that I've let her bring me down about something I was feeling so good about.