this is the code for the render ad
Snarky Brides

i hate kids.... kind of a NWR vent... can i do that here? (kinda long)

Okay, okay... I don't hate kids, I just hate horrible parenting! It seems like everyone hates horrible parenting but how do they not see them doing the same thing?!
A friend of mine (she's actually been really close to FI for 1/2 their lives), I got to know her sort of because she married a high school friend, anyways, she can't discipline her child. Absolutely does not discipline her child. He does it all: runs around in restaurants, runs through the clothing racks in stores, hits his 18 month old sister (on purpose! stares at her then smacks her in the head with a lightsaber... I don't even know...), doesn't understand the word no when he actually hears it. It bothers me so incredibly much! She sort of explained it before, and knowing this is her mindset makes me hate her even more. "He's only four years old... People with older kids, like 7, they always say, well my kid was never that bad but they just don't remember... and when someone with a younger kid, maybe 2-3, they will say that their kid will never act that way when they're older but they just don't know."
I want to punch her in the face. 
Her kid is perfectly capable of being disciplined. We go to an adult birthday dinner, where I warn my child profusely beforehand that it is an adult dinner party. There will be children but you will be on your best behavior because this party is not for you or the other children. So, my friend's kid is running around and the birthday girl's husband (they also have a 3 year old that was there) he grabs the kid, not hard, but says, "no, we are eating dinner now" and he goes to his mom and gives her a look and she says "no, he's right." I almost flipped
So, even though I have a 6 year old, I hate kids. I hate their crummy parents and unfortunately, even though that's not their fault, I hate them too.
She constantly says that I'm so lucky to have such a "naturally" well behaved child. It takes everything in me not to say, "No, he's not naturally a good kid. I discipline the poo out of him and I make sure he's a well behaved child." I hate how all my effort in making sure my child isn't a complete nightmare is chalked up to him naturally being that way, which, he really isn't. He's normal and pushes boundaries and does things he knows he isn't supposed to do and he gets disciplined. I don't spank, I do time out and it is complete torture for him. It's the same timeout I had as a child and my mom even gets mad at me when I do it to him (go figure, right?)
I'm not saying I'm the perfect parent or that I have the perfect child, I just can't stand kids running amok and I'm sick of parents trying SOOOOOO hard to be the cool, hip parent they didn't have. 
Okay, end rant and on to the wedding related part:
I'm having a very kid friendly wedding (hiring babysitters, renting a separate meeting room next to the reception area, hiring a magician or puppet show, just keeping all the kids properly entertained) but I'm worried her kid will make me lose my mind and no, I won't tell her that just her kid is not welcomed, I'm not that heartless >.>

Re: i hate kids.... kind of a NWR vent... can i do that here? (kinda long)

  • I hate kids too, and fully intend to parent well.

    However, if they take after me in any way, shape, or form....

    image
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • I honest to goodness dislike most kids. I mean, they're cute and stuff, but I can't stand crying babies or ill-behaved children when I'm out at a nice, fancy restaurant or shopping. I just...can't. I like kids when I know them well enough to tell them to stop doing something, so I like 3 children and would only willingly watch 2 of them.
  • Get ready. He's coming to TK and going to flag you.
  • So, FI doesn't have any kids and I always told myself, "Man, how am I ever going to find someone who doesn't want kids but will be okay with mine?" Oh man, he's the best! I love that he loves me for being a good parent!
    Peledreamsofrain All of my kid's awful habits come from me... I can totally admit this because I don't want to be in denial lol! The worst is when his dad says "oh, wonder where he got THAT from!" lol
    @winelover123 I know how you feel. A friend (well, friend of FI) kept asking me to watch her daughter while I wasn't working a while back and I had to straight up tell him, "I'm sorry, your daughter is lovely, but I just can't be around kids." he actually said he totally understood.
    @NYCMercedes Hopefully! Then maybe he'll realize his mom is raising him to be a prick!
  • @fiendtothemax - I have an awful feeling FSIL will ask me to babysit her infant on a regular basis. I really can't handle infants, so I think I will be stealing your line when the time comes. She keeps dropping hints, but hasn't asked outright yet.
    @AddieL73 - bless your heart! I don't think I could handle the parents of students. I aided for a teacher once in high school and that was enough for me. Are your students older or young?
  • I hate that a lot of people these days are "too afraid" to discipline their children, or even say "no" to them for that matter.  I really don't like people who complain about how horribly behaved their children are, when it is clear that their behavior is a direct result of how they're being raised.

    I also hate when people think that young children aren't capable of behaving themselves.  That's BS.  Children are much smarter than we give them credit for.  One of my maids has a 2 1/2 year old son, who's one of our ring bearers.  He's the best behaved child I've ever met.  His mom is fantastic.  Those who say you can't reason with a two year old clearly need to observe this child.  It's amazing what he's capable of understanding.

  • High school kids, winelover. And believe me, if parents don't get control of them when they are young, it just gets worse when they are older. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • rel1988rel1988 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    edited May 2013

    The second time meeting one of my friends we were out at a restaurant in a group including her 2 year old. He wasn't being terrible, but antsy like a typical 2 year old boy. She gave him one warning and when he didn't listen she took him to the bathroom. When they came back and I realized she took him there just so she could spank him, I knew it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited August 2013
    Post removed due to GBCK
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • RWS2011RWS2011 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    While I agree that permissive parenting can lead to terribly behaved children, and that there is a wealth of bad parenting in the world, I also believe you have to be careful comparing the behavior of children as the sole representation of a person's parenting.  Why I say this is that there truly are children who are more challenging to parent than others, who test more often and more intensely, who need more lessons and more repetition, and so on.  On face value, while they are still learning a particular manner or behavior, they can seem more unruly than another child.  At the same time, both parents can be working equally hard to bring about positive behavior with effective parenting skills.

    My child is almost unrecognizable from 4-5 years ago.  I wondered if she was going to be diagnosed with a behavioral disorder.  However, years of consistent parenting later, her behavior is pretty typical for her age and she is an exceptional student.  I had a friend who silently hardcore judged me, not because of how she saw me parenting, but because of how my kiddo acted sometimes.  Her son was a sweet, calm, good-natured kid.  Then she had her daughter, who was a challenge to parent.  She confessed to having judged me, watched how I actually parented and later told me how much she respected me. 

    I guess my point, if there is any, is that it can be difficult to judge the kind of person a child is, or the kind of parent an adult is solely on the child's behavior at a given moment in time.  Children are born with personalities and dispositions;  some of those are naturally more pleasant than others, and that is fact.
    image

    image
  • ranzzoranzzo member
    Seventh Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    I really want to jump on the I hate kids bandwagon but I have to say I really hate the parents.  I hate parents that think it's appropriate to bring kids to places that are not for them. I have to say my biggest pet peeve is Dave and Buster's.  I'm sorry, it's not for kids, it's for adults.  If you want to take your kids to play games, take them to freakin' Chucky Cheese where they belong.  Movie theaters, especially when it's not a kids movie.  If a kid is not old enough to sit still and watch a movie, hire a damn babysitter and don't ruin the experience for others.  The 21 and up cinemas are now my favorite thing in the world. 
  • Addie - oy, you must have some...fun....students. Hopefully you have some good ones too though!
  • Yup, as a teacher, I see it all too. As a parent, my children KNOW that I don't stand for crap. From the time they were toddlers, they knew there were consequences for their behavior. Yes, it's a PITA when you have to leave a full grocery cart because your kid won't stop screaming that they want gum, but you do it, and they next time you go to the store, they know not to ask.

    Parenting isn't a one shot thing. You're supposed to do it daily.

    And no, my kids aren't perfect. Far from it. But they're respectful and polite and make me proud every day.

    As a teacher, I see the other side of it (what's coming for the teachers of your friend's kid, OP). I see the parents who refuse to believe that their child can do anything wrong, and it's the teachers/principal/other kids in the class' fault.

    It is a minority of students, thankfully, but it's still enough to disrupt the whole class.

    The irony is that kids NEED rules, and they actually thrive on them because it gives a sense of security and routine. I wish more parents realized this...
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • This drives me crazy too. Especially since I work with children with autism, most of whom you can't reason with and I still teach them to behave appropriately.

     

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Kids do need rules. One of my teacher friends has 3 boys, all well disciplined and well-behaved, and they have a friend who has no rules at his house. The kid prefers to be at my friend's house b/c he just feels better there. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I'm also hoping against hope that the one set of parents who never say no to their kids (resulting in fighting, yelling, underfoot monster children) will decide to have a "grownups night out" and leave the kids with the grandparents on our wedding day. We decided to allow kids at the wedding but I hope those ones won't take us up on it! The only thing we were able to do is not invite that family to the ceremony (had to invite fewer people to the ceremony since the venue is smaller anyway). Haven't got their RSVP yet, so we'll see!
  • I have to admit, I'm VERY surprised that I wasn't completely ripped a new one by writing this. I knew it was a possibility but I went into it with a thick skin and told myself I would take the advice to heart. 
    I'm tempted to tell her to be stricter, another thing is her mom criticize's her whenever she tries to discipline him and so she just seems to have complete given up. There was a time when my mom would do the same but I thought to myself, "I can't have my mom undermining me in front of my kid" and when I finally stood up to my mom, she said "oh okay" and completely backed off... 

    @wittykitty14 People always said it was because my kid was just smart and that's why he listened at 2 years old but isn't that kind of mean to your own child? Saying they aren't smart enough to listen and learn at 2? I hate people who take age and milestones and what they should know and shouldn't know too seriously. All parents should be observing their child and knowing what irks them and what throws them off. 

    @ranzzo I'll admit I take my kid to D&B but it's always a Tuesday afternoon and we're out of there by 6. I know how D&B gets and I don't want my kid around a bunch of drunk people. And when I go there and I'm drunk, I always feel soooo uncomfortable when there's some little kid running around with tickets! I'm always tempted to run after them and scream "it's the ticket fairy!!!" and maybe their parents won't bring them to D&B anymore after 9 lol. I'll also admit that I take my kid to the movies all the time and sometimes PG-13, depending on what people who have seen it say about it. My kid actually sits and watches movies. He's super active but once the tv, computer, or movie theater movie starts, he sits and watches. But with that too, I take him in the afternoon and I make sure he isn't around too many people because even though he's been good in the past, you just never know. 

    @addieL73  I'm tempted to tell her outright that her kid is out of control and she needs to get a handle on him or else it's going to be a complete nightmare for all of his future teachers. His preschool teacher mentioned it to him and she completely dismissed it. So I think I need to have a word.

    @jennylee813 "And no, my kids aren't perfect. Far from it. But they're respectful and polite and make me proud every day." That's exactly how I feel! I know my kid has his ups and downs and for the most part, if he isn't doing well in school, if the teacher has pulled me aside then I know something is up. Usually he didn't sleep well the night before and I had to wake him from a complete deep sleep and that throws him off.

    @nightingalejules I'm hoping the same thing but my friend is assuming her daughter will be flower girl but there are way too many little girls in FI's family that we just have to ask them (he has triplet neice's and they would be soooo cute walking together!) so I'm hoping if I don't make her flower girl then they will want a night out together which they often do so it shouldn't be a big deal!

    @harry87 Hahaha, that's awesome! I have a fairly adult home as in pottery and breakables all about the house which I never stressed about with my son but when I have people come over I'm just thinking "why the fuck are these kids touching my vases?! how the fuck do they not know any better?!?!" 
  • This drives me crazy too. Especially since I work with children with autism, most of whom you can't reason with and I still teach them to behave appropriately.
    I used to babysit an autistic girl and she was an angel. I mean and absolute perfect angel. Yes, she had he moments but she was so well disciplined by her parents. Do you think my friend would be offended if I sad to her "I've babysat autistic children who are better behaved than your child." Is that offensive to the autistic community? I don't mean it to be, I'm just confused by this child and the way he acts...
  • I probably wouldn't say that... I would never imply that children with autism are inherently bad behaved, but I think that inconsistencies with parenting are amplified with them.

     

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I probably wouldn't say that... I would never imply that children with autism are inherently bad behaved, but I think that inconsistencies with parenting are amplified with them.
    That was the first time I ever had much face time with an autistic child and I think her dad made me really freaked out. He would say that autistic children had emotional and mood issues. They snap and yell and scream without any warning. Parents of autistic children have an 80% chance of divorce because autistic children are so incredibly stressful. I don't know if this is all true and maybe I should have looked into more for myself while I was babysitting her. Maybe he wanted to give me worst case scenarios? She seemed like a normal child to me though.
  • I have a friend that teaches emotionally impaired middle school students (and has done so for 25 years).  She said that in many cases, these kids are just smart and figured out at an early age how to play their parents.  As a result, they never had the discipline and structure they needed in life.  They then ended up in a class with kids that don't know how to properly behave, express emotions or deal with other people and the frustrations that occur in life.

    Since there are several juvenile court judges in the area that have "sentenced" juvenile offenders to be in her class rather than a juvenile prison, I tend to believe what she says. Many of her former students have ended up as successful adults with the order she has finally brought into their lives.
  • ranzzo said:

    I really want to jump on the I hate kids bandwagon but I have to say I really hate the parents.  I hate parents that think it's appropriate to bring kids to places that are not for them. I have to say my biggest pet peeve is Dave and Buster's.  I'm sorry, it's not for kids, it's for adults.  If you want to take your kids to play games, take them to freakin' Chucky Cheese where they belong.  Movie theaters, especially when it's not a kids movie.  If a kid is not old enough to sit still and watch a movie, hire a damn babysitter and don't ruin the experience for others.  The 21 and up cinemas are now my favorite thing in the world. 

    I wish I hated the parents but nope I hate the kids.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards