Wedding Party

Bridesmaid/MOH issues

wiki8wiki8 member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
edited January 2014 in Wedding Party
I am going to vent about two completely separate issues in this post haha.

The first is when I brought some of my WP to a bridal salon while I tried on dresses the other day. They all wanted to look at bridesmaids dresses while we were there, which I was totally fine with. I feel as if I have been SO accommodating for them, and have been very clear from the beginning that I want short, chiffon dresses that are a blush/tea rose pallet. I am fine with whatever they pick out after that. From the beginning I have heard complaints (only from two of them) of "but we want to wear a darker color dress" and I've mostly just brushed it off. I understand not everyone enjoys the color I have chosen, but I have been clear from the day I have asked that it is the color they have to wear.

Anyway, they wanted to see an example of the color on a dress, and kept asking me to show them. There literally was not one sample dress in the color, and I kept explaining that. But I was still asked 15 times "we want to see this color you are talking about!!" Finally, I asked someone who worked there to bring me the color swatches, so I could show them, but they threw a big fit because it wasn't on any of the dresses. (Mind you, this isn't even where we are going to purchase their gowns, only where I purchased mine.) They continued to look at gowns and I pointed out what chiffon was, and once again I heard more and more complaints. "We don't want to wear that, we want to wear the shiny one." I explained that they photograph very differently, and I don't want satin or silk dresses. But once again, they must have said 15 more times that they like the "shiny" dresses so much better. 

I was starting to become extremely frustrated at this point, but I just kind of stepped back and didn't even participate while they looked at bridesmaids dresses. Not that I am not concerned about what they wear, but as I explained many times that night, we have PLENTY of time to look for their dresses, the wedding isn't for another 10 months, and we aren't going to purchase the dresses at that place anyway. I felt as if they were getting all upset over nothing.

The final straw is when they started asking about shoes. I don't wear heels, so I am wearing boots under my dress. 4 of my bridesmaids requested that they wear boots, and I said I don't mind what they wear for shoes, as long as all 5 of them wear the same type. So either they all wear pumps or another type of dress shoe, or they all wear boots. I really don't mind either way. Well, the 5th bridesmaid throws a FIT at this point "I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE ALL OF THESE DECISIONS ABOUT WHAT WE ARE GOING TO WEAR! I want to wear the shiny dresses with pumps and look hot!"

At this point I just stopped being nice. I couldn't take it. I told her that majority of the weddings I have been to/in the bride has said "this is the hairstyle, dress, jewelry, shoes, etc. that you HAVE to wear" and all of the bridesmaids look like clones and that is the end of it. I have a few things I want them to have in common, but besides that I am trying to make them as comfortable as possible! And I think I can make these decisions about fabric and color schemes because IT IS MY WEDDING. I understand I am not paying for their shoes, which is why I said I didn't mind what they did, as long as all 5 agreed. I honestly don't know how I am going to make it when we actually go looking at bridesmaid dresses....

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Re: Bridesmaid/MOH issues

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper

    Wow...  It sounds like you've been fairly flexible.  I do think you should email them links to the pics of pictures, in chiffon, that come in the color you're preferring.  I do also agree that you can ask that they all be in the same type of shoe (pumps vs boots...and good lord, boots make me cringe).

     

    The other bride also sounds like she's going to be areal peach to deal with too.. Ugh!

  • wiki8wiki8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @mlg78 she has definitely been a peach! I think getting a group e-mail going with the pictures is a good idea, thanks! I know a lot of people (especially on here) don't like boots, which is totally fine. If anyone was actually going to see my feet that night, I would suck it up and wear heels. And I understand why my MOH doesn't want to wear them, because she doesn't think they are formal enough. What I didn't like was the attitude about it. I never requested boots, the bridesmaids asked me if it was okay, and I just said I didn't mind as long as it was all 5 of them.
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I think you wearing boots is up to you because your feet will be hidden...but short bridesmaids dresses + boots...that's what makes me cringe.
  • All I can say is WOW and good luck. I hope they change their tune :-(
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  • wiki8wiki8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    @hshertenlieb thanks! i hope so too!

    @retreadbride I agree, I have always worn heels when a bridesmaid, but I'm generally not comfortable in them. I have told them I don't mind heels or flats, and I am not picky about the color, I just want them to choose between the five of them what that color is. I threw out the suggestion of nude or grey, seeing it might be something everyone owns or could wear at some point again. But letting them decide is somehow "making all the decisions" according to my disgruntled bridesmaids!

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  • wiki8wiki8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @RetreadBride I just hate that people think just because they are planning a wedding it is okay to be a crappy friend/person. :(
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  • wiki8wiki8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @RetreadBride I just hate that people think just because they are planning a wedding it is okay to be a crappy friend/person. :(
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  • saric83saric83 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper

    I would definitely second the idea of sending them pictures of some options.  It might sound like it's really easy to just find a ton of options in that fabric and color scheme, but honestly, if I were one of the BM's, I would think it would be a little overwhelming to find many options. 

    So if you could find some different ideas to give them a starting point, I bet it could help.  This is what comes up when I search "blush chiffon dress" on Google, and it ranges A TON, so examples would help narrow down what you have in mind when you think of that color range. 

  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    wiki8 said:
    @mlg78 she has definitely been a peach! I think getting a group e-mail going with the pictures is a good idea, thanks! I know a lot of people (especially on here) don't like boots, which is totally fine. If anyone was actually going to see my feet that night, I would suck it up and wear heels. And I understand why my MOH doesn't want to wear them, because she doesn't think they are formal enough. What I didn't like was the attitude about it. I never requested boots, the bridesmaids asked me if it was okay, and I just said I didn't mind as long as it was all 5 of them.
    I'm on here, and I like boots!  I'm wearing boots for my wedding, and I'm letting it be an option for my BMs, so I definitely like boots.  I hate wearing high heels . . . though my boots have a small heel.  That I can deal with.   

  • gmcr78gmcr78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    OP you sound like you have been more than reasonable.  You're letting them have a lot of leeway and not requiring much of your BMs at all.  Your BMs who are complaining are being a bit ridiculous.

    Stick to your guns.  If all you want is a color, length, and fabric, then they'll just have to deal with it if they want to continue to be a part of the bridal party.  It's really not a lot to ask. 

  • Honestly hun I don't see anything you have done wrong. I am doing the whole color/fabric/length and letting my girls pick out whichever style dress they want from whatever is in that category. My girls are a range of sizes from 4'11" to like 5'10" and from flat chested to very large chested, so the same style dress simply will not fit them all. I agree with you wanting them to be comfortable. I can also see you wanting the shoes to be similar, be it boots or not. The one BM saying she wanted to wear heels and a shiny dress and look hot, I'm sorry but the point isn't for her to "look hot." Yes, you should respect your friends feelings that are sharing the day with you, but it sounds like she wants to have more focus on her. I could be totally wrong, but that is just the impression I got from what you have told us. I think you had an idea about asking them to just get the same color shoes. I mean, are the shoes really a big deal? For example, if they all had black shoes (not saying you would want black, just an example), it is very easy to find black shoes in pretty much any style like flats, peep toes, strappy heels, etc. Maybe one option is to go that route and just pick a color shoe and let them pick what style they like best, like you are doing with the dresses. But in the end it is YOUR decision. If you politely ask for them to all wear the same thing, and 4 out of 5 are fine with it, them go with it. If the other girl throws a hissy fit, then she is very immature to not respect one small simple wish from you when you seem to be letting them have so much freedom in everything else. 
  • Sometimes its unrealistic to get 5 different people to all agree on the same thing. In that case you have to go with the majority and 4 out of 5 sounds pretty good!

    I agree with Retread to drop out of your friends wedding. Yes it is an honor to be asked, but I don't need you throwing it my face about how lucky I am you asked me!

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